M.I.A.

I have approximately 5 hours left to pack and clean up around the house. Why i'm writing about it instead of actually doing it is part of my procrastination process. I'd be surprised at myself if i actually got home and immediately got to work- some people would call that responsibility, i call it dedication.

I finished Day 14 of Training today and i couldn't be happier. I feel my diet... umm... becoming a thing of the past but i'm hoping my will power and determination will kick in after my fitting on Monday.

I'm expecting the next week to be completely bananas. I can't believe my best friend is getting married!

So this is my farewell for now. I will be back on here as soon as i recover from Manila Madness. So i'm guessing that'll be somewhere around mid-Feb.

Looking forward to the delirium and the adventures that await me.
Baguio, you will be missed. I will return to you in 1.5 weeks.
With that, i bid thee adieu.
*curtsy*

❝ It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart. ❞
- Suzanne Collins

Check Your Vices

Cheap Thrill

My favorite DJ added me on Facebook. =p heehee

Arbitrary Mind Picks #86

1. "Grenade" by Bruno Mars.
In one word? Psychotic.
If anyone ever dedicated that song to me, i'd avoid him/her like the plague. Freak.
AND they have an electro/dance version??! Somebody shoot me. Now.

2. No pain, no gain.
I may not look like a Victoria's Secret model, but shit- training is doing wonders.
I should get my trainer something... like bottles of alcohol so he'll be too hungover to show up to work on Monday. lol
(Yeah, right. Like that would work)

3. I got mail today.
All i can say is-
BOOYAH! IN YOUR FACE, EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM! IN YOUR EFFIN FACE!
*breath* *happy dance* *thumbs up*
It is strongly recommended that Dylan continue on the regular-class program.
STFU to the system that has been harassing me for months insisting that they couldn't teach a single kid properly in a class of 14 and that HE was the problem.
What's up now, suckerrrrrz?
I should seriously get a mother-effin refund.

4. I love the happy dance!

5. Eating something healthy doesn't make up for that unhealthy thing you ate earlier. That's just the truth. Sadly.

Word.

"That’s the problem with drinking. If something bad happens, you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen. "
- Charles Bukowski

Learn to appreciate the time you spend alone... you'll thank yourself later and realize that it's worth it.

Breath and SIgh

Hot showers
Comforting phone calls
Perfect homework
Angry cardio
Emotional music
1000 sit-ups done
Cold beer
A well-deserved cigarette
A glass of water
"I love you..."
Random girlfriend texts
"Like" on Facebook
Down comforters
Long ride home, windows down, music from my headphones, a chilly breeze...
Credit on my credit card
Will power
High Fives
A porterhouse steak... with gravy
Private messages
A working pen in a sea of non-working pens
A fresh pot of brewed coffee
Hazelnut creamer
A clean house
Memory foam
Hip Hop

Ladies and gents- a day in the life.
Good night.

And as i go to sleep tonight, i think about how simple my life has become yet how complicated it remains. I think of you, and you, and you. Of you and i. Him and me. I think of her. I think of them. I think of that time way back when. I think of the happy and the scary and of the sad. I think of the days that had just passed. I imagine what lies ahead...

I'm exhausted yet i can't sleep.
Day by day, i tell myself. I'll take it as it comes day by day by day.

"It’s lovely to know that the world can’t interfere with the inside of your head."

- Angela’s Ashes, Frank McCourt

Arbitrary Mind Picks #85

1. I completely forgot that my face turns bright red when i sweat like a horse. The last time i saw myself like this was about a decade ago- for high school varsity basketball practice.

2. Dylan lost his second tooth the other day. I prepared the video camera this time... and to my great disappointment, his reaction was nowhere near his first experience with the tooth fairy. *sniff sniff*

3. I'm so NOT a Gemini. (WTF)

4. So... my no-drinking-beer diet went to $#!+ this weekend.
But man, was it worth it...

5. Training Day 6 tomorrow. I'm scared and excited at the same time. Seeing the results though- awesome! Good to know that hard work pays off.

6. I don't understand women who insist on chatting while getting a massage. I just don't get it.

7. Running into good, old friends- awesome!
Making new friends via old friends- awesome!
Bringing people together even after death is impressive.
Completely made me think. 33

8. They say a hierarchy in a group of friends is childish. I think it's fair to say that sometimes it makes sense.

9. I have found my 100% success rate, full proof, sure shot, food recommendation in Baguio. I knew it from the second that dish made my palette dance.
Ladies and gents- Beef Salpicao at Dugout on Leonard Wood.
Trust.

10. I could totally go for a steak right now.

Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else.

