Tuesday, December 16, 2008

'tis the Season?

For what?

2 Things i feel (yeah, yeah, Bah-Humbug to me):

1) Christmas is a Hallmark holiday, an entire season dedicated to trap consumers.
It's an excuse to sell cards, excessively spend hard-earned money on "things", and a damn good excuse to be "nice" (why can't we be nice all year round?). Why can't we give each other presents whenever we feel like it? Is it necessary to have to do it all at the same time? It's a season that painfully reminds me of how much money i DON'T have. =p haha
Perhaps if i had wads and wads of cash, and an unlimited credit amount, i'd be happier around Christmas time... actually, i'm almost sure of it. Then again, i'd probably be happier all year round. Not to say that cash makes me happy- but it sure as hell HELPS.

2) Christmas is for kids. If I didn't have Dylan, i don't think the tree would even have made it up this year. But it's part of our childhood. I remember having so many happy memories of Christmas growing up. So the last 4 years have really just been dedicated to him. I believe a good childhood deserves good Christmas memories.
The anticipation, the excitement, the surprises. Wanting to peek at your presents (i always did that), looking forward to Noche Buena.
I mean, for kids, they don't have the liberty of buying themselves whatever they want, whenever they want it. They don't make their own money, so they depend on Mom and Dad. So putting everything you want down on a list and expecting to get MOST of it (if not ALL) in ONE day- that's pretty damn cool.

So where does that leave us?
I'm a parent, so Christmas is for Dylan. I don't know why, but i have this strong feeling that i'm SUPPOSED to always be with my family when the 24th rolls around.

Christmas is when i don't mind tipping the cab drivers more than i usually would. If they ask for extra, i don't question it, and i don't get as worked up as i usually would. I figure, they're trying to make that extra few pesos just like i am, so they can give their kids something nice or provide a really good Christmas dinner for the whole family. Tough living in a 3rd World Country.

Christmas is that time of year when you find out who really gives a shit. haha
Be it a small greeting, a short message, or a little something- knowing that someone out there remembered you on a holiday that people consider so overrated these days... it think it's still pretty sweet.
I have a handful of people that i don't hear from the whole year, but when Xmas or my birthday rolls around, i'll bet money on it that i get a text a little after midnight or a message waiting for me in my inbox. Maybe it's routine, but for me, it's still something.

Christmas is that time of year i feel like my pockets are completely empty, but i look around and realize that i'm also very lucky. I don't think about it as often as i should, but i have so many things to be thankful for and a lot to smile about.

2008 is almost over and it happened in a blink of an eye. I wonder if this is what it's like to grow older. I remember being a kid of around 9-10 years old and it took FOREVER for Christmas to come around. These days, they whiz right on by.
It was a crazy year. I'm hoping 2009 bring even better things.
Chances are, i won't write anything til next year...
so Happy Christmas guys...
Inner Peace, True Love, & Everlasting Happiness.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Are you ready for this?

Asia's Hottest Female DJ Tandem

DJ Teaze & DJ Jena





For booking and inquiries contact Chris Aldaba.

Photos by Wesley Villarica
Parallax Studios

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Negligence & The Queen of Procrastination

I write when i have too many things going through my head.
I write mostly when i'm confused, sad, angry... or bored.
I don't write when i'm happy- i'm too busy enjoying life to take the time to actually put it into writing.
I go through "writer's block" A LOT. I have a lot to say but don't know how to say it.
I think twice about what i put out there... do i really wanna let people into my life like that?
Sometimes, i just don't give a flying f@#%.

I am the Queen of Procrastination. Give me a project and you can bet everything that means anything to you that i won't get to it or start crackin at it til the very last minute (or the last 24, maybe even less, hours). That's how i've always been.
But the perfectionist in me will make sure it is of awesome quality and won't rest til it's to my satisfaction. I lose hair because of these moments.
BUT i get it done on time. =) ha!

I stopped writing on here in the beginning of the year... and look what we have here. I'm back just right before the year ends. Typical.

As any ordinary life goes... it was a roller coaster, as usual.
Very high highs, and some ultimately deep and treacherous lows.
I wish i had those implant video thingies like in that movie The Final Cut with Robin Williams. Either that or Dumbledore's Pensieve Bowl- where he takes out memories and dumps it into a very pretty stone bowl, and whenever he feels like it, he can go back to any memory he has had in his whole entire life. Pretty awesome concept if you ask me.

The year whizzed on by. I remember the days would drag sometimes, but the weeks and months seemed to just fly by like nothing.

Ian came home at the end of March. I met his parents. It didn't go very well (but that's a whole other story). I said goodbye to Ian... and it was seriously one of the hardest things i ever had to do. We've been good though. Keeping in touch every day and catching up whenever we have time. Long distance is a bitch and i seriously don't recommend it to anyone. A lot of people think i'm crazy for even thinking of doing this... but hey, if you think it's worth it, you give it a shot. So far, so good. One year down, 5 more to go. (yeah. haha. Wouldn't you like to know how that fairy tale ends?)
I don't get to see him til later because... i'm from here. Manila. The Philippines. He's over there... The States. Try being me and apply for an American Visa. Ha! Yeah, still trying to work that out...

Dylan is absolutely in love with school and he's having the time of his life. I wish i could be 4 years old again... life was so simple. I can only imagine how huge the world seems to be to him. They grow up way too fast.

