Sunday, August 30, 2009
Television fills our heads with so much nonsense. It's dubbed as "entertainment" which is only really something to distract us from the important things going on around us and with its sole purpose to dumb us down to prevent us from thinking too much.
The funny thing is that this garbage really works. I don't watch television at all, but if find one on at whatever random place, i find myself staring blankly at it as if in a trance.
They say knowledge is power, but people ruling our lives, who control the media, choose what goes out there for everybody to hear and for the whole world to see. We've come to the point where even what we think is unknowingly being controlled by a power hungry institution.
Think about it.
The truth is being withheld from us. The world is living a lie.
I may not have the power to change the world... but i can sure as hell create happiness and perfection in my own little corner. It looks as if it's all i can really do.
check out Zeitgeistthemovie.com and start thinking for yourself.
It's 2 hours long so give it a try if you have time. You might believe it, you might not... but it's definitely a side that should be heard.
Don't bring it up in conversation though- people will either think you're nuts or a heated argument will ensue because it involves the biggest no-no's in conversation etiquette- religion and politics. Either of which i am no huge fan of... at all.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"i have been struggling for four years with what some people struggle their entire lives with- being in love with someone you cant seem to be with. I have come to realize in these past four years, that love is not as hard as some people make it to be. When you are in the infinite state of infatuation, a feeling no word or emotion could ever come close to describing, you feel as though this life is worth living. And when you lose it, it's unreal. It's a pain i can't describe. Every muscle in my body tenses and my heart pounds so hard i feel like it will kill me. The thing i have learned most, is that this pain proves to me that my heart felt a happiness i may never feel again. I now know from my suffering that the time period in which i did feel this happiness was worth it. There are few moments in life in which i believe we find true happiness, a moment in which everything stands still and every emotion thought or worry is gone, and you're a single soul floating in a world of ecstasy. It's a feeling i wouldn't trade for anything. There is no real conclusion to this, because its indescribable. I do know, that this pain i have felt, this feeling of hopelessness, only shows me i did once fall in love. And every ounce of faith in me is devoted to the thought of reliving the happiness. I will always have hope."
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
1) Field Trip Chaperon
2) Library Reader
3) Chapel Speaker
16 out 16 parents volunteered for Field Trip Chaperon (naturally).
15 out of 16 parents volunteered for Library Reader.
1 out of 16 parents volunteered for Chapel Speaker.
How the hell did i manage to volunteer myself into Chapel Speaking?
(those who know me well will widen their eyes and begin to laugh at me right about now)
I'm sitting here thinking about it and all i can really do is laugh. Laugh and wonder.
I blame it on lack of sleep and slight insanity. I blame it on rash deciding. I blame it on being too nice (ie.- Nobody is signing up for Chapel Speaking? Oh... well, i'll do it!)
You know what, i really have no idea how i ended up signing my name on the "Chapel Speaker" category. I only realized my mistake when Dylan's homeroom teacher excitedly announced that i was the only volunteer for that particular assignment.
How excited the Chaplain will be to see who has decided to join him on Monday mornings- he was the same guy who conducted our services when i was attending school there- 11 years ago.
On the bright side, all i really have to do is relay a personal experience to the value or morals being discussed that day. I guess, in a way, that beats reading a story with exuberant gusto to younglings that could possibly think i'm strange and lead Dylan to great embarrassment.
[I could just be saying that to make myself feel better. ]
Just a Thought:
How i went from writing about wild parties, hangovers, and crazy weekends to kindergarten assignments is beyond me...
Monday, August 24, 2009
The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you.
-Lost in Translation
Thursday, August 20, 2009
"Jupiter is the largest of all the planets, aptly reflecting its principle of drawing us towards a sense of fullness and offering a grander, more expansive vision of reality. It expresses the qualities of abundance, freedom, growth and fertility; broadening our horizons and bringing relief from the restraints that cause us to view the world in narrow, constricting terms. Its sense of liberation allows us to move, explore, think and act with greater acknowledgement of the power of our own self-will. "
Jupiter is in retrograde from June 15 - October 13, 2009 which means you will be experiencing things in your life that cause you to find yourself, spiritually - get in touch with your true self and recognize what truly makes you happy.
[courtesy of S., via the AQ]
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I think it's interesting. It makes me think. Some make me laugh. A lot of it are ridiculous and hard to believe.
