Friday, July 30, 2010

"In another life you might have been a genius. In another life you might have been a star. In another life your face might've been perfect. In another life you'd drive a better car. In another life all your jokes are funny. In another life your heart is free from fear. In another life you make a lot of money. In this other life everything is clear. In another life you're always the hero. In another life you always win the game. In another life no one ever cheats you. In another life you never have to change. In another life your friends never desert you. In another life you never have to cry. In another life no one ever hurts you. In another life your loved ones never die. But this is the life you have. This is the life. In another life you're always the victim. In another life you're always the thief. In another life you are always lonely. In this other life there is no relief. In your real life treat it like it's special. In your real life try to be more kind. In your real life think of those that love you. In your real life try to be less blind. This is the life you have."
-Living Colour

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Want To Play Like I Used To

As you may or may not have noticed, i've been on quite the Art tip lately.
I'm itching to do something creative, yearning for a spontaneous idea and then diving right into it. Specifically, i'd like to do something with paint, pencil, pen, and paper. Not necessarily in that order, but anything of the sort will do.

I used to draw a lot. I used to paint. Somewhere down the line, i lost the drive for it. I'm guessing it was somewhere between binge drinking and being consumed by music.

I had an awesome art teacher in high school. That shouldn't be shocking considering that Baguio is filled with artists of every kind. She was encouraging and critical and specific and honest. I felt like a true artist in her presence. I always looked forward to attending her class. When i left for Manila and enrolled in my new school, i signed up for Higher IB Art for my junior year of high school- that's the highest level of Art you could possibly sign up for. In a class of 300 you'd expect a few artists would be present, of course. It's a given. I was in a class of 12, i think. A class of 12 filled with potential Picassos, Michelangelos and Van Goghs. The pressure to come up with something up to par with my peers was daunting... for the most part, i drew stick figures and dubbed my work as "tribal". I was a fan of collages and splashes of paint- interpretive art. Needless to say, my self esteem got the better of me and i gave up on visual art altogether. I became more of an appreciator rather than a creator.

I would doodle here and there. I've done a few sketches since high school. Nothing i deem fantabulous or anything, but something i could definitely work with.

So here i am, 11 years later.
I have an idea and i think i'll dive right into it.
My walls could use the color.
Dj nomi-S
by Marcus Tremonto

by James Roper

"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got."

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I think it's absolutely crazy that i need a 2 hour head start/given procrastination time til i start to do what i'm actually supposed to do.

Amazing, really.

I was supposed to do something 2 hours ago and now i don't even remember what it was.
I swear, i'm not on drugs.

Why is it every little girl's favorite fantasy?

"Be mine forever and then pick up after me when we get home, bear me 5 kids and raise em, cook me 3 meals a day (make sure they're warm), wash and press my clothes, oh, what the heck. I really meant- be my slave forever..."

Did that just ruin the photo?
Yeah, sorry about that.
I love weddings. Honest, i really do.

I just wanna know... what made it so damn important for all of us?

Arbitrary Mind Picks #72

1. Rain, rain, go away. I can't afford to be lazy another single day...

2. Courtesy of OMGFacts: In Israel, "The Hangover" is called "Stopping In Vegas On The Way To A Wedding".
Jokes, i tell you. Jokes. haha

3. "Don't knock it 'til you try it" is a hard lesson learned. It only leads me to swallowing my own words later on. From now on, my assumptions will be kept to myself.
With that said, i'm totally okay with an iPhone. Fine, more than ok with it, actually.
Blackberry wha? haha

4. Dylan will be in school from 7:45am-2:45pm. That's a lot of alone time to get things done. Definitely gonna get back on the painting tip. Among a ton of other things, of course.

5. Breakfast food is perfectly good dinner food.
And coffee is great no matter what time it is.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Look at the Time

Pavel Sidorenko Design Wall Clock.
I want one.

A Year Ago, Today

July 2009.
Visiting his new school.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Letters can do wonders.
Write one today.
"It was easier to stay up all night than to wake up early..."

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Arbitrary Mind Picks #71

1. I got home at 1:30am after a night out last night.
The shocker: i thought it was 4am. Did i really just tap out before 2am?

2. I thoroughly enjoy car rides on the way home during the wee hours of the morning, windows down, cold air in my face, thinking about god-knows-what. LOVE.

3. I am all for staying in pj's all day.

4. My word of the day: FUBAR!

fubar |ˈfoōˌbär|
out of working order; seriously, perhaps irreparably, damaged : the clock in the hall is fubar.
ORIGIN 1940s: acronym from fucked up beyond all recognition (or repair).

Awesome word. I'll be using that a lot.

5. I am not a leftovers kind of person. And now that i cook all my meals, nothing irks me more than less than a handful of leftovers. Like, what do i do with that? It's too little for another meal... but it's too much to just throw away.
And do i really wanna eat the same thing again sometime soon (well, before it spoils, anyway)? Not really. There are only a few things i'd be willing to eat over and over again. Two things, actually- my mom's lasagna, and a good steak (with veggies and mashed potatoes). That's it. If i do eat the same thing within tight proximity of each other, there's a reason- i'm lazy and hungry, or there's absolutely nothing else to eat and i can't make up my mind.
I am not a fan of leftovers.

