Sunday, March 28, 2010

-Posting shall continue after Holy Week. Internet hiatus in progress (and badly needed)-

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Arbitrary Mind Picks #51

1. I made a pathetic attempt to play Mario World on the internet.
I discovered 2 things:
  • i couldn't suck more even if i tried. I have officially lost it. This game is for children???
  • "dying" still has the power to make my heart jump out of my chest.
2. Going on a serious, week-long, much needed internet hiatus.
Yes, that means:
  • no Facebook
  • no blogs
  • no e-mails
  • no celebrity gossip
Oh, and my phone will be on silent.
(Ok, maybe not. But the idea seems so appealing)

3. Trading in the quiet life and the cold mountain breeze for some chaos and scorching sun. This is what summer is all about.

4. I wonder how long it'll take before i become Dylan-sick...

5. My 3 hour nap yesterday successfully threw my body clock into all kinds of wack.

6. My multi-personalitied self needs to leave "this" girl at home and bring "that" girl out for the weekend. I'm no fun when life gets too serious... and frankly, it bores me to death. Must. Get. Out.

7. I don't remember the last time i've been this excited for a vacation.
I can already smell the sea water and feel the sand between my toes.

I will not miss you.
See you next month.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Freedom of Anonymity

“Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw, I’m scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”
— Dirty Dancing

Somebody tell me where the energy of tiny, little, 5 year old kids are stored?

I spent the day with 15 kindergarten kids. I wasn't even anywhere near as energetic and active as they were, but the second i stepped through my front door, i found my way to my bed and crashed for 3 hours.

Ok, that was a lie. I tried to fight fatigue, actually. I tried not to fall asleep... exhaustion still won.


My 5 year old? He went out for a walk with my mom and my sister. He rode a horse. Walked back home. We went out for dinner. Played with new toys. Now, he's still playing and watching a DVD and singing and dancing with the songs as i prepare the water for his bath.
He's been up since 7am.

I'll bet he snores tonight.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

“If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?"
~ Rumi

Yes, Please.

You get my point.
Another 4am earthquake for Baguio. I don't mind if it stays at its recent magnitude... i just hope all these tremors aren't building up to something huge. *shudder*

Monday, March 22, 2010

"Anything worth it doesn't come easily..."
“The art of living does not consist in preserving and clinging to a particular mood of happiness, but in allowing happiness to change its form without being disappointed by the change, for happiness, like a child, must be allowed to grow up”
— Charles Morgan

Arbitrary Mind Picks #50

1. Contemplating on a serious internet hiatus. I think there's a life out there waiting for me to live it.

2. Chocolate makes me happy. Unfortunately, i recently discovered that too much of it makes me sick.

3. Whoever said that peer pressure ended in high school is a liar. And mind games never end. Never, i tell you.

4. Nothing is ever simple when it involves matters of the heart.

5. Thinking too much is bad for my diet.

6. Shutter Island and Donnie Darko, one after the other, is a terrible combo. Too much crazy for one night, if you ask me.
For once, i appreciated living across a music bar and i curse photographic memory. My mind has once again started playing games with me. No bueno.

7. I love eggplant.

8. I can't watch mp4's or upload photos onto Facebook. Why? Because my laptop is so old that i can't download the programs that are compatible for the thingamabobberwhatchamacallits. Personally, i think that's unfair.

9. Dylan does very good impressions. I'm very impressed.

10. I have a problem. If i was my friend and i asked myself for advice, i'd know exactly what to say. I also know that i wouldn't listen. I wonder what would happen if i did.
Picasso was in a park when a woman approached him and asked him to draw a portrait of her. Picasso agreed and quickly sketches her. After handing the sketch to her, she is pleased with the likeness and asks how much she owed to him.
Picasso replies, "$5,000."
The woman screamed, "But it took you only five minutes!"
"No madam. It took me all my life." Replied Picasso.

Jeg elsker!

*Pencil & Watercolor Drawings by Esra Roise.
“Nothing's ever for sure. That’s the only sure thing I do know.”
— A Beautiful Mind

Monday Morning Blues

It's Monday morning. I'm gonna crawl back into bed and hope i fall asleep. I spent the weekend watching morbid movies. Too morbid that i have nightmares keeping me up at night. I have eye bags. Visible eye bags. I haven't seen those on me in a while.