It makes great conversation.
As weird as some of them may be, it's real.
I forget a lot of it as soon as i'm done reading them, but it was entertaining at the time.
There's always something out there.
I just get a kick out of it. Period.
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
Follow the three R’s:
- Respect for self.
- Respect for others.
- Responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone everyday.
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the earth.
Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
-the 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Once again, i am contemplating. I feel like so much has changed and so many things are starting anew. With this new beginning and with this new life unraveling, i feel like a brand new me.
I am no longer a DJ. I wouldn't say i've retired from this occupation, but i have, for now, have put it on hold.
My name happened by chance, by some kind of accident, and i allowed it to stick. Mind you, this DJ name of mine was created 9 years ago- someone who was a lifetime ago. Someone young, naive, and no longer who i am.
Thus, "DJ Teaze" is no more. As it should be (and it is)- "miss-teaze-ism" is so... 6 years ago.
Who am i now? What do i exude? What am i trying to get across?
Well, i don't know really.
So until i have figured this out and something strikes me as appropriate, i will remain "title-less".
I am naturally fickle when it comes to these things. I was far from being DJ "Teaze" when i resumed DJing again back in 2006... but my indecisiveness kept me from settling with a new name. There were also all the "accomplishments" and titles that came with the name that i had already established. However, now, i think it's safe to say that i can finally let it all go.
So what is this and who the hell am i?
There's no need to rush.
I am me.
I don't really need to call it anything.
Friday, August 14, 2009
2. No matter how many times i've had it, i still can't get sick of longsilog or tapsilog. I've had either or everyday since i've been here. Lemme see how much longer i can do this.
3. Although i figured the weather up here would be great for a run out in the open, with fresh air and a cool breeze in my face- it's much better for sleeping in. I have problems.
4. When Dylan and i go out for our daily walk... i sometimes feel like i'm walking my dog. Hey, i'm just saying! LOL
Instead of stopping to poop or pee, he stops to pick up sticks.
And don't even say anything... because some parents actually put their kids on a leash and think it's the best idea ever.
While i walk at a steady pace, he runs with all his might in front of me.
I think it's awesome that kids don't know what being tired is yet...
5. Hearing club music in this forestry setting is weird. Akon & Ne-yo and everything else of the like just seems to follow me everywhere. It's annoying!
6. I just killed 4 ginormous flies with a lighter. If this is what happens with a lot of time on your hands, i need to get started with my hobbies.
7. Picking a DVD that you have no idea what it's about- when it slightly relates to a life you're familiar with... can that be considered a sign?
8. I have too much time to think.
We were exposed to this socialite community surrounded by carbon-copy-clubheads. Everyone wanted to be somebody.
Funny thing is- i didn't really care. I was just out there for the fun.
It's always been about having fun.
And we did just that.
These days, i roll in a different circle.
There's no alcohol involved, they don't care about sneakers, t-shirts are for "kids", and getting in for free isn't cool anymore- the more you pay, the cooler you are, apparently.
[some mind sets don't change much after high school, i guess]
In these here parts, the game has been tweaked.
It's about who has the most well behaved toddler, whose kid is doing the best in class, who packs the better lunch, and who makes the happier child. It's about where you live, the car you drive, and your spouse's job.
Welcome to the world of grade school parents. Everyone's trying to keep their sanity whilst doing the best they can with the babies.
I've got news for you kids- i'm not in the game, and there's no competition.
I'm just out here for fun.
It's still all about having fun.
That's never gonna change.
Yay for weekends!!!
(That NEVER changes, either)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Being back in my old school everyday, at the time that i used to come in, seeing all the students gather where we once used to sit, and experience everything commence as it once had- i've been hit with nostalgia to the fullest effect.
All the memories have flooded back in. When i used to visit i'd remember all the things i missed about being there. Now that i'm back and i see my son as a student, some things have changed. I remember what it's like to be a student. The rules i had to follow, the homework that had to be done, the fun i had during breaks, and of course, the horrible things kids have to endure whilst earning their education.
School is harsh. Kids are cruel. It's not just about learning your math, english and social studies. It's learning how to survive- how to deal with other kids.
I look back now and the problems i faced, which seemed like the end of the world at the time, seem so trivial. But how crucial it was to deal with them at the time... i could laugh for days just thinking about it. What i would give to deal with those kinds of problems today... as opposed to what real life could really throw at you.
