Monday, June 11, 2007

iN a NutSheLL

where do i even begin?
i'll start with the gist, shall i?

* My son, Dylan Matthew, just recently turned 3 last month. He has grown so much in the past 2 years, it's hard to grasp at times. A full blown human being. Running, talking, making decisions, being independent, knowing what he wants... incredible. I always thought my parents were insane when they told me that i would never understand "love" like theirs until i had children of my own... but they were so right.
Unconditional love magnified.
He is the most incredible thing in my life right now. He truly makes me proud.
It's been tough... but he makes it all worth it.
I'm not gonna make it seem like rainbows and dandelions... sure, he gives me and my family the occassional headaches... haha! but the guy knows how to make up for it. What can i say? I'll give him that.

* I started working again late last year. DJ Teaze back in full effect. Considering myself lucky to have landed a spot working with people i actually like (and have learned to love. haha)... doing something i actually like to do. The hours are long, the requirements insane, pay could be better... but i'm not one to complain. Millions would gladly fill in my shoes in a heartbeat.
Yes, i like what i do.
So if you have the time... allow me to put this on blast real quick:
UpGraDe @ WaREHouSe 135 every Wednesdays
Candy Fridays @ RoCkCandY every... you guessed it.
Soulistic Saturdays @ Jaipur


we know how to have fun... and it's an important thing, trust me.

* If you ask anyone, i'll be the first to admit it... i've fallen head-over-heels in love. If you revisit my old blog, i write about something i found 2 years ago... in someone i've known for years. As much as we tried to get rid of each other... it just didn't happen. Sticking together through and through... i think i managed to find my soulmate in someone who has been a friend, popping in and out of my life occassionally, in the past 7 years. Incredible.
He has made me happier than i could have ever imagined and i honestly couldn't ask for anyone better. He might not be Mr. Right for everyone... but i'm happy he turned out to be Mr. Right for me. =)

* "Friends come and go... but the memories last forever"
My closest friends are now, officially, scattered all over the globe... and i find myself, yet again, left alone in this jungle we call home.
Canada, London, Australia, Germany, & Guam. We've all come so far.
Starting families, building careers, falling in love... lives that were intertwined at one point, branched out to go on with their own. We don't talk everyday or write each other every week... but i know the love is there.

This has forced me to start branching out, once again, on my own. I've formed bonds with new people... and still meeting new people every week. I went through a certain point in my life where i thought i was content with the people i knew and decided i didn't really have anough confidence in the human race to start making new friends all over again... but hey, nothing bad has come from it. I'm in the clear, so far.
It's also part of work... so i got over my anti-social self and started taking an interest in other peoples' lives once again. It's been fun, it's been interesting... but make no mistake, my walls are higher than ever and thicker than they ever have been. I'm not stupid. I learned the hard way.

Another thing: due to certain events that i experienced in the past, with my best interest in mind, i was forced to drop close relations to a number of people. I'm happy with my decision and wouldn't change it for anything.
"birds of the same feather flock together"
I paid my dues... scared the living shit outta me and i want nothing more to do with it. I have nothing against them. I just prefer to not be associated with certain people because i have more important things to worry about.
You can't blame me, really. I know people have my back on this... and i'm not scared to voice out my opinion. You see it through my eyes and tell me whether or not you would do the same thing. For your sake, i hope you make the right decision.
In fairness, they were good friends and a lot of fun. We just weren't on the same boat in terms of priorities... and i think i'll leave it at that. Great people in their own right... not the flock for me.
I sincerely wish them the best of luck.

In other news...

* I'm reaching a turning point in my life. I have to make decisions real soon and real quick. It's not the kind where i pick on what i'm having for dinner--- more like long term life situation decisions.
It's scaring the crap out of me.
I have never been a fan of change.
Take note: HUGE difference between change and spontaneity.
I like comfort. HUGE difference between comfort and routine.
Don't get it twisted.
I have this love-hate relationship with the motherland. I'll talk smack about it every now and then... yet i find myself getting defensive when someone says something bad about it... even if it happens to be true.
Economy sucks, the environment is only getting worse, the living situation is crap... but there's something about being here that feels so much like "home".
NOt because this is where i grew up... but maybe because it's all i know... and i'm scared to make that first step out of here...
Everyone knows it's better to be anywhere but here (with the exceptions of a few other 3rd world countries). So why is it so damn hard?

* It's all about decisions. Family, Home, Child, Spouse, Friends, Work. The little things that make life what it is... the little things that matter. The little things that actually turn out to be the biggest things.
I've been making progress. In all honesty, life is a lot better right now than it was 2 years ago... kudos to that. =)
Chaos is a part of life... we all have good days, we all have ugly ones.
Decisions will always have to be made... but i've been a procrastinator all my life... i don't think that's gonna change any time soon.

I'll be posting up here as frequent as i can. It helps me motivate and put things into perspective. Comments and criticism are always welcome...

WELCOME TO MY MIND.

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