6. School year starts the Thursday after this coming Thursday.
Where the flying f**k did the vacation go?!?

7. I bought a huge tin can of cookies for Dylan... i have eaten more of it than Dylan has.
No bueno.
I knew that was gonna happen.

8. It's time to start getting this body clock of ours back into "normal people" mode.
I have to... but seriously, i function best in the hours between midnight and 6am. That would be normal-people-mode... for people on the other side of the planet.

9. Does anybody else clean up around the house before the cleaning lady comes in to... well, clean your house?
I know i'm not the only person in the world who does that.
In my defense, i do it because: (a) i like organizing my things so i know where they are and i don't have to ask other people for it, and (b) i don't want her to think i'm a total slob.
That's rational, right?

10. I have survived 10 months without a microwave.
Does that make me primitive?
I'm on my bed watching When Harry Met Sally on my laptop.
Dylan runs past me towards my bathroom. He obviously needs to pee. Real bad, actually.

I'm on the New Year's scene where Harry runs into Sally at the party and they're talking.
Sally says, "You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you, and I hate you, Harry. I really hate you. I hate you."

Dylan comes out of the bathroom, looks at the screen, and says, "Wow. She really hates him."
He runs off to play again.

Kids pay attention to EVERYTHING.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Arbitrary Mind Picks #70

1. Inception.

2. The whole family is nesting in my apartment. It's great having everyone together.
My fam is awesome.

3. I only like orange juice if it has pulp.
I like drinking out of actual glasses as opposed to plastic cups. Yes, it JUST dawned on me.

4. Homemade pasta is the best kind of pasta.

5. I have writer's block because i discovered that there are too many people reading into my thoughts. More than i'd like, actually. Yeah, strange.

Over and out.

I Believe

Saturday, July 17, 2010

So sick.

illustrations by: Andrea Joseph

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Caution: Writer's Block?

"We find new ways to reward mediocrity everyday"
-Mr. Incredible, The Incredibles

I started this blog in 2004. It was my outlet. It was a way for me to express myself and, in a world where everyone is pretending to be the cooler version of themselves, it was a place for me to stay true. I have always said that no matter what, the most important thing i ever owed myself was the ability to keep it real.

Lately, i have been hiding behind quotes and photos. Photos that i hoped would translate a bit of what i am or quotes that i could somehow relate to at a particular moment in time. There's nothing like words you didn't write but only relate to that seems like a cool cop-out to what you're actually trying to say.

There's nothing about anything that i have currently posted that isn't me, of course. It stays true to me in a sense that these are still my certain likes, pet peeves, and thoughts that run through my head on the daily. But what i've realized, and to my dismay, is that i have lost my sense of depth and have grown reluctant to sharing certain aspects of my life. My opinions have been suppressed with the fear of being judged. I'm too much of an open-minded person that there's no way i can express myself without being disputed. I'm too much of anti-confrontational person that i would rather that day never come.

I therefore blame my writer's block on one simple trait: self-consciousness.

Everybody wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be "known". But the truth is, nobody wants the real them to be known. It's always the better version of themselves that they prefer to shine (duh). The ugliness of everyday life is swept under the living room rug and in a life they have created for the public to know- there is no such ugliness.

The struggling mother says her kids are the best thing that ever happened to her.
The starving dancer says following her passion is the best part of her life.
The lonely super model says that being surrounded by so many people all the time makes her feel loved.
The overly intelligent guy says he's fine in his own little world of a bubble because being unique is his gift- he can hold stimulating conversations with himself. He's that smart.
The rich kid says that money can buy him everything.
The poor street child says that at least she has her family.

Everyone tackles the same issues. Be it loneliness, anger, boredom, frustration- any negative human emotion is experienced by any human being. So why is it so hard to admit?
I applaud those who have zero qualms about openly exploring their downfalls and shortcomings. It's a brave thing to do considering that the standards for perfection in this highly imperfect world is at an all time high.
You think anyone on Facebook or Twitter is keeping it real? Yeah, think again. It's the only place where people will befriend long lost enemies and exes with the intention of pissing em off... in a very non-personal way, of course.

In an effort to be perfectly acceptable, i have tarnished my own version of perfection and just ended up being like everyone else. Ironically, which is what i was trying to avoid in the first place. My page all of a sudden looks like every other blog i run into everyday compiled by every other Tom, Dick, and Nancy. Since when did i ever belong to the mainstream category?

Losing the direction of my writing, i can't help but feel as if i've lost my own sense of direction. I'm not trying to impress anybody. I'm certainly not trying to portray my life as perfect. I'm just being a serious closet-case putting people at bay lest they figure out the mystery i try so hard to keep concealed. You see, i don't like people in my head. I don't care what other people think. However, there are times I just really need to let it all out.

I'm revitalized.
I just needed to be told.
I'm not like everybody else.

Helen: "Everyone's special, Dash..."
Dash: "Which is another way of saying no one is."

Saturday, July 10, 2010

So. Effin. Fresh.

July '09
Just for fun.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Hello Late 20's

An unforgettable night i will never remember.
"You may think I’m small, but I have a universe inside my mind."
~Yoko Ono
Woodstock, 1969