Saturday, November 28, 2009

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.


When you find a few people that really get you, and i mean, really get you- keep em close.
They're a rare commodity but completely necessary for sanity in life.

I laugh uncontrollably until i cry.
I can say whatever i want without having to give it a second thought or hold back.
My imperfections are not judged, but warmly accepted. All our imperfections tie in well to make everything perfect.
My worries are not belittled- there is never a shortage of comfort.
Being sober is just as much fun as getting smashed.
Hangovers are cured with soup.
You can chat all night or sit in silence- it's all good in the hood.
Stay or go- that's fine too.

I'm a lucky girl.
I'm forever thankful.
LOVE all around. =)

pS: Increase the PEACE... please.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Mom Moment

The little things are the things i hope i never forget.
You realize they're not going to stay like this forever.
Someday, this will all be in the past and it'll be a life you can't ever get back.
He's still in it and i miss it already.
For someone so amazing, i consider myself lucky to witness this every single day.

My participation for Career Day at Dylan's school was kept quiet as a surprise for Dylan who did not know that his mom would be one of the guest speakers.
The whole day they kept telling the Kindergarten kids that there was a surprise for them. It was especially hyped up for Dylan.

I sit in the Little Theater and hear the kids approaching. I hear the teacher ask Dylan, "Are you ready for the surprise?!?" as they step into the room.
Dylan has the biggest smile on his face as he says, "That's not a surprise... that's just my mom!"

We all laugh.

He walks up to me, with a smile from ear to ear, gives me a hug and a kiss and says, "Hi Mom. Can i sit with you?"

That's my baby.
How i adore him.

We're exiting the cab as it stops in front of our gate.
Dylan is thanking the driver for the ride and telling him to take care and be careful.
As the driver reaches over to hand me my change, i smile at him and politely tell him to keep the change.
Dylan, on the other hand, smugly tells the man, "No, thank you. You keep it. I don't need money."
Embarrassed, i just smile awkwardly.
Relieved, my son thinks he has everything he needs.

I'm talking to Ian via Skype. It's way past his bedtime. Dylan, as usual, comes over to talk to him. I tell Dylan to tell him to go to sleep.
Dylan looks at Ian and says, "Ian, go to sleep now. You read a book, and then go to sleep."
How sweet he thinks that everybody has the same bedtime ritual as we do.

The sun is shining bright. It's 6am and i'm ready to start my day. I open the blinds and let some light in the room. I have my morning coffee and read a bit before i wake Dylan up.
I walk back into the room and start chiming, "Good morning..."
Dylan starts to move. He's waking up.
I sit next to him and wake him slowly.
"Good morning..." I say.
Without even opening his eyes, he says, "It's a foggy day. There's a storm. I'm staying here."
I didn't know they started making excuses to avoid going to school this early.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Arbitrary Mind Picks #23

1. I can't ever get an MRI. Otherwise, metal fragments will rip through my skin.
I will forever trip metal detectors. Unless, of course, they clean out all the pieces chillin' in my gluteus.

2. I've discovered my new love- Dark Chocolate Hershey's Kisses.
They're bite size, they're delicious, they have antioxidants, and it comes in purple wrapping. =)

3. The laundry lady has agreed to wash our clothes using my soap and fabric softener of choice. Trust me, this is HUGE.

4. I'm speaking at school tomorrow for Career Day. *cue laugh*
Uh, yeah.
I don't blame em. My career was pretty awesome. I'm just not sure i'm going back to it.
(??? Jena, are we still doing this?)

5. Final sweep of the house in Manila this weekend. I lived there for 10 years. We're emptying it out. This is gonna be nuts...

6. Ian: "I'd rather get a mean doctor that's really good than a nice doctor that's shitty."
Me: "Yeah, you're right. Well, what if you get a mean, shitty doctor?"
-which totally reminds me. I love House.

7. Today, i have communicated with my dad through SMS, YM, Facebook, & Gmail.

8. Dylan just ate 15 pieces of Hershey's Milk Chocolate Kisses. I can't tell whether or not this has altered his behavior in terms of how hyper he is. It always seems like he's on chocolate.

9. The Christmas tree is up and we have a star hanging on our front door. That's about as Christmassy as i'll be getting, i think.

10. I have gotten into the red wine habit. I think it'll have to stop.

Let's Take A Look, Shall We?

I hate hospitals.
I don't like being in there, i don't like the way it looks, i don't like the way it feels, i hate the way it smells, the vibe in there are all kinds of wrong, and i don't like the message it sends out- "There's something wrong with you. Come here." I step inside one and i instantly feel like there's something wrong with me. *shudder*
It also doesn't help that i have terrible memories and traumatizing experiences tied to the place. Yeah, maybe that also has something to do with it.