The week has only just begun... and here i am- i'm already tired.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

"Illusions are to the soul what atmosphere is to the earth. Roll up that tender air and the plant dies, the colour fades. The earth we walk on is a parched cinder. It is marl we tread and fiery cobbles scorch our feet. By the truth we are undone. Life is a dream. ‘Tis waking that kills us. He who robs us of our dreams robs us of our life"
~Virginia Woolf’s Orlando
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before."
-Good Will Hunting

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Arbitrary Mind Picks #49

1. Being sick sucks.

2. I like doing a lot of nothing.

3. Vitamin B to avoid hangovers. Who knew?

4. Me. One word. Versatile.
Multi-personality? I think so.

5. My phone, my clocks, and my laptop are all synchronized- 10 minutes advanced. Oddly enough, it works in keeping me on time.

6. Weekend mornings spent in bed with Dylan sits on top of the list for Best Feelings in The World.

7. My son is a Godsend. I'm still amazed every day.

8. Popcorn is highly addictive. Great invention.

9. I need my movie fix.

10. Sitting in silence, a chilly breeze, & the sun on your face- it does wonders for the soul. Then again, so does lying in bed all day.

11. Sometimes when everything is crystal clear you can still be confused as shit. How ironic.

It's never too late to start.
"People keep asking why all my clocks are 10 minutes's 'cause I'm from the future."

Monday, March 15, 2010

Visions from my Childhood

Arbitrary Mind Picks #48

1. I got in a taxi this afternoon, and to my surprise, the driver was an old, white man. It was such a shock to me that i mumbled the words for my destination. He asked me to clarify- in tagalog. For a second there i thought i was a victim of some prank... i proceeded to act normal. I regret it now, but i really should have asked what that was all about.
This might come across as racist, but i swear i mean it in the nicest way possible- I paid him the exact amount because he didn't seem like he needed the extra change. Is that bad?
Aw man, that was bad, huh?

2. Good food makes me happy.
Chocolate saves lives. You wouldn't believe the amount of people that were spared from complete annihilation due to the calming effects of a certain cake in question.
With that said, PMS is over and the world around me is at peace once again... until next month, anyway.

3. My laptop is filthy.

4. I've been thinking about it and i think i would really enjoy a Vespa.
I'm totally serious.

5. I am not one for drama. I like to hear about it or watch it unravel, but never when it's happening to me. I'm sure a lot of people would agree. Yeah, i'm just not about that. I guess i'm anti-confrontational for a reason.

6. I will be missing Alice in Wonderland in theaters. That's just one of the downsides of living up in the mountains. I've heard mixed reviews but i'd like to be the judge of that myself.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

“So come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned. Just think of happy things, and your heart will fly on wings, forever.”
— Peter Pan

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Well, Aint That A...


Thank God for chocolate. Seriously.
"Insanity is hereditary- you get it from your kids."

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

“Don’t worry, you may think you’ll ”never” get over it but you also thought it would last “forever”.”

Arbitrary Mind Picks #47

1. People need to NOT piss me off when it's that time of the month.
You don't want to find out.
Let's just say it's not pretty.

2. I love the cool weather up here while people are frying in the city... but dude, i need some sun and sand. Bad. Summer is calling my name.

3. I hate how processed meat (read: bacon) tastes good and it's so easy to prepare. With that said- my diet just went to hell.

4. How the apartment can turn into a post-tornado site faster than i can clean it up baffles me. Oh wait, no. That's right. I live with a 5 year old.

5. On a lighter note: i drink more water than i do coffee now.
(of course, that has nothing to do with being sick nor does it have anything to do with having no coffee readily available and my being too lazy to run out and grab some)

6. Wow. This is some PMS. I think i'll go on hiatus until this passes.
Yes, PMS is a valid excuse. Unless you get it, you have no say. I have over half of the world's population backing me up on this. So there.

Monday, March 8, 2010

A day like today

38.6 fever + hyper 5 year old = complete exhaustion.

This is what it means to be a mom. A single mom. Days like this i wish i had that someone to substitute for me and take care of me for a change.

