Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Deafening Silence

It's a mess.
The bed isn't made, shoes & clothes are scattered everywhere, boxes are being filled here and there, papers are piled up in sections, and the shelves are starting to look bare.
I hate packing.

This is a reminder that in 3 months time he's really leaving for good.
It kills me.

I've been in this room by myself for over 32 hours now and, unless i'm on the phone, i don't think i've uttered a single word. The silence is so great, i feel as if i've gone completely deaf.

We tried to make this place feel like home as best we could. It was a horrible start, but we got used to it all, eventually. We have mixed emotions about leaving this forsaken place. We're convinced that nothing good has come from being here. It was nothing but a headache.
The journey we have to go through just to grab something to eat. The traffic and the cabs that refuse to take us here because it's too damn far. The retarded building that charge an arm and a leg for a tiny room, useless cable, slow internet, and the rigged electricity & water bills. The laundry people who steal the nice shirts, our carpet, and manage to destroy brand new articles of clothing without knowing how it all happened. Right. Welcome to Valenzuela.
But this was also the milestone that got us out of our rut. There were transformations, as well as a good share of our stories to tell.
Yeah, we have mixed emotions about leaving this forsaken place.

6 years worth of "stuff" to be packed and put away in the span of days. The room isn't very big, but it's not as easy as you may think, really. This is my 4th attempt on packing all by myself, and so far, i've done 4 boxes. The room just looks like a tornado went through it and someone came in the middle of the night and took everything we had stacked on the shelves.
The shoes. What am i gonna do about the shoes?

I know a part of me is procrastinating... saying goodbye to this place is almost synonymous to saying goodbye to Ian.

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