I watch Dylan and fear for him. Haha. I hope he deals with them the right way. I hope he can take the blows. I know i can't baby him through all of this. I know i have to let him go and experience all of it on his own. No good can come from sheltering our little ones too much. They'll only get hit harder later on.
If there's one thing i'd want kids to know it would be this: Keep it real and be true to yourself. Because what you are in grade school or high school does not determine what you will be out there in the real world. And if people don't like you for who you really are, then they're probably not worth the effort anyway.
... and for heaven's sake- don't rush it. Enjoy being a kid. You're only a kid for a few years, you get to be an adult the rest of your life. We spend the majority of our childhood yearning to grow up and spend our adulthood yearning to be kids again. It's ridiculous.
My dad told me this when i was a kid. I didn't listen and i wish i had. haha
It's the vicious cycle.
You warn your kids not to jump in the hole only to find them looking around at the bottom later on. That's just how it works. I suppose it works out fine.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
"Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700%."
Is that true?? there was no source for the statement... but it makes me wonder... hmm.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I drink way too much coffee.... i forget to drink water. The climate up here doesn't help either because this drink serves as comfort in a cup.
I read too many blogs. Next thing i know, 4 hours has passed and i'm still sitting in front of my computer and my day has gone to waste. Not that i would call it a waste per se, because of the knowledge i've gained and the entertainment it's served. It's better than watching TV, i tell you. Well, for me, anyway.
I take too many pictures. I am running out of space on my computer and i need to invest in a bigger hard drive. It's because of my attempt to document everything in my life and the determination to capture a "money shot".
I steal too many photos off the internet. Again, i'm running out of space for this "hobby" of mine. If i can't capture it myself, i appreciate seeing the work of someone else who can. I will make a wall out of these pictures one day. Mark my words.
I give in to consumer hell too easy. I buy anything i come across that i like (within my price range, of course). Even though i have enough, i can't help myself when i come across something too pretty to be left on a shelf. This needs to stop.
I have too many different colors on my head. This whole fascination with coloring my hair will lead to my mane's demise. I have vowed to control this and come time when my roots are disgustingly overgrown, i will tone it down to one color and stick with it.
I have a tendency to try on clothes and if i don't like it, i'll leave em unfolded somewhere until it creates somewhat of a hill in a corner in my closet. No bueno. Must enforce discipline. I am going to try my very best to say goodbye to "organized clutter". (My dad's pet peeve- he says it's only an excuse of mine to stay messy. haha)
These quirks are what makes me ME. But when it gets to the point of being severely unhealthy, an intervention needs to be made and i need to put myself on a restriction. Each day that passes up here is a step to reinvention. This whole move is about change and if i'm going for a certain direction in my life, it might as well be the "right" one.
I encourage positive change. Let go of a bad habit today.
(not to say that i'm giving up coffee. I think i'll start with something small... like not buying anything i want and just stick to more of what i need. That should be good enough.)
That is all.
Monday, August 10, 2009
[looking at those dates, i feel obliged to go see a doctor and check if i might be prone to liver failure anytime soon]
Am i having withdrawals? I wouldn't say so... but would i like a drink? Right now? Yeah. LOL
To be honest with you, i didn't even think about it til today. Oh wait, no. That was a lie... i thought about it on Friday because i was thinking about being at work.
okay, i'm over it. Sobriety is totally feasible, guys!
Do i miss the chaos of the city yet? No, not really.
I was preparing myself for the first day of school scenario. What if he doesn't want to be there? What if he panics and doesn't want me to leave? Everybody has to go through this... the right thing to do is to leave him in the careful watch of his teacher and trust that he'll get through the day okay.
His situation is different. He has never been anywhere without any of us that has lived with him his whole life. He's used to being with someone that he sees on the daily basis. I don't leave him with a yaya. I've never left him at a friend's house for a playdate. It might be a tad overprotective, but that wasn't our intention. It's just how it played out. He just always had one of us there. It's the plus side to having 3 "parents" and my siblings as his own.
I want school to be something fun. I don't want it to be traumatizing or miserable.
Is abandoning him there synonymous to deception? Is bailing him out considered bad parenting? How will i get him to calm down? What should i say to make it ok? How can i make him go in? Addressing his issue is a sign of weakness. Kids can sense that and use it to their advantage. It's a proven theory.