~Judy Garland

Where Good Guys Finish First

"Prices subject to change according to customers attitude"

*O' Mai Khan, Baguio City
Mongolian Restaurant

This Is Serious Business

Turnip. Carrots. Celery.

Dinner is served.
Yum.

Street Art

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

Nothing wakes up the mind like devastating news. It makes people think, and feel, and react, and wonder. There are days when you feel like you've grown up so much that you can tackle pretty much anything... and then you're stumped with questions and you realize you don't know all that much after all. The things we do everyday are tied to so much emotion. Some things are easier to execute than others. There are times when we don't even stop to think about stuff that need to be done... and others... well, you'd rather sleep it off or drink it away to pass time instead of rack your brain about it.

I am no stranger to devastation. I have had my fair share of nightmares. I have shed tears and lived enough days i had rather slept right through. You think you'd know how to handle such an emotion.

But i don't.
And for the first time in a long time... i don't know what to do.

I've always thought about getting a tat.
Will i ever do it?

Perhaps.

Arbitrary Mind Picks #84

1. Oatmeal can taste like sansrival... if i wanted it to.

2. All i know is that in 25 days i will be eating anything fried in sight, at least 3 cups of rice in one sitting, a pizza- all to myself, a giant banana split, a tub of chocolate cake... oh, who am i kidding- this list could go on forever.

3. We are too dependent on modern technology.
Our internet was out for 2 days... i wanted to listen to the radio... it dawned on me that i didn't own one.

4. I love how kids think that band-aids make everything better.

5. The days sure go by faster the more productive you are. There's gotta be something to this "early to bed, early to rise" business.

Training Day

My. Aching. Body.

All this just to fit into a bridesmaid's dress.
In terms of fitness, i haven't done anything close to the kind of turmoil i have gone through in the past 2 days. It's always the "getting started" part that stumps people. Well, i got off my ass and finally got started. To be honest with you, i couldn't be happier- but a little disappointed that i couldn't get myself to start earlier.
*tsk tsk* like foreals.

I know now why people who are serious about training NEED a personal trainer... well, hell, because if i didn't have anyone watching me- i would be cutting minutes and reps like they were hazardous to my health. I'm all for cheating (believe me, i'm the master)... given i was doing this for no particular reason, anyway. But for someone on a deadline and a set goal- there is just no room for shortcuts.

24 Days til final weigh-in.
Boo-yah!

[PS: Funny how i ran for 45 minutes and lifted at least 20 pounds worth of weights repeatedly earlier... and now i can barely make it from my dining room to the kitchen while carrying a saucepan with 2 cups of water in it... odd.]

People say, “You don’t know what you got until it’s gone”. The truth is- you knew exactly what you had. You just thought you’d never lose it.

Back To School Blues

How do you tell a 6 year old who has so much fun on his own that it's time to quit it and shove him back into society?
With great difficulty. That's how.

Word.

~unknown

Arbitrary Mind Picks #83

1. 6am mornings, once again, bright and... wait, no- dark and early tomorrow. *sigh*

2. I don't own a weighing scale... but training starts tomorrow and i best be on the tip of my will power if i'm gonna lose 10-15 pounds in 4 weeks! Sound impossible? Well, i can't doubt that now. My secret? Awesome training shoes encourage me to... well, train. haha

3. After living here for over a year and a half now, i'm happy that i still find little things everyday that makes me appreciate and love the fact that i live here. There really is no place like home. Viva la Baguio, folks.

4. Healthy eating doesn't necessarily mean crappy eating.
(This is what i say to make myself feel better...)

5. I used to not have a shoe fetish. And then i developed one. Then i got over it. After a while it reappeared. Soon after it went away again. Now the fetish is back.
I have a feeling this will be a never-ending cycle. Much like how my room stays clean and then it isn't anymore and i don't even know how it happened.

6. I need to clean my room. Oh, what the hell... i need to clean the whole apartment.

Bare

Self Portrait via Photobooth, January 2011

Started the year off with sun & sand.
I'm convinced that Dylan and i will be spending a huge chunk of our lives neighboring the ocean. There's nothing like the sound of crashing waves, the sun in your face, sand between your toes, kickin back with your favorite tunes in the background... and an ice-cold beer.

Better Late Than Never

The holiday season whizzed past me faster than ever. It all feels so surreal now- like a dream i can barely remember.

I was in agony the first 2 weeks having 3 of my 4 wisdom teeth extracted. It was one of the worst experiences of my life... to the point that i compare it to child birth. There is nothing like having someone fiddle around in your mouth while you helplessly sit there listening to cracking teeth (hoping it's not your jaw bone- even though it feels as if it could be) for hours. Absolutely horrific. To add insult to injury, the dentist charged me an arm and a leg. I have never felt so ripped off. AND THEN i find out 3 days later that i lost feeling in the left part of my lower lip. Apparently a nerve was clipped. It's been a month... the feeling has not returned.
Like i said- agony.

The next week and a half after that was spent sleep deprived and nearly always intoxicated.
That's nothing surprising since that's always how my days/nights are spent when i'm "visiting" Manila. But all was well worth it as i got to spend some good time with good friends, eat amazing food, create new memories, get some good earned shopping out of the way, and finally- i got to DJ and it felt better than ever.
Manila- it's always a pleasure.

I get back to Baguio 3 days shy of Christmas Eve. The next week and a half are even more of a blur. One Christmas party after the other was enough to make a week blend into what seemed like hours. It got so bad that i seriously lost track as to what day it was. One drunken night greeted by sunlight- again and again, one after the other.
My liver hates me.

There's something about a year coming to an end that forces you to contemplate about yourself and reflect on your life. I see it in everyone. The notes that they write, the conversations that are brought up, the statuses people post on Facebook. People are/were deliberating.

I met the holiday season with so much anxiety. I was fickle and frustrated and so unsure about so many things in my life. I stopped writing because i couldn't sort out all the emotions that were passing through me. I had no structure. I was yearning for a life that felt like so much more than what i had. I needed to break away from a routine i tired of so quickly and step into a world out of my comfort zone. Or so i thought i needed to. Everything that i had asked for not more than 2 years ago had become bland to me.
Basically, I just couldn't figure it out.

I enter 2011 more content and satisfied than i have ever anticipated. My feet are planted firmly on the ground and my eyes have been opened to certain things that the rebel in me so carelessly looked past. I am thankful and grateful and happy. I have grown enormously in the past year and look out into the world with a sort-of changed, yet clearer vision.

I am in love and devoted to the people who are constantly a part of my life and at the same time thankful to those who have slowly, and voluntarily, moved away from me. I am confident when i say that everything really is just as it should be.

2011 greets me with a strict diet and a grueling work out.
My best friend is getting married in less than 4 weeks.
My son is about to lose another tooth. This time he's asking for 500 Php. Damn my siblings. Damn them to hell.
My significant other and i understand each other more than we ever have. And even though our relationship raises so many questions (and eyebrows), there's something about it that makes it just work.
Broccoli is awesome.
It's cold as hell here.
I think it's obvious that i have nothing more to say.

I'm not diving into this year with as much positivity and enthusiasm as i have in the past few years... HOWEVER, i do meet it with respect and gratitude. I greet it with maturity that tells me i will learn a whole lot more, i will cry a little and curse the gods, i will celebrate triumphs, and perhaps vomit every now and then from letting loose a bit too much. I will make new friends and cross paths with people who have learned not to like me as much as my real friends do. I will put my foot down even more than i did last year. I will stand up for myself and my beliefs more and concede, as i always do, when i know i've made a mistake. I will apologize when i have to and perhaps this will be the year where i will learn to finally control this hot temper of mine. Maybe i'll quit smoking for good, but i figured that won't happen until the day comes where Dylan is granted a sibling. I said "maybe" anyhow. I will take more photos, paint a picture that's been waiting to be created, and become more open minded to "new" music. I will be a shoulder to cry on, i'll give my 2 cents, and somewhere along the way will need someone to do the same for me. I'll try not to eat too much fat, or say i won't but end up eating it anyway. I've already begun to cut down on butter so i guess i'll just continue with that. I will understand more and more what kind of a mother i really want to be. My life will unravel as it should in all its glory and no matter what the universe brings- i will live the shit out of it.

Cheers to love and laughter in 2011.

DECEMBER 2010

• DYLAN lost his first tooth and collected 20Php from the tooth fairy. She's not cheap… that's just all he asked for.
• Pretty and refreshing drinks + girl time + shopping
• Our "Family" Christmas photo
  
• Vans
• I got back into the DJ Booth and loved every beat of it.
• THE Female DJ Duo back together again. (Photo by Barry Ancheta Ambrosio)
  
• My cutie pie of a goddaughter turned 1. Check out the sick quilt- made of her outgrown baby clothes… custom made and sewed with love by the ever so creative Tita Reena.
• Rainbow Cupcakes were a hit at the party!
• Girls to love.
  
• View from my bedroom window. I love that i live here.
  
• We make our own pasta.
• It's that Christmas feeling.
• My dad is Einstein via Skype.
• My flatmates/siblings and i ringing in the New Year
  
• The first sunrise of 2011