Dylan started freaking out because i wouldn't stop shivering and i wouldn't come out from under the covers. How do you nicely tell a 5 year old that this is just a fever, i'm gonna be ok, but please just leave me alone. How do you expect a 5 year old to prepare their own meals because you can't get out of bed?

Well, you don't.
You get out from under the covers and soothe him until he's ok while you try not to shake uncontrollably. You try your hardest to look like everything is fine because he's gonna start to panic. I told him i was sick- he thought it was his fault.
You drag yourself out of bed and prepare a meal because he's hungry and a kid can't just live off ice cream and chips. So you ignore the chills and the aching joints and the thumping headache and you stand there and mince, and fry, and stir.

He says, "Thank you Mom, i love you." and i feel like my duty is done, it was worth it and now i have to crawl back into bed. The body aches continue, i can't breath through my nose, my head is pounding, and it's effin freezing. But i'm sweating so i must be really sick. I doze off again.

I have to give him a bath. Clean the kitchen. Clear the dining table. Screw the toys. I'll fix em tomorrow.

Well, now i have to read to him before bed.
I hope i'm okay enough to take him to school tomorrow.

I wish i had a sub.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


1. The water delivery service (the only one that manages to pick up their phone or deliver water EVER out of 5 million other numbers) has been banned from the compound. They're not even allowed near the gate. Well, what are the chances of that?

2. ALL of the delivery numbers found online for fast food in my area are WRONG. We attempted to call every single number, changed from Volante, to KFC, to Shakey's... to no avail. Even the yellow pages had non-working numbers. Their hotlines in Manila had non-working numbers or they didn't know the number to the Baguio branch.
3 HOURS we were on the hunt... i ended up making fried rice and bacon.


Water and food.
I give up.
We are in dire need of a good directory. (I'm looking at you, Dad)
We just need numbers that work. And people who want their business to prosper should really advertise accordingly. Seriously. It's not hard.

Over and out.
Happy Sunday to all.

Venting done.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Shame On Me

I am considering jumping on the Twitter bandwagon just so i can follow Conan O'Brien.
The contemplation continues...

(Or i could just check his page every now and then. That works too.)

Don't you just love this stalker-friendly generation?
Everybody all up in your bees knees.

I wanna slap myself on the back of the head for even thinking about this...

Friday, March 5, 2010

Kill The Craving

That's my ice cream. It never fails to make me happy.
You know you want one.

Arbitrary Mind Picks #46

1. The problem with condo-living is when i can smell what my neigbors are cooking... and i want some of whatever they're having but i don't know what it is. I'm not crazy enough to knock on their doors though... lol

2. "Mom... my other fish is dead."
Sure enough, one of them is floating lifeless in the tiny bowl. They were fine when i checked 2 hours prior. Here i was worrying about how Dylan will find out i had replaced them if they ever died... it never occurred to me that he might be the one to discover them dead.

3. I must remind myself that he's 5.
So when he says, "She wanted to look at my balls..."
He really means... well, she wants to look at balls. haha

Dylan: She wanted to see my balls. She lifted my shirt so she could see my balls.
Me: Excuse me?
Dylan: I showed her my balls. Under my shirt.
Me: You showed it to her??? What??
Dylan: Yeah. She liked it.
Me: You showed her your balls? Like in your shorts?
Dylan: No. My shirt.
Me: What?
Dylan: My balls. Under my red shirt. She likes them a lot.
(At this point i'm thinking "shirt". Ok, shirt.)
Dylan: She was trying to look under my shirt. She tried to take it off.
(It hits me. It freakin' hits me.
He ran out of plain, white undershirts. I had him wear a tshirt with a picture of squid balls on it. He was talking about the squid balls)
Me: Oh, what color were the balls?
Dylan: WHITE!!!
Me: She liked em?
Dylan: YEAH!!!
(i laugh at myself. I laugh at my retarded, ridiculous self.)

4. I always knew i was good at multitasking.

5. Blackouts are great for kids.
It's also a great reminder that being outdoors when the weather is perfect is just what you're supposed to do when the weather is perfect.