Will I be okay? This is my first time too. How will all the parents look at this? What am i gonna do??
It's natural for him to be attached at this age. Nothing wrong with that at all. It's almost cute that he always wants to be with family. It shows a healthy family relationship.
It would worry me if he always just wandered off by himself without a care in the world with no emotional attachments to anybody. Doesn't that sound more of a problem?
Really, I was just hoping for a really smooth morning.
I almost prayed. Yes, that's a huge thing.
My little man was a happy camper, and i couldn't be more proud.
Demons in my head... what unnecessary, self-inflicted stress. *tsk tsk*
I shouldn't flatter myself too much.
17 years to go.
(LOL. Let's not get ahead of ourselves there)
Happy Monday folks. =)
I don't remember my first day of school. My dad says i didn't cry. Apparently, i went off like it was something i already knew how to do. I've always been like that, i think. I always wanted to appear like i could handle anything that was thrown in my direction. I have my doubts sometimes... but one thing i know i carry well is confidence. When you believe in yourself, it makes a lot of things... well, a lot easier.
Tomorrow is no different. It's my first time as a parent seeing my first child off to school. It signifies time and growth- seeing your kids off to school. One day they're in kindergarten the next day they're off to college.
It's a crazy feeling experiencing the milestones of a child's life. Seeing them turn into their own person right before your eyes. Dylan is nothing short of amazing to me. I would think any child is to the eyes of their parent.
The first time he rolled over, i was the only person there to see it. I screamed with amazement and excitement and i couldn't contain myself. I think i might have even scared him. I shot my parents a text. It was the first of many firsts to come.
The first time he took a step on his own, same story. I watched him with awe and felt like my baby was growing up. To think they fit in your hand at one point in their lives... and one day they're just too heavy to carry. He's gonna be taller than me one day.
I'm gonna fall asleep tonight and wake up in a few hours a different person. I'm gonna remember this day for the rest of my life and remember what all of this meant to me. Not only is my son growing up... but i'm doing some growing up of my own as well.
Let the parenting begin.
Friday, August 7, 2009
People say that this Secret in a non-believer's equivalent to a God. That the so-called Universe is God. Anything you desire is within your reach... all you really have to do is believe. It's all about the Law of Attraction. The Power of the Mind. Everybody has it.
It sounds like a load of crap. It also sounds easier than it actually is. Have you ever tried to consciously think of positive outcomes instead of worry about what negative could possibly happen? Surrendering to our frustrations and worries come way easier than keeping our heads up and believing in the best.
On a normal day out on the sidewalk waiting for a cab in Manila rush hour traffic. So far, we're running 5 minutes late for a meeting.
Typically we would think: "Oh man, i'm late. It's rush hour too... dammit. I'm never gonna get a cab. I'm gonna be so late."
When we should be thinking: "I'm gonna get a cab right away. I'll make it on time. No sweat."
Try it. It almost always works on me. When it doesn't... it's usually coz i'd be thinking the negative side on the back of my head.
3 Basic Rules:
Think it. Keep it in your head. Remind yourself about it constantly.
Believe it. I mean, really believe it. Know that it's yours. Know that it's possible. Clear your head of any doubt and seriously believe it.
Be it. Take the necessary actions to get there. Nobody ever got anywhere by sitting on their asses waiting for shit to happen. Live the way you want, without any worries, stress free, and the Universe will take care of everything.
The minute i stopped worrying about money, i was provided with everything i needed. It was never in excess or overwhelming riches... but i was always given enough. I was more comfortable in my own skin, more confident with my life, and i let go of the stress that the financial burden was digging into my wallet- as soon as i let go, things started to happen.
I have a lot of friends that live by this. I know a lot of people who have shared their stories and swear by it. There's something to it, you just have to believe in it and do it right.
There's a sense of freedom that comes with realizing who you really are and knowing what you really want. There's this feeling of serenity with letting go of excess baggage and clearing out the clutter. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and it's time for new dreams.
Time to create new clutter.
I need to make a new vision board... and maybe i should up my standards a little bit. =p
I needed to write this to remind myself too.
I want a new iMac.
Universe, hear me out!!!
So... what do you want?
The Universe can hear you.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Be what you would seem to be - or, if you'd like it put more simply - never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Dylan is a 5th generation Baguio City resident.