So i was at the hospital this morning. I had to go for a consultation appointment with an orthopedic surgeon regarding an old injury that has... well... umm... resurfaced. Literally. Basically, leftover fragments from a certain mishap that happened 4 and a half years ago are moving around in my... bum. And well, it's really a bummer. Pun intended. It's bugging the hell outta me.
The biggest fragment has surfaced to skin level causing bruising and discomfort.
I've always put off check-ups and appointments and surgery because i just didn't have time and really, i never wanted to have another operation done.
But i have to. Because this is just ridiculous.

So that's my ass.
Can you spot the objects that don't belong?
That's a lot of shtuff that shouldn't be in there...

Ugh. I hate hospitals.
(But thankful for the service that it provides and the countless lives that the people associated with such a place save everyday).
I guess doctors and nurses are cool. Some of them, anyway. =p

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Creating Childhood Memories

*Oh, to be a kid again.


I will make these someday. Soon.
I'm saying it'll look like that, but i can't guarantee they'll taste good. haha

Monday, November 23, 2009

Arbitrary Mind Picks #22

1. I don't know anything about red wine (yet)... but i do know that i like to drink it. =)

2. I'm the girl that feels awkward in high-profile & snooty society functions. I'll be the chick standing next to the open bar and laughing at inappropriate occasions. I can only stand being "dressed up" for so long- but i can also fit in nicely if i wanted to.
I think that's a good balance.

3. i have no idea what my favorite accessory is anymore. Perhaps, i've learned to like them all.

4. i'm on a good high. A clean kind of high. A good kind of clean high.
It's annoying to some people... but that only means you need to get on this ride.

5. Dylan makes being a mom totally worth it. You know why? Because my son is awesome.

" Who did Burger King marry? Dairy Queen! What's the name of their child? Carl's Jr! What's his favorite toy? Jack in the Box! "

*It made me laugh. Out loud. By myself. Beats me. Haha

Yes, YOU.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


I'm working on my laptop.
Dylan's playing with his trains.
He looks in my direction and goes for my camera.
He turns it on.
He points it at me.
He looks at me and says, "Say 'Dwah?!?'"

hmm... that's kinda cool.

Lucky Me!

*I've been having some pretty good ones lately... =)
I feel very lucky, extremely blessed, extraordinarily happy, exceptionally satisfied, & remarkably relieved. It's almost like a dream, i tell you. But it's not- and everything is exactly how it's supposed to be.
I smile everyday and i'm thankful... and i'm even more excited because it can only get better.

At this very moment, i sound like one of those annoying overly-happy, excessively optimistic, absurdly bouncy people that shit on your day even more when you're already having a bad one. I'm aware of that.

But i've also just recovered from a spiraling, whirlwind kind of struggle. All the more to believe that when you hit rock bottom- there's no other way to go but up. Life happens in waves.

Irritating, isn't it?
But there are worse lives... and even the less fortunate can find things to smile about and be grateful for. It would be ridiculous for you not to. In that case, you're just being a brat.

Nobody likes brats.

Sometimes in the most unfortunate of lives there will occur a moment or two of good fortune.
-Lemony Snicket

The Little Things

1. Sleeping in your own bed after you've been away.
2. When you make someone else's day.
3. Being sent mail.
4. Listening to your favorite songs on repeat.
5. Finding a cab as soon as you step out.
6. People who just "get" you.
7. Finding the thing you thought you had lost.
8. Checking the time and it's exactly 11:11
9. Making it home just before it rains.
10. Waking up to a nice text/offline/private message

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun, the human race would have died out eons ago.
-Dr. Allison Cameron, House

Monday, November 16, 2009


I let the weekend take me.
I was so engrossed in everything that was going on, i didn't even bother to check Dylan's assignment notebook to see if anything had to be done. To my dismay, i opened the notebook this morning to sign on my specified space... to find an assignment.
Dylan needs a costume by Tuesday (tomorrow). Oh. No.

He needs a costume of a character based on a book he's reading.
He's reading Thomas the Tank Engine. I need to make him a train costume. Today. Ready for tomorrow.

So i racked my brain and decided i'll use a box and some colored cardboard and do this.
It's now 7:45pm. 15 minutes 'til Dylan's bed time. You know what? I finished the costume.
Thomas the Tank Engine!!!

Your regular balikbayan box...

...turned into Dylan's favorite train.

*pat on the back*
K, i need to stick some wheels on that guy before we head to bed.
It only took me 6 hours too... haha!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Saturday, November 14, 2009

It's About That Time

Drink that coffee.
Collect those stickers.
Claim your 2010 Starbucks Planner.
(I should get free coffee for a plug like this)

...except there are only 2 branches up here... i've gone maybe 3x in the past 4 months... and i like my coffee at home anyway.

