DJ Teaze & DJ Jena
For booking and inquiries contact Chris Aldaba.
+63-917-794-8024
chris@steakproductions.com
Photos by Wesley Villarica
Parallax Studios
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Are you ready for this?
Asia's Hottest Female DJ Tandem
DJ Teaze & DJ Jena
For booking and inquiries contact Chris Aldaba.
+63-917-794-8024
chris@steakproductions.com
Photos by Wesley Villarica
Parallax Studios
DJ Teaze & DJ Jena
For booking and inquiries contact Chris Aldaba.
+63-917-794-8024
chris@steakproductions.com
Photos by Wesley Villarica
Parallax Studios
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Negligence & The Queen of Procrastination
Seriously.
I write when i have too many things going through my head.
I write mostly when i'm confused, sad, angry... or bored.
I don't write when i'm happy- i'm too busy enjoying life to take the time to actually put it into writing.
I go through "writer's block" A LOT. I have a lot to say but don't know how to say it.
I think twice about what i put out there... do i really wanna let people into my life like that?
Sometimes, i just don't give a flying f@#%.
I am the Queen of Procrastination. Give me a project and you can bet everything that means anything to you that i won't get to it or start crackin at it til the very last minute (or the last 24, maybe even less, hours). That's how i've always been.
But the perfectionist in me will make sure it is of awesome quality and won't rest til it's to my satisfaction. I lose hair because of these moments.
BUT i get it done on time. =) ha!
I stopped writing on here in the beginning of the year... and look what we have here. I'm back just right before the year ends. Typical.
As any ordinary life goes... it was a roller coaster, as usual.
Very high highs, and some ultimately deep and treacherous lows.
I wish i had those implant video thingies like in that movie The Final Cut with Robin Williams. Either that or Dumbledore's Pensieve Bowl- where he takes out memories and dumps it into a very pretty stone bowl, and whenever he feels like it, he can go back to any memory he has had in his whole entire life. Pretty awesome concept if you ask me.
The year whizzed on by. I remember the days would drag sometimes, but the weeks and months seemed to just fly by like nothing.
Ian came home at the end of March. I met his parents. It didn't go very well (but that's a whole other story). I said goodbye to Ian... and it was seriously one of the hardest things i ever had to do. We've been good though. Keeping in touch every day and catching up whenever we have time. Long distance is a bitch and i seriously don't recommend it to anyone. A lot of people think i'm crazy for even thinking of doing this... but hey, if you think it's worth it, you give it a shot. So far, so good. One year down, 5 more to go. (yeah. haha. Wouldn't you like to know how that fairy tale ends?)
I don't get to see him til later because... i'm from here. Manila. The Philippines. He's over there... The States. Try being me and apply for an American Visa. Ha! Yeah, still trying to work that out...
Dylan is absolutely in love with school and he's having the time of his life. I wish i could be 4 years old again... life was so simple. I can only imagine how huge the world seems to be to him. They grow up way too fast.
Finally, finally, finally did a gig outside the country. Singapore was awesome and we had an incredible party. Jena and i are ecstatic. We're just waiting for even bigger things to hit us. This is gonna be phenomenal.
The food in Singapore was iiiiiiiiiiiin-f*ckin-credible. WOW.
Shanghai on the other hand... maybe i went to all the wrong places... but the shopping was serious business. =) I came home practically in debt.
We're waiting for confirmation dates on Canada, Dubai, Germany, KL, and Australia (maybe). How can i not be psyched about that??? Keeping my fingers crossed that the green passport doesn't fail me.
These are the moments that make me absolutely love my job.
I have days when i feel like there just isn't enough hours in a day... and other days where i feel like the day is just way too long. (That was a lot of"day(s)")
I wish i could write as often as i'd like...
These are one of those days when i have a lot of time on my hands. I'm in"recharge" mode... i'm getting ready for work tonight (meaning i'm doing absolutely nothing), i'm researching new music, i'm stalking friends on Facebook/MySpace, taking time to write emails to letters that need a long-overdue response, and untagging pictures that i deem unflattering or just completely embarrassing (due to retarded alcoholic consumption, i seem to have a lot of those- and i'm not proud of it).
I have too many of these things that i have to sign up for. Soon enough, i'll be forgetting the passwords and usernames to some of them and it'll be completely useless.