6. A butterfly landed on Dylan's doughnut the other day. It chilled there for a bit until Dylan shooed him away. I regret not bringing the camera.
“It is better to lose a lover than to love a loser.”
— Unknown

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Their Loss

“Behind every beautiful girl there’s a dumb ass guy who did her wrong and made her strong.” — Unknown

The very first time i had my heart broken, i was destroyed. At that time, i thought i was beyond repair. Heart break always feels like that. But it was the first time i let my guard down. The very first time i let someone in. And as i discovered, it was the first time someone would let me down. I never want to feel that way again.

I remember it vaguely- it took me 8 months and a bit to get over it. The let down was quick and abrupt. Actually, he disappeared off the face of the earth without my knowing it- no warning, no words, no nothing. The pain consumed me like i have never experienced before. The whole time i was wondering about what i did wrong, where did i mess up, how did i not see it coming, maybe if i had done some things differently- you name it, i thought it. I had covered all the bases. I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. I did the only thing i could do- i let it go. Slowly, but surely, i moved on.

Without knowing it, this relationship stood as the basis of all relationships to come. Had it not happened, a lot of things in my life would have undoubtedly played out differently. This was the event that set my standards. It showed me the difference between what i could and could not tolerate. I knew, from that day on, that i would never ever be treated like shit again. Not ever.

And so it was.
I knew that i had given it everything i had. It's always been that way and that didn't change. I just figured that it would never fail because of my shortcomings. If it didn't work out, it was probably for the best. You don't ever force these things. They either work or they don't. With a clear understanding of what it was that i wanted and without expecting anything in return, my delusional vision of love was to find someone who appreciated my 110% and effortlessly showed me the same.

One after the other, i was dropped like hot coal. There was always someone better or somewhere better to be. It took a whole lot of bitter to appreciate the sweet. It wasn't until later in life that i figured (and was grateful) that what they had to offer was never what i wanted. I would have settled. I would have sold myself short. They didn't deserve me and i was worth way more than they figured.

Creating a facade of a happy relationship can be tiring if it's not really there. Trying to keep up with each others pace, putting up with the irritating quirks, pretending to like something when you honestly just hate it, and the plasticity. Oh, the plasticity. Trying to keep each other happy when you're the inconvenience just sounds like such a chore. Why would you ever subject yourself to that type of stress?

Every failed relationship and the heartbreak we endure is only one step closer to the right person you're supposed to be with. Love is like this made-up fairytale where people settle because of certain things- not giving up hope on a person, staying together for the kids, being the hero, not wanting to hurt the other person, etc. and whatever. Get over it. You will end up as nobody's hero and you shouldn't be doing this for anyone else but yourself. Anything else will only end up in disaster. Besides, if you don't put value upon yourself, you really expect other people to do it?

Things don't work out for a reason. It may look like shit at the moment... but years from now (or perhaps even sooner) it will dawn on you and hit you right smack between the eyes that it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to you. It opened doors for so many things you never thought possible and without even knowing it got rid of excess baggage you weren't even aware of.

It's only the end of the world if you make it to be.
If you gave it everything you got- then hey... it's their loss.

Arbitrary Mind Picks #45

1. Another tiny earthquake this morning. A little shake sure knows how to make a girl cry. All this talk about the "End of the World" is making me nervous. To think i cried as a kid about the ocean being polluted... Dylan can panic about the world dying.

2. I need to figure out if this coffee hype is really just psychological. I'm going over 6 cups a day and it's not like i don't get enough sleep...

3. “When you have to make a choice and you don’t make it, that itself is a choice.”

4. Finished all the purchased DVDs. Highly disappointing.

5. Just when i decided that going out drinking is only for celebrating birthdays- i'm invited to 3 birthday parties this weekend. =/ I'm so scared. lol

6. I've been told many times that i appear to have an "old soul". People seem to think i have the answer to problems... it made me stop to think whether or not i felt that way about the situations i get myself into.

7. I spoke to my 2 year old Godson on Skype today. I can't believe i missed his entire babyhood and that this kid is now talking. He's one adorable little man. I want him to hang out with Dylan. They can spread love and good cheer all over the place. haha

8. I saw a very well-dressed old lady in school yesterday. It makes you wonder about the things people go through to end up the way they do... and even though they act so proper, you know they have one heck of a story simmering within them.

9. I'm still volunteering too much in school. *nyerk*

10. Children's fascination with Thomas the Tank Engine continues to baffle me...

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."
- Epicurus

Monday, March 1, 2010

"A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure."