Monday, May 30, 2011

Arbitrary Mind Picks #91

1. The internet is a disastrous distraction from getting $#!+ done.

2. PMS- 1 | Me- 0

3. I thought i missed High School. After seeing 300 high school kids make morons out of themselves last night- i don't miss it too much. I am now quite content with turning 28 in 5 weeks.

4. High School Graduates + Open Bar = A Club That Reeks of Vomit. *gag*
(I obviously did a high school gig last night. Duhr)

5. My creative juices flow past midnight. Always have. Probably always will.
(Probably why coffee is my best friend.)

6. Totally amped for the Vans x Hellz Bellz launch... but brainstorming for this mixtape will be the end of me.
(PMS picked the wrong week to show up)

7. The cure for hormonal outrage is feel-good music.
(i.e.- Acid Raindrops- P.U.T.S.)

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I Believe.

I've found myself in a rut. I've been told that most people who become successful usually go through these so-called "rock bottoms". I say this a lot- but it's gotta be cliche for a reason.

I've made some pretty big, life changing decisions lately. In all honesty, i have no idea what i'm doing and how to pull all of this off... all i know is that i want to do this and i've never wanted anything so damn bad. I believe that wanting something bad enough has to be a good start- no matter how nerve-racking or migraine-heavy the task at hand, also known as "obstacle", that is put in front of your face is.

A belief in something has to stand for something great. I now have a clearer understanding of how hope plays such a huge roll in the lives of millions and millions of people. We all know this shit is far from easy... but we do it, blindly, hoping that the effort, hard work, blood and tears will all be worth it in the end.

I notice as the days go by that tiny little messages are hidden underneath the grains of salt rubbed into my wounds. There are lessons to be learned and truth to be unveiled. No matter how painful and frustrating- you realize these things, accept them, learn them well, and move on. I am at that point in my life where my tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time low. Get to the point or get out of my face. I'm not playing games anymore. This is the real deal and i mean business.

It's harder to trudge through life realizing the ugly truth left and right. It would be a lot easier to be completely oblivious and ignorant. Keeping it simple is in a way synonymous to keeping your mind closed. The more aware you are of everything that surrounds you, how it affects you, what you want, who you are, and what really matters, the more complicated everything seems to get. How much easier it would be if your main goal in life was to simply be. But that just isn't the case because we're designed to always want more, to strive for better things, and to satisfy one's cravings.

Someone once told me i was aiming too high. To accomplish so much in a short amount of time and dream of "unrealistic" goals. I didn't really know how to take that... since this was a conversation between friends and i take criticism quite well. But it left a bad taste in my mouth, one that i didn't care to have... and it caused me to re-think.

I have butterflies in my stomach every day. A heaving pound in my chest. A migraine that spontaneously manifests at random times of the day. I'm scared half to death and sometimes i just need to shake myself back to normalcy and calm the fuck down. In turn, however, this feeling keeps me motivated to get things done, do better than what i expect from myself, get down with the nitty gritty and hustle.

I wouldn't have decided to chase after my dream if i didn't think they were possible. I didn't drop a good life back home to live miserably in a city of shattered hope.
No. I believe i can do this. I believe in my purpose.

I left 2 years ago believing that my purpose had been served and that something new was waiting for me. I wanted to concentrate on being a mother and concentrate on that alone. Lesson learned: I am not made for domestication and that my entirety is not based on just one thing. I have to do something for myself and be happy in order to be fulfilled- as my own single entity and as Dylan's mom. It didn't occur to me beforehand that parenting and my "dream" job could live harmoniously together. It was either be good at one or the other. Never at both.
I was wrong.
I could never be a happy mom without doing something for myself, and i could never be satisfied with work if i knew i was doing my son wrong.
This will have to work and thus, i will make it.

You know that feeling you get when you're asked to perform in front of the whole school? Your parents are watching, the bullies might make fun of you, you only rehearsed like... yesterday? And your whole class is depending on you to tackle this with perfection?
Pre-performance jitters.
That's what this feels like.
Except this is real life and if i fail, i end up homeless with nothing to eat and i run back to my dad and ask him to save me.
I'm just saying.

Let's do this.

-venting over-

Hellz x Vans pt. 2

Remember when i used to post about "The Hadley" nonstop? Admiring a Hellz x Vans collabo from across the seas and solely through the net? And then i got em... and i was hella happy and i for sure thought it couldn't get any better than that.

Well, it just did.

My girl Jena and i have been granted the privilege of DJing at the Hellz x Vans Launch at the Vans store in Glorietta 3 this coming June 15 from 4-8pm.

The word "stoked" doesn't even begin to cover it.
Working on the one hour mixtape at this very moment- to be posted as soon as it's done, of course.