Finally, finally, finally did a gig outside the country. Singapore was awesome and we had an incredible party. Jena and i are ecstatic. We're just waiting for even bigger things to hit us. This is gonna be phenomenal.
The food in Singapore was iiiiiiiiiiiin-f*ckin-credible. WOW.
Shanghai on the other hand... maybe i went to all the wrong places... but the shopping was serious business. =) I came home practically in debt.
We're waiting for confirmation dates on Canada, Dubai, Germany, KL, and Australia (maybe). How can i not be psyched about that??? Keeping my fingers crossed that the green passport doesn't fail me.
These are the moments that make me absolutely love my job.

I have days when i feel like there just isn't enough hours in a day... and other days where i feel like the day is just way too long. (That was a lot of"day(s)")
I wish i could write as often as i'd like...
These are one of those days when i have a lot of time on my hands. I'm in"recharge" mode... i'm getting ready for work tonight (meaning i'm doing absolutely nothing), i'm researching new music, i'm stalking friends on Facebook/MySpace, taking time to write emails to letters that need a long-overdue response, and untagging pictures that i deem unflattering or just completely embarrassing (due to retarded alcoholic consumption, i seem to have a lot of those- and i'm not proud of it).

I have too many of these things that i have to sign up for. Soon enough, i'll be forgetting the passwords and usernames to some of them and it'll be completely useless.
Blogger * Multiply * Myspace * Facebook * Friendster * Photobucket * MySlide * Gmail * Yahoo * AIM * Kodak (Photo something... see, i forgot already) * WAYN??? *

So this turned out to be a word-vomit session.
I may or may not have made sense... but atleast i got to write a few things down.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Those serious Flashbacks

I've always been sentimental. It's a great trait, however, a weakness at the same time. They say it's good to remember... it's just not good to dwell. Like i've said before- there's a reason why people "say" these things... there's gotta be some truth to it.

In a nutshell, a lot of things from my past have resurfaced. Some are simpler than others... and a good chunk of it- i have no idea what to do with it.

My move to Manila in the middle of my teens caused an uproar in my life. Life was perfect where i was, and i couldn't believe my parents decided to move me elsewhere for "my own good". I wasn't convinced. I had high hopes that i would be going back home anyway... that moving here, they would soon find out, was all a big mistake.
I was living in the past. Holding on to memories that were slowly being replaced. Living vicariously through the phone calls and emails that i so often received from friends. They were moving on without me... leaving the past behind and enjoying their present. I was grasping on to something that was fading and resenting everything that was right in front of me. It was something i couldn't understand at the time. My dad knew it was tearing me up inside.
He had to sit me down and give me another one of his talks. He had to explain to me that this was it. I had to move on and let go. It was the only way to make things better. It was time to stop feeling bad for myself.

So i did. The pictures on the walls came down. Banners from my "old" school were put away. The phone calls decreased. The emails thinned out. Eventually, i lost touch with these friends... and i built a new life in Manila.

It took me 9 years to think about all of this all over again.
You have to understand... when i let go of my past, i put everything away. And when you lock up something for so long... it tends to be left forgotten.
Unless it's accidentally stumbled into or found.
Unless you're asked about it.
Unless you see something that is an incredibly vivid reminder of it.
Unless you run into someone that ultimately refreshes your memory about all of it.
Unless you go looking for it yourself.

Now understand this... it was my past. I let it go. I got over it. I've built a new life... and i kinda like it. It's great to reminisce, it's awesome catching up... but sometimes, the past is better off left in the past.
Sometimes, you can't make up for lost time.
In over a decade, things have happened. People DO change.
Sometimes, the present doesn't give enough room for the things in the past to just shove its way in.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was for a different purpose...
I don't know for sure...
But what i do know is- it was good. You can't take that away from it.
I guess it's still inconclusive.

I know this may sound a bit heavy. It shouldn't be that serious.
All i'm saying is... i'm dealing with the present and making plans for the future... and all of that on its own is hard enough as it is.
Having ghosts in my closet jump back in my life wasn't part of the plan, and I'm not entirely sure of what i'm supposed to do.

Life, once again, is using me for plain amusement.
Thank you.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Intense highland fever & serious flashbacks

It was so good to be home.
I haven't been out of Manila (with the intention of getting much needed R&R) in over 2 years. The last time i was home wasn't exactly a joyful occasion. This was it. The "vacation" i was waiting for- it's just a bit strange that my vacation is set at a place where i grew up.

Baguio is different now. The familiar places look beaten down and neglected. The new places and random buildings that have popped up everywhere look so out of place. There's traffic! And the scent of pine is almost non-existent.
It's shocking what time can do to such a beautiful place.

But there are places that have been left untouched. Streets that look exactly the same as if i was on it just yesterday on my way to school. Random stops on the side of the road where i used to take breaks when i would ride my bike. My old school where i spent a chunk of my childhood and experienced some of the most memorable times of my life. My house.

I love going home. It reminds me about who i really am. It awakens long forgotten stories that should be remembered. It just brings me back to a really good time in my life... and i'm happy it will always be like that.

The past few months have been very heavy. The holidays whizzed past me and i didn't even notice it come and go. I've been spreading myself quite thin and i've been running myself to the ground. My dad thought i should go home so that i could "find myself".
I planned to go home, appreciate the peace and quiet, read a few books, drink lots of coffee, eat at all my favorite places (all 2 of them. haha) think, and write. Write a lot, actually.
It didn't go quite as i planned. But in a good way, make no mistake about that.

i have so many things running through my head right now.
I'm still in Baguio mode (thus, the highland fever) and i can't manage to get back into the swing of Manila. I'm trying to sort things out and go about my life like i have to all at the same time. Does that even make any sense?

I ran into a friend that i haven't spoken to in about 11 years. Serious flashback, that was.
but i can't think. I can't write. A part of me wants to put all of this down on paper... and a huge part of me just wants to keep it all to myself.
Maybe i'll just have to continue this some other time.