How am i gonna do this?

Arbitrary Mind Picks #20

1. I just spent a ridiculous amount of money in an effort to make my bed super duper hella uber crazy lazy-friendly. The mission is to make it so comfortable that i'd never wanna get up (which is probably not good for me, but i just really really want it). I'm almost there... just a few more things missing. *argh*

2. My latest craze- furniture shopping.
It takes time, the right pieces, and a lot of... well... funds, really. But it's highly addicting and so exciting and really, it makes me happy. Honestly, right now, it's better than chocolate.
I have my eye on some frames, a shoe cabinet, a shelf, and this mirror i can't take my mind off. *tsk tsk* It makes me feel as if all those times i spent splurging on clothing was so pointless. (Not that i regret it or anything)

3. Nothing tells me i'm doing alright and that all is good in the hood as much as the smile i see on Dylan's face when i know he's genuinely happy. It erases all the headache moments and my fears and doubts are pushed aside.
After 4 months of settling down and testing the waters, i am finally confident in saying- i made the right decision and this move was the best idea i ever came up with.

4. I went to the local Baguio City Market today- i felt like a tourist in my own city. I regret not bringing my camera and caught so many moments i would have loved to capture in... digital form.
I will be making regular trips over there from now on... so many great things in such an unexpected place. I love it!

5. Dylan got a bicycle with training wheels today... and the adventure begins! haha

6. Should i make a vision board with my Christmas wish-list on it? I wonder if it works that way...

7. You never really see it at the time, but it takes a really shitty-ass low for you to appreciate and achieve a high. You know- bitter to appreciate the sweet. Silver lining in dark clouds. Seeing the horizon after losing sight of the shore. All that jazz.
I can laugh at it today... but i'm pretty sure i'll hate it all and curse it to the high heavens again sometime in the future.
It's a vicious cycle. That's just the way the cookie crumbles... i guess.

8. If you can look in the mirror and seriously say, "Man, i am so lucky..." then congratulate yourself for getting past all the bullshit and seeing the good in what life is offering right in front of your face. I forget it every now and then, sometimes i even doubt it... but life wasn't meant to suck and we weren't put here to be miserable.

9. Scientists have discovered that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.
No wonder.

"What about love?"
"Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate."

-Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate


Friday, November 13, 2009

If i could...

... have any pet in the world- i'd ask for a Panda.

-and i shall call him Quapao.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Every Album Ever

They're More than just Stickers now

Everyday, at the end of class, Dylan and his classmates are rewarded with stickers- depending on how well they did that day. Of course, the more stickers, the better. Dylan was always ecstatic about this and, without fail, would show me his collection beaming with pride. Every day.

Last week, the boasting stopped. I never questioned it or asked what had happened to the stickers. I just assumed maybe the teacher was running out or hey, maybe he wasn't cooperating too well (haha).

As i was sitting in the living room yesterday, Dylan comes up to me and comments on the bombardment of stickers living on my laptop. He asks me, "Are those your stickers?"
I say, "Yup."
He says, "That's a lot of stickers. I have a lot of stickers too. You wanna see?"
Of course, i oblige.
He runs away in a hurry and comes back holding his Assignment Notebook for school.
"See?!?!?" He beams.
I stare at the notebook to find a scatter of stickers all over its cover.

"It's like your computer!!" He exclaims happily.
I look at him and i melt.

The teacher then explains- when his turn comes to receive his stickers, he rushes to grab his notebook and opts to have them stuck on there as opposed to having it put on his face/hand/arm. Dylan explained that he wanted it- "just like Mommy's computer".


I am going to be the greatest influence on my son's life.
I didn't fully grasp the idea of this until yesterday.
Everything i do or say, the way i act, how i handle situations, and how i speak to him... it will all reflect on the kind of person he's growing up to be.
What a huge responsibility... i hope i do this right.
I'm doing the best i can... i know that much.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

They always say that "Love is blind". Well, they fail to mention that it's deaf, as well.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

My Itch to Scratch

Out of the blue, my right hand suddenly had the most profound urge to... play with a record.
What did you think i was gonna say?

It's almost like a cramp that won't go away.
Muscle memory is probably wondering what the hell is going on.

Ugh. I can't shake it off.
I. Miss. My. Job.*

*[Disclaimer: Not to say that things aren't swell over here. Quite the contrary, it's splendid & dandy.]

Every time i jump in a cab, i greet the driver with either a "hello", a "good morning", or a "Hi" before i tell them where it is i'd like to go. Only once or twice have i ever gotten a "hello" back. Hmm...