Blogger * Multiply * Myspace * Facebook * Friendster * Photobucket * MySlide * Gmail * Yahoo * AIM * Kodak (Photo something... see, i forgot already) * WAYN??? *
WHY???
So this turned out to be a word-vomit session.
I may or may not have made sense... but atleast i got to write a few things down.
I write when i have too many things going through my head.
I write mostly when i'm confused, sad, angry... or bored.
I don't write when i'm happy- i'm too busy enjoying life to take the time to actually put it into writing.
I go through "writer's block" A LOT. I have a lot to say but don't know how to say it.
I think twice about what i put out there... do i really wanna let people into my life like that?
Sometimes, i just don't give a flying f@#%.
I am the Queen of Procrastination. Give me a project and you can bet everything that means anything to you that i won't get to it or start crackin at it til the very last minute (or the last 24, maybe even less, hours). That's how i've always been.
But the perfectionist in me will make sure it is of awesome quality and won't rest til it's to my satisfaction. I lose hair because of these moments.
BUT i get it done on time. =) ha!
I stopped writing on here in the beginning of the year... and look what we have here. I'm back just right before the year ends. Typical.
As any ordinary life goes... it was a roller coaster, as usual.
Very high highs, and some ultimately deep and treacherous lows.
I wish i had those implant video thingies like in that movie The Final Cut with Robin Williams. Either that or Dumbledore's Pensieve Bowl- where he takes out memories and dumps it into a very pretty stone bowl, and whenever he feels like it, he can go back to any memory he has had in his whole entire life. Pretty awesome concept if you ask me.
The year whizzed on by. I remember the days would drag sometimes, but the weeks and months seemed to just fly by like nothing.
Ian came home at the end of March. I met his parents. It didn't go very well (but that's a whole other story). I said goodbye to Ian... and it was seriously one of the hardest things i ever had to do. We've been good though. Keeping in touch every day and catching up whenever we have time. Long distance is a bitch and i seriously don't recommend it to anyone. A lot of people think i'm crazy for even thinking of doing this... but hey, if you think it's worth it, you give it a shot. So far, so good. One year down, 5 more to go. (yeah. haha. Wouldn't you like to know how that fairy tale ends?)
I don't get to see him til later because... i'm from here. Manila. The Philippines. He's over there... The States. Try being me and apply for an American Visa. Ha! Yeah, still trying to work that out...
Dylan is absolutely in love with school and he's having the time of his life. I wish i could be 4 years old again... life was so simple. I can only imagine how huge the world seems to be to him. They grow up way too fast.
Finally, finally, finally did a gig outside the country. Singapore was awesome and we had an incredible party. Jena and i are ecstatic. We're just waiting for even bigger things to hit us. This is gonna be phenomenal.
The food in Singapore was iiiiiiiiiiiin-f*ckin-credible. WOW.
Shanghai on the other hand... maybe i went to all the wrong places... but the shopping was serious business. =) I came home practically in debt.
We're waiting for confirmation dates on Canada, Dubai, Germany, KL, and Australia (maybe). How can i not be psyched about that??? Keeping my fingers crossed that the green passport doesn't fail me.
These are the moments that make me absolutely love my job.
I have days when i feel like there just isn't enough hours in a day... and other days where i feel like the day is just way too long. (That was a lot of"day(s)")
I wish i could write as often as i'd like...
These are one of those days when i have a lot of time on my hands. I'm in"recharge" mode... i'm getting ready for work tonight (meaning i'm doing absolutely nothing), i'm researching new music, i'm stalking friends on Facebook/MySpace, taking time to write emails to letters that need a long-overdue response, and untagging pictures that i deem unflattering or just completely embarrassing (due to retarded alcoholic consumption, i seem to have a lot of those- and i'm not proud of it).
I have too many of these things that i have to sign up for. Soon enough, i'll be forgetting the passwords and usernames to some of them and it'll be completely useless.
Blogger * Multiply * Myspace * Facebook * Friendster * Photobucket * MySlide * Gmail * Yahoo * AIM * Kodak (Photo something... see, i forgot already) * WAYN??? *
WHY???
So this turned out to be a word-vomit session.
I may or may not have made sense... but atleast i got to write a few things down.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Those serious Flashbacks
I've always been sentimental. It's a great trait, however, a weakness at the same time. They say it's good to remember... it's just not good to dwell. Like i've said before- there's a reason why people "say" these things... there's gotta be some truth to it.
