Those serious Flashbacks

I've always been sentimental. It's a great trait, however, a weakness at the same time. They say it's good to remember... it's just not good to dwell. Like i've said before- there's a reason why people "say" these things... there's gotta be some truth to it.

In a nutshell, a lot of things from my past have resurfaced. Some are simpler than others... and a good chunk of it- i have no idea what to do with it.

My move to Manila in the middle of my teens caused an uproar in my life. Life was perfect where i was, and i couldn't believe my parents decided to move me elsewhere for "my own good". I wasn't convinced. I had high hopes that i would be going back home anyway... that moving here, they would soon find out, was all a big mistake.
I was living in the past. Holding on to memories that were slowly being replaced. Living vicariously through the phone calls and emails that i so often received from friends. They were moving on without me... leaving the past behind and enjoying their present. I was grasping on to something that was fading and resenting everything that was right in front of me. It was something i couldn't understand at the time. My dad knew it was tearing me up inside.
He had to sit me down and give me another one of his talks. He had to explain to me that this was it. I had to move on and let go. It was the only way to make things better. It was time to stop feeling bad for myself.

So i did. The pictures on the walls came down. Banners from my "old" school were put away. The phone calls decreased. The emails thinned out. Eventually, i lost touch with these friends... and i built a new life in Manila.

It took me 9 years to think about all of this all over again.
You have to understand... when i let go of my past, i put everything away. And when you lock up something for so long... it tends to be left forgotten.
Unless it's accidentally stumbled into or found.
Unless you're asked about it.
Unless you see something that is an incredibly vivid reminder of it.
Unless you run into someone that ultimately refreshes your memory about all of it.
Unless you go looking for it yourself.

Now understand this... it was my past. I let it go. I got over it. I've built a new life... and i kinda like it. It's great to reminisce, it's awesome catching up... but sometimes, the past is better off left in the past.
Sometimes, you can't make up for lost time.
In over a decade, things have happened. People DO change.
Sometimes, the present doesn't give enough room for the things in the past to just shove its way in.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was for a different purpose...
I don't know for sure...
But what i do know is- it was good. You can't take that away from it.
I guess it's still inconclusive.

I know this may sound a bit heavy. It shouldn't be that serious.
All i'm saying is... i'm dealing with the present and making plans for the future... and all of that on its own is hard enough as it is.
Having ghosts in my closet jump back in my life wasn't part of the plan, and I'm not entirely sure of what i'm supposed to do.

Life, once again, is using me for plain amusement.
Thank you.