Monday, November 9, 2009

Arbitrary Mind Picks #19

1. The worst person to fight with is the person who knows you the best- they sure as hell know where to hit you the hardest.

2. One good thing can erase 10 bad things. That's not fair. Love IS blind.

3. Your emotional state affects your cooking. If you must cook angry or sad, avoid serving it to other people... especially the ones you just met.

4. I'll take physical pain over emotional pain any day- says the girl who's experienced vehicular accidents, giving birth, a bikini wax, getting shot, physical therapy, and other miscellaneous, painful ordeals.

5. No matter how shitty i feel, Dylan can still make me laugh. It's some kind of gift. I'm sure all kids have that affect on their parents. (Until a certain age, anyway)
I wake up and i don't want to move.
I drag myself out of bed and think to myself, "I can do this..."
And then i laugh because i know i've said that so many times before.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Is anybody there?

You ever catch yourself staring blankly into nothing and you wake yourself up with a kind of start? You realize that you were in deep thought but your thoughts were so jumbled up that you can't seem to recall what it was exactly that you were thinking of or why you were even doing any of that to begin with. I'm sure millions of people out there have done it.

You ever sit and think in silence and wonder what your purpose in life was? Perhaps you're meant for greater things or maybe you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. How do you know for sure? If you go for what you think you're supposed to do only to find later on that you don't even like it, how do you take a step back? Well, you can't. So now you're shit outta luck. I don't understand how that can make anybody happy.

You ever imagine what your life could have possibly been like if you had done something different in the past? Everybody's thought about it. Don't lie. Well, it would be great to know that that version of your story was really messed up and you got the good end of the deal, wouldn't it? I think knowing that would make me happy.

You ever just sit and think to yourself and write things down and see what you come up with?
Well, i just did. I think it's kinda strange. Maybe next time i shouldn't hold back at all and see what shows up on these pages. That would be interesting.
Maybe i'll do that tomorrow.
It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.
— Alice In Wonderland
Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy — the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.
— Eric Hoffer
For the rest of my life i'm going to look for someone exactly like you.
I will be wondering about all the things that could have been.
I won't want to know how you're doing- i couldn't bear the thought of it... but i would imagine you were getting along fine. I mean, things do happen for a reason.
For the rest of my life i will see, hear, and say things that will forever remind me of you.
You were a part of my life for so long, you can't really help it. You are always going to be a part of who i am. I am me for so many reasons because of you.
Perhaps, for the rest of my life i will be missing the reality of you and me.
But life moves on and maybe i'll end up a different person.
But no matter what happens, for the rest of my life i will always be thankful.
You will always be you to me for the rest of my life.

Friday, November 6, 2009

An unexpected downpour and I am just giving myself into it. Because what the fuck else can you do? Run for cover? Shriek or curse? No- when the rain falls, you just let it fall and you grin like a madman and you dance with it, because if you can make yourself happy in the rain, then you’re doing pretty alright in life.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Life doesn't get easier, does it?
There will always be mountains to move and oceans to cross.
Something will always pop up that you can't have.
Problems will always show up and you have to man up.
Someone will always irritate or disappoint you.
Things won't always go the way you plan it.

... but i guess it really just depends on how you handle it.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

You're never too old.

Snow White, Belle, Red Riding Hood, & Jasmine

Costumes courtesy of Reena.
At one point in the evening a guy came up to me and asked, "You're friends with the Disney princesses, right?" To which i replied, "Yup."
He then continued to ask me, "How come they all have a movie and you don't?"
Haha. Good question. I don't really know the answer to that.

Halloween was a huge success and loads of fun. If you weren't out that night, you for sure missed out. I'm glad i was able to make my way to the metro for it. That, and to celebrate one of my really close friend/homeboy/brother's birthday- Happy Birthday Tisoy!!!

It was an awesome and much needed weekend. =)
How was your Halloween?

Snow White, Belle, "Shower", Jasmine, Red Riding Hood, & Duffman (The Simpsons)

My all-time favorite bartender, Goldie @ Alchemy

I have been detoxing up in the mountains. No alcohol, barely any smoking at all so the weekend really gave my body a start. I can no longer hang and will be the first to admit it. By the second night, i was pretty much wiped out- we couldn't come up with better costumes to top what we had the night before, and there's no way we were gonna do repeats- so we improvised. In other words, we slacked off.
It was fun, nonetheless.

I know some people don't get down with dressing up... but i love Halloween.
Awesome weekend, it was good to see everyone, and refreshing to catch up. Maybe in another month or two... next time though, i'll opt to stay in a bit more. =p