Friday, August 31, 2007

Can i get a dollar?

This post is based on absolutely nothing. A random babbling session. I've been too busy living and going about my day to actually have time to sit and write about the chaos going on in my head. But there are some things i feel need to be taken off my chest...

Last week, at work, i played for about 2 and a half hours. That's approximately (fine, exactly) an hour and a half more than what i'm being paid for. Perhaps because Mark isn't here, the schedule has changed... but that's beside the point. 2 and a half hours straight is still pretty freakin' long- no matter what anybody says. To add to that, it was pre-primetime. That means, i couldn't really play all the hits and all the bangers that everybody's so into nowadays. I think i sold out more than 9 times (i played HUMPS!!! for the love of elmo!!!), and without a doubt, i think i had a moment when people thought i was just downright a horrible DJ. Not such a good thing- really.
The reason: DJ #1 didn't have a charger and DJ #2 showed up 3 hours late (with a charger)
The kicker: i worked my ass off only to get paid less than what i expected... and just as much as DJ #2.
The problem: Can i just say- does that mean it's alright for me to show up to work 3 hours late? So working your ass off and slacking off is rewarded equally? I must be such a jackass... always having anxiety attacks to be there on time, keeping it professional... what a waste of time and energy. I mean, for what?!?! nobody gives a damn, right? I think that was verified for me last week.
The heartbreaker: i do it and i don't complain. What am i supposed to do? i think being this naive is implanted in my genetic code. So i shut the hell up and do what i'm told. Because that's just the way it is... no matter how much i freakin' hate it. I hate that i depend on this. But i do it coz i have to. It's a little sad. I think having to deal with all this took all the magic out of playing music- when all these years, it was what kept me going. *sigh*

So it's Friday, yet again. I'm gonna get there on time and put on my happy face. I do what i'm told and i'm grateful for the opportunity and the job a million people would die to have. It looks great on the surface, doesn't it? The grass is always greener on the other side. I commend those who know that they're walking on the greener pastures. Lucky sons of bitches. (joke) haha

We're experiencing stupid-weather season. It always happens to pour on days i'm scheduled to go out. I swear, someone out there is trying to spite me.
The weather seems to have a lot to do with my mood. So... yeah, i'm a bit damp at the moment.

I know i sound like i'm completely bitter... but in all honesty, i'm not. I'm just looking from outside the box and i don't like what i'm seeing. I've been standing up for things i thought have always been right- only to have people look at me and spit at my principles and values, almost yelling at me, that it doesn't mean jack shit. When i try to rebel and go with what everyone else has been doing (it hasn't done them any bad, so far), it bites me right smack on the ass. I get the "late" lecture when i'm hardly ever late... and at most, it'll be 10mins (when i do it on purpose coz i'm sick of waiting by myself at a venue for 40 god-forsaken minutes).

I don't get it.
I wish i could say i was doing all this just for fun. But that's not the case. I know it's not pocket change... but i just wish it was fair.
This is the moment when someone comes up to me, puts a hand on my shoulder, and gives me the concerned look... and then will softly utter the words, "but life isn't fair, dear".
You can go to hell then, bitch.

(i promise i'll write something more cheerful next time. It's raining... so i'm kind of just letting things pour... ALRIGHTY THEN - PEACE, TRUE LOVE & HAPPINESS!)

Sunday, August 19, 2007

A moment of retardation

A very short-lived cheap thrill.

It was an ordinary Saturday night. Another day at the office, i'd like to call it. The only thing that made this Saturday extraordinary was (1)we had a theme (90's HipHop) and (2)it was Sarah's birthday weekend. The night wears on like any other.

It's somewhere around 2am (atleast, i THINK it was) and i'm talking to Jena in one of those VIP rooms upstairs. And then, she says it. "Omigod, he's here..."

I turn around and look. I think about it for a split second. No more, no less. I tell Jena, "I'm gonna go talk to him."
She replies, "What?!?! What are you gonna say?"
I joke, "I don't know! I'm gonna ask him if i can be in one of his movies."
With that, i quickly make my way towards him. With every step i take, my mind races, with every ounce of sense & strength- i needed to come up with something to say. I'm an idiot and i can't believe i'm doing this.

I'm right in front of him and he's looking straight at me. Kinda hard to ignore someone my size standing dead-straight in front of you, right?
And i begin to babble. And i mean BABBLE. I say something along the lines of-
"I know you probably get this all the time, and i don't mean to be cliche or anything... but i'd just like to say that..." (for me to know, you don't need to know)
I, of course, compliment him on his work and all that crap that just seems absolutely ridiculous, now that i think about it. ANd of course, my retarded self ended our conversation with (1) me, asking him, if he needed anybody (female, filipina dj-ish) in any one of his films, to give me a call (in which he responds with, "i'll take you up on that", which he probably just said for the hell of it) and (2) me telling him, to "go ahead and do whatever it is that you do".

He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
Had it been anybody else, i really wouldn't have even bothered to make the effort (unless, of course, it was Johnny Depp. But that's a whole new strategy on its own). I'm not really fanatic by nature. I'm nothing close to being a groupie nor a band-aid in whatever form. I harldy ever get star-struck, really. But i had to. It was way too legendary to pass up.
Now i can say that i actually had a conversation with Quentin Tarantino. Personally, i think that's quite fresh.

Okay, so he prolly forgot about me the minute (even the second) i disappeared from his sight. He probably doesn't even remember me at all... then again, i'm sure of it. But i don't care. It was retarded... yet fun. =) yay for me.
It's something i like to laugh at... i never thought i'd ever cross paths with him, you see.
Maybe i'm a tiny bit of a fanatic after all... =p

Gimme a break. I was drunk. LOL!