Two of my favorite brands teamed up for an awesome line??!?! Hellz Fuckin' Yeah.

I leave you now with a video which is pretty much self-explanatory.
I really do love that shoe.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Almost like the weather knew how i was feeling inside and decided to interpret it... #typhoon

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Tag Team Back Again

First Female HipHop Duo in Asia back together again!
You won't want to miss this...

Don't Make Me Regret This...

i want one.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.”
— Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams)

Word To The Big Bird.

"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
~ Lane Olinghouse

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Arbitrary Mind Picks #90

1. I dropped my laptop earlier. I hate that feeling.
There is a dent... and it's irritating the b'jeezus outta me.

2. I'm going to miss the weather up here.

3. Hunting for a school is a bitch when you actually give a f*ck.

4. My body clock is back to normal... too bad i'm leaving for MLA again tomorrow. Nyerk.

5. I figured that i hide under hats because... well, simply put- i hate my hair.

6. The decision is final- i'm moving back to the big bad shitty city.
Explanation to follow.
Yes, i'm fickle.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I dig him. Like, a lot.

I couldn't have said it better myself.
Some people just really know how to dig in there and get on my effin nerves.
Congratulations- i abhor you more than ever.
Grow the *see photo* up.

This Is Real?


I hate to do it...

"...the importance of perseverance, that in the face of true love you don't just give up- even if the object of your affection is begging you to."
-Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl

True or False?
[Yes, i quoted Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl. Get over it]

Monday, May 9, 2011

I'm A Big Boy Now

We're all seated at the dinner table. It's raining pretty hard for the first time in months. We can hear the rain make contact with the tin roof, the rustling of leaves, howling wind, and gushing rain water in the gutters.

"Do you hear that?", Dylan asks. "It's the wind... it's talking to me."
We humor him, as we would any child, "Oh yeah? What's it saying?"
He then looks at us arrogantly and condescendingly- "I don't know. I don't speak wind."
He turns back to his plate and continues on with his meal.

With that, we all pretty much just shut the f*ck up because the kid is right... he totally doesn't speak wind and neither do we.
You just can't treat em like kids anymore.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

My Turn

I've been called many things in my lifetime, but my favorite will always be "Mommy".

4 kids and 29 years.
1 grandkid.
7 households.
Approximately 31,755 meals prepared and God knows how many loads of laundry.
5am mornings, sleepless nights, dealing with tantrums, cleaning up mess, yelling at the kids, wrapping presents, baking goods, obliging to requests, dealing with bad news, celebrating with good news, sacrificing your wants and needs, giving up your personal time, seeing the kids fight, watching them get along, tolerating attitude & watching them grow up.
10,585 days of motherhood.
- I applaud you.

I heart you, Mom.
I know it wasn't easy... but you've done swell. =)

Saturday, May 7, 2011

With A Vengeance

Photograph by: Reena Rae
Hair by: Tiff Alejandro
Makeup by: Krystle Dizon
Moral Support by: Jena Daza
Babysitter: Alexa Salmeron

Inspiration: Hip Hop

"When you follow your bliss…doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn’t be a door for anyone else."
~Joseph Campbell
"Life comes in clusters; clusters of solitude, then clusters when there is hardly time to breathe."
~May Sarton

Point Me In The Right Direction

Arbitrary Mind Picks #89

1. My sleeping pattern is out of all kinds of wackadoodle, once again. Thank you, Manila.

2. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world.

3. I think the best way to teach your kids to "reach for the stars and chase your dream" is to lead by example. I've thought about this for a while... and i'm completely sold on this idea.

4. You are your own worst critic. Learning how to control your emotions is key to survival. A sound mind and a good heart will take you places. Passion is a very powerful driving force.
Can i get an amen?

5. It takes me about a month of working out and dieting to get "into shape"... and 2 days of my mother's cooking to put all that work to shame. SMH

6. I envy a carefree life without responsibilities... yet at the same time i pity it.

7. I have just discovered that i am waaaaaaay too empathetic. I have not decided if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet.

8. I do not deal well with loss... even if the loss has absolutely nothing to do with me.
I ran into a friend whose twin brother just passed away... i started to bawl the instant he made eye contact with me. Best believe that happened with all the energy i could muster up to prevent myself from shedding a tear. Fail.

9. Bad movies piss me off. No, like seriously- it makes me angry.
I just watched The Eagle with that Channing Tatum guy... and seriously, i half expected him to just bust out dancing and talk in slang. Typecasting is a bitch.

10. Dear Mom & Dad... i want to move back to Manila. Correction- i'm moving back to Manila.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

7 Years of Wonder

To a day filled with cake, ice cream, balloons, and transformers- Happy Birthday my darling.
Mommy loves you.