He starts school on Monday. He had his final meeting today with the Deputy Head and the Lower School Principal. He was given a warm welcome to school... and i was given a very warm welcome to coming back- as Dylan's mom. Some of the Faculty and Admin are still the same folks as when i used to attend school there... so i have to start getting used to calling them by their actual names as opposed to Sir or Ma'am. That's a huge adjustment and i find it to be a bit awkward, so maybe i'll just avoid calling them any name at all... or strictly stick to calling them by their last names, such as, "Mr. (insert name here)" or "Ms./Mrs. (insert name here)". Yeah, that should do. =p haha
My kid is now a 2nd Generation Brentonian. How cute. We're picking up his uniforms tomorrow and meeting his teachers. I hope he loves it as much as i did. I didn't realize how good we had it until we had to leave.
Manila was a tough place. It started feeling a little bit too artificial for me. Being back home reminds me of what really matters and the whole idea of keeping it real. I want Dylan to grow up with a sense of self. I can't fully express myself or put into words the idea i have in my head... but in a nutshell, i wanna encourage the child in my son to come out and play. I wanna nurture his creativity right and keep it wholesome. After all, the perk of being a kid is that you get to act like one 24/7. I may be old fashioned, but i feel like the kids in our generation turned out quite nicely.
Aside from the cool weather, i think, overall, this is a great place to spend your childhood. It's the main reason as to why i decided to move back. There's something about growing up in a small town that feels so... legit.
I could just be old fashioned. I could just be "out" with the times. Hell, i could just be biased for all i know. But i don't see how running around the mall or staying home spending majority of your time in front of the boob tube playing video games can be considered a decent childhood. What happened to playing on your street or climbing trees? Playing with sticks and actually getting to know your neighbors?
I know people fare fine in the big city. I'm fully aware that it's not a bad thing. Don't get me wrong... all i'm saying is- it's not for me.
At this day and age, kids are growing up so fast. At least they try to. Why is everyone in such a hurry to become adults? I wish they could understand that it's overrated. I know a part of me is doing this Small Town thing as an effort to make the most out of Dylan's childhood and to preserve his innocence for as long as i can. I like keeping it simple. It instills a certain kind of humility that i truly admire... and is very hard to find these days.
It's official. Welcome to the next phase of my life.
PS: i so do NOT look like a parent. I'm gonna have some difficulty getting people to take me seriously.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I was tossing and turning on our new bed, in our new room, in our new home. The hours ticked on by until complete exhaustion lulled me to sleep.
I opened my eyes to a room filled with sunlight and a slight chill in the air. I fought the need to get up and appreciated the warmth underneath the blankets. Dylan was still out cold.
It's a brand new day.
This is the beginning of our new life.
The feeling is bit alien to me, and if anything, a little surreal. Did i really just pack up my entire life in 3 boxes, a suitcase, and a gym bag? I just quit my job and uprooted Dylan and myself from our life in the city. I never knew i had it in me. Me. Someone so comfortable with the steady rhythm of familiarity. I always greeted the coming of change with so much rebellion. I realize now that my homecoming is absolutely nothing like what it felt like when i left it 10 years ago. It comes with a certain kind of maturity, i guess. I am more aware of the good things this change will bring... as opposed to the teenager that i was, convinced the change was synonymous to my life being over.
This time around things are different. This time around i'm ready.
This time around- i'm the parent. LOL
Here goes nothing.
Good Morning World!!!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Thanks Manila. It's been swell.
on a typical Sunday morning after a drunken club night fiasco *
To be modern is to find ourselves in an environment that promises us adventure, power, joy, growth, transformation of ourselves and the world- and at the same time that threatens to destroy everything we have, everything we know, everything we are.
-Marshall Berman, All That Is Solid Melts Into Air
3 hours never passed so quickly. I savored every roar and piercing scream. I laughed at the requests but kindly obliged. The energy was incredible. It was a proper last hurrah. I couldn't have been more grateful.
This was the job that had kept me going for the last few years. This was the job that took me places and showered me with opportunities. This was the job that didn't feel like it was work most of the time. This was the job that defined my life- it was FUN. I loved it. This was what i grew up with.
For everything that this experience has presented to me... Thank you.
We will meet again soon.
For now, blasting music in my room will have to do.