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Bring the Rain

Summer is over. I didn't think it would come this fast.
It's not that hot anymore, and it's pouring outside majority of the time. I can wear certain items again that have been neglected for the past 6 months. I need new shoes. My flip flops are going into hybernation. There's nothing i hate more than getting to my desired designation with street goo in between my toes. I hate wet toes and drenched jeans. It completely annoys me.

We only have 2 seasons over here. Wet & dry. The end of one only means the beginning of the other. As cozy as the rainy season can get, i personally think it brings with it a few little things that seem to make my life just a tad bit more difficult. Some people have it worse than i do, but these "little things" are the flash floods and landslides of my life. Yeah, it doesn't kill me... but i'd rather it didn't happen.

I have this theory that the rain makes people slightly dumber. There could possibly be some truth to this. Seeing that this kind of weather makes peeople lazy, the brain functions a bit slower... people tend to think less... therefore, the world is in a much worse condition than it's already in. Traffic in Manila gets 5x worse during the rainy season. That's proof enough as it is.
(That was just random rambling. I know it really doesn't make people dumber. I just wanted to get that out there. However, on days these "people" piss me off though, I fully believe in my theory).

This weather makes me lazy. It always has, and i'm quite sure it always will. I have a lot in store for me this coming month... or possibly even the next few months. *sigh* I need a good vacation.

1. Some of our DJs are going home to (wherever they came from) California. This means that my shifts have been increased to a little over DOUBLE. That means- more research, more time, more thinking (haha), and a lot more effort on my part. I'm jumping up and down all over my room with utter joy and excitement. I can't freakin' wait. No, really. (riiiiiight)

2. One of our PRs just left for good. The other one is due to go on vacation in about a month. They're the biggest reason why people show up to our parties... so the fact that they're not gonna be here for a while makes me somewhat nervous. I'd like to say that if nobody showed up, all the better for me, because i don't have to do much... BUT, less work could lead to NO work at all, and that leads to NO money, and concludes with SAD me. Also, exposure would be great, and it's no fun when there's nobody at the club. Who are we supposed to make fun of when we're on break? I'm totally joking...

3. I'm getting more orders in terms of the jewelry line. Only problem is... i can't find a sufficient supplier for my materials. It seems like this country is always out of stock of whatever it is i need. It baffles me how that happens, really.
Take a restaurant, for example. Have you ever sat and re-thought about what you'd like to eat atleast more than 3 times because what you felt like having to start with happens to be- NOT AVAILABLE?
I went to a shoe store (which shall remain anonymous) with Ian and we saw the dopest kicks. We wanted them in Dylan's size... but apparently, they don't MAKE it at all in that size. Perhaps they were too lazy to check the stock room, or maybe they even ran out of that shoe in that particular size... but to never even exist?! C'mon now. So they make shoe sizes for babies that can't even walk yet... they skip the entire era of them running around like wild animals... and go straight to the kids in puberty? It makes no sense to me.
Getting back on track- i can't find the right stones and beads and stuff that i want to use. Everything looks like crap and it's really pissing me off. I must be looking at all the wrong places or something.
I have deadlines to meet and nothing to work with... crap.

4. In 5 weeks, Ian's leaving for the States. I get anxiety attacks thinking about it. It's gonna take a lot of getting used to... not having him around. You see someone everyday, you tell them everything that happens to you, you share everything together, and blah blah blah... and then you find yourself split in half. You can't just pick up the phone and call when something funny happens- it's not that easy (it's not that cheap, either).
The solution is simple, yes, so i've heard. It's more complicated though when you look at it through my eyes. I may not be as young as i used to be, but shit, i sure as hell am not old. I still have a million and a half things to do. I'm not even really in my mid-20's yet!
If i stay here, i lose the man. If i go, i miss out on my son's childhood. So, what's more important? Even if i am doing it for Dylan and the sake of his future and well-being... can i really not have the best of both worlds?
Agh. I hate goodbyes. I've been through enough of it. yuck.
This is inconclusive... because i'm a coward... even though i already know what the answer is. In due time, maybe.

5. We're going to enroll Dylan into pre-school. *tan tan taaaaaaaaaaaaan* (suspense music). I seriously might cry on his first day... but i'll probably bawl even harder when i receive the bills. Nyahaha. =P
Maybe i could get some help on that department *ahem ahem*.
It's time. He needs it and i can tell he's ready. He wants to socialize. He's picking up so many things so quick. He's absorbing information like a sponge. It'll be good for him. =) And of course, what's expected of my father (and most likely myself, as well), we're keeping it fully unconventional. It might be the "in" thing nowadays, i have yet to find out. But we're thinking of sending him to Anthroposophy pre-school. They study humans, yes. Or something to that extent. They develope all the necessary things FIRST, before encouraging any kind of academic "stress" (i'd like to call it) on the child. Well, it helps them deal with it better later on. It sounds interesting... and i think i'm gonna give it a go. Dylan's gonna love it, i know it.

6. Congratulations to my gurls Lizamaree & Mary Grace for bringing their own little miracles into the world. =) I can't wait to meet em... and us mommies can talk about mommy things... which is what we do because that's what we are.

7. Looking forward to seeing ANY of my gurls come home for a visit OR come home, FINALLY.
I'm very picky when it comes to deciding as to whom i call my friends. I'll talk to people and hang out because i want to, never because i'm obliged to- because that would just make me completely plastic. It takes way too much effort, and i'm not in a position to throw away extra energy on something that i deem useless.

I have a lot to look forward to, and at the same time, dread. There's more work to be done, more music to be downloaded and jewelry to be created. There's more money to be made, more people to meet, and gallons of alcohol waiting to be consumed. There's a storm coming... i'm preparing for it the best way i know how. But it's inevitable.
So whatever- bring the rain.