(If I Should Have a Daughter) by Sarah Kay
If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me
“Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at
least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the
solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the
entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my
hand.”
She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face,
wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But
getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs
how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot
be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that
Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to
wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch
your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain
you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.
And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like
that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can
follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who
lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find
the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change
him.”
But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra
supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no
heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks
chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because
rain will wash away everything if you let it.
I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom
boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on
the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That
there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said”
when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and
bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the
very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your
boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in
disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason
to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way
the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times
it’s sent away.
You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the
“star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines
erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny
place called life.
And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive
but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can
crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste
it.
“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa
is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who
never stops asking for more.”
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and
always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever
apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally
hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand
you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them
that they really ought to meet your mother.
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