It wasn't on an alarm on a calendar. It wasn't on a note written to remind myself. He didn't come to me in my dream, he hasn't in so long. This year, i saw the date and i just remembered.
I walk the same halls we used to walk as young teens in high school. I see the places where we used to go and the same old roads we used to tread. I see other people who once knew you like i did. We reminisce about the "good old days". It's a painful reminder but the memories are so good.
You are constantly remembered.
I still wish i could have been there and maybe, just maybe, it would have made a difference.
It's been 7 years & i still miss you.
That day had such a huge impact on my life. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling, the way i felt numb and helpless. I cried and i cried, and i shut everyone out. I was inconsolable.
I never want to feel that way again. I do not wish that kind of pain on anyone.
It was the first time in my life i had ever felt like a complete failure as a friend.
I've always known that if there was a quality in myself that i would most want to be appreciated, it would be my loyalty and the value i put on friendship. I've always been the go-to girl. I would drop anything in a heartbeat if someone needs me. I'm here to listen and i'm always more than willing to help. I've always made it a point to be reliable and everything i do only comes from a good place. I will not leave your side until you tell me that everything is good. If i give you my word, know that my word is good. Anything that i say is said with complete sincerity- even if it hurts, i will only give you the truth. Even if i'd much rather be somewhere else, i will stick it out with you.
These attributes were only strengthened by this experience.
Such a strong characteristic trait rooted from such a tragic loss.
Perhaps a lucky few have been able to benefit from this unpleasant occurrence i once felt would be impossible to recover from. Who knew that something so painful would give me something positive in return...
It is said that time heals all wounds. I know it wasn't my fault. I know there was nothing i could have done to change the outcome. These things happen for a reason and it's not our job to figure it out. Life will continue as it always does and we take from these experiences whatever it has to offer... even if it comes in small increments over a long period of time.
Have i figured out what it all means? No.
Do i fully understand what all of this was supposed to teach me? No.
The lesson in all its glory might dawn on me one day... and then again, there's a possibility it may never. I don't know.
But one thing's for sure...
I am a damn good friend- i know that for a fact.