When i was 3 years old, i wanted to be a professional roller skater. What could be better, right?
Soon after that, i decided that i was gonna ride a BMX for the rest of my life. I couldn't think of anything that could top that.
At the age of 4 i dreamed that one day i was going to dance in front of a large audience and stun them with my grace and talent as a Prima Ballerina. Dancing consumed me and it's the only thing i can remember from that age.
Somewhere around 6 or 7 i was set on being a Nun. I don't remember why, exactly, but the thought of childbirth scared me... being a Nun prevented that, and that reason was good enough for me, i suppose.
When i was 8, my dad built my siblings and i a tree house. It was the best tree house ever, complete with 2 swings and a trapeze that hung from its panels. I claimed the trapeze and not too soon after, i learned all sorts of tricks. This gave me the idea of joining the circus, living a life of fun and entertainment, and i would be a part of the flying trapeze act. The mere thought of it was exciting.
Years after, when i thought i had made more sense, and i thought i knew what i was doing, my ambition focused on becoming a Marine Biologist. A life with the ocean, exploring the depths of the sea and making discoveries on unchartered territory. It was even an excuse i used to allow me to take French in 7th grade as opposed to the mandatory Filipino/Tagalog- i wanted to work with Jacque-Yves Cousteau, my dad told them.
After a little bit more of growing up, i went from Psychologist to Teacher to Bar Tender to Beach Bum. Beach Bum to Professional Dancer, Dancer to DJ, Single Mom/DJ to Interior Designer?
I keep thinking to myself, that along with these odd ambitions and/or "jobs" came a lifestyle. The whole time i was envisioning my future as what it was i was doing for a living, a whole different life came along with it.
Obviously, if i was a professional roller skater, i would be a health freak. I'd have to be in shape. Probably single with no kids. Same goes for the BMX junkie. Besides, living in a "man's world", i'd probably have to work extra hard to up my game. The competitive nature brings that out in me.
If i was a Marine Biologist, i'd have 2 kids and a husband, we'd live on the beach and own our own boat. I didn't care about fancy fur coats or to-die-for stilettos. I lived in board shorts, bikinis, and sun block. My hobbies included smoking a lot of herb and surfing. Also, i never had to go on vacation.
A life being a Nun... i don't even know if i wanna go there. I'm the least religious person i know... i can barely commit to lunch with the girls, i'm expected to commit my entire being to... God? Okay, this is turning controversial.
Moving on...
Follow me.
I see life starting out as a seed (which we were anyway). From that point on it grows... and for as long as it is alive, it grows and expands. Soon, it'll start to branch out (like literally). Now, i see this point of branching out as the "fork in the road". It was either you went left of right. So the lifeline of your tree begins to expand, and this tree being YOU is creating various lives making one parallel universe after the other. Do you see where i'm going with this?
With one experience. one decision made, another branch is created. The entire tree holds the story to your entire life. The what ifs to various situations- it's all there.
The end product of this tree is a flower or a fruit. A tree has more than one flower/fruit. Therefore, your life could have had a million different outcomes, and with that, a million different "forks in the roads". (You know what i mean)
What if you could go back in time and take a different path, make another choice, do something different, or say something you hadn't or vice versa. You'd wind up a whole different fruit... that sounds weird, so i'll just say- you'd wind up a completely different YOU.
For as long as i can remember, i've had a vision of my future one way or another. My future could have gone as far as 24 years old, but it was my future, at that time, nonetheless. We are brought up to believe in ourselves, envision our future, and achieve a certain ambition. We dream of our ideal life and what we'd want to be. We grow up with this thinking that one day, it'll all come true.
For some, they reach a point in their lives where they stop dreaming. Their ambition is blurred, and their ideal future begins to fade. They settle. What happens if you let go of your vision and simply live life as it is presented to you? It's not what you want to do, but it's everything you have to do.
So you do the laundry, you make breakfast, lunch and dinner. You take the kids to school, you pick them up from school, you help with homework and tuck them into bed. You do the groceries, pay the bills, work out a little, and get some paper work done. You surf the net, write your friends, play with the kids, and call your parents. You do some shopping, write in your diary, take a few pictures and organize a birthday party.
Years go by and you realize you've never been farther from what it was you pictured yourself to be 15 years ago as you are now. You look back and see that you got caught up in routine and lived a mediocre life. You did some things great. Others, you could have done better. Think a bit harder, and you start to see the things you only wish you could have done.
So what really happens when you stop dreaming?
Who's to say that the other flower is better than the other?
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