In a nutshell, a lot of things from my past have resurfaced. Some are simpler than others... and a good chunk of it- i have no idea what to do with it.
My move to Manila in the middle of my teens caused an uproar in my life. Life was perfect where i was, and i couldn't believe my parents decided to move me elsewhere for "my own good". I wasn't convinced. I had high hopes that i would be going back home anyway... that moving here, they would soon find out, was all a big mistake.
I was living in the past. Holding on to memories that were slowly being replaced. Living vicariously through the phone calls and emails that i so often received from friends. They were moving on without me... leaving the past behind and enjoying their present. I was grasping on to something that was fading and resenting everything that was right in front of me. It was something i couldn't understand at the time. My dad knew it was tearing me up inside.
He had to sit me down and give me another one of his talks. He had to explain to me that this was it. I had to move on and let go. It was the only way to make things better. It was time to stop feeling bad for myself.
So i did. The pictures on the walls came down. Banners from my "old" school were put away. The phone calls decreased. The emails thinned out. Eventually, i lost touch with these friends... and i built a new life in Manila.
It took me 9 years to think about all of this all over again.
You have to understand... when i let go of my past, i put everything away. And when you lock up something for so long... it tends to be left forgotten.
Unless it's accidentally stumbled into or found.
Unless you're asked about it.
Unless you see something that is an incredibly vivid reminder of it.
Unless you run into someone that ultimately refreshes your memory about all of it.
Unless you go looking for it yourself.
Now understand this... it was my past. I let it go. I got over it. I've built a new life... and i kinda like it. It's great to reminisce, it's awesome catching up... but sometimes, the past is better off left in the past.
Sometimes, you can't make up for lost time.
In over a decade, things have happened. People DO change.
Sometimes, the present doesn't give enough room for the things in the past to just shove its way in.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was for a different purpose...
I don't know for sure...
But what i do know is- it was good. You can't take that away from it.
I guess it's still inconclusive.
I know this may sound a bit heavy. It shouldn't be that serious.
All i'm saying is... i'm dealing with the present and making plans for the future... and all of that on its own is hard enough as it is.
Having ghosts in my closet jump back in my life wasn't part of the plan, and I'm not entirely sure of what i'm supposed to do.
Life, once again, is using me for plain amusement.
Thank you.
In a nutshell, a lot of things from my past have resurfaced. Some are simpler than others... and a good chunk of it- i have no idea what to do with it.
My move to Manila in the middle of my teens caused an uproar in my life. Life was perfect where i was, and i couldn't believe my parents decided to move me elsewhere for "my own good". I wasn't convinced. I had high hopes that i would be going back home anyway... that moving here, they would soon find out, was all a big mistake.
I was living in the past. Holding on to memories that were slowly being replaced. Living vicariously through the phone calls and emails that i so often received from friends. They were moving on without me... leaving the past behind and enjoying their present. I was grasping on to something that was fading and resenting everything that was right in front of me. It was something i couldn't understand at the time. My dad knew it was tearing me up inside.
He had to sit me down and give me another one of his talks. He had to explain to me that this was it. I had to move on and let go. It was the only way to make things better. It was time to stop feeling bad for myself.
So i did. The pictures on the walls came down. Banners from my "old" school were put away. The phone calls decreased. The emails thinned out. Eventually, i lost touch with these friends... and i built a new life in Manila.
It took me 9 years to think about all of this all over again.
You have to understand... when i let go of my past, i put everything away. And when you lock up something for so long... it tends to be left forgotten.
Unless it's accidentally stumbled into or found.
Unless you're asked about it.
Unless you see something that is an incredibly vivid reminder of it.
Unless you run into someone that ultimately refreshes your memory about all of it.
Unless you go looking for it yourself.
Now understand this... it was my past. I let it go. I got over it. I've built a new life... and i kinda like it. It's great to reminisce, it's awesome catching up... but sometimes, the past is better off left in the past.
Sometimes, you can't make up for lost time.
In over a decade, things have happened. People DO change.
Sometimes, the present doesn't give enough room for the things in the past to just shove its way in.
Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was for a different purpose...
I don't know for sure...
But what i do know is- it was good. You can't take that away from it.
I guess it's still inconclusive.
I know this may sound a bit heavy. It shouldn't be that serious.
All i'm saying is... i'm dealing with the present and making plans for the future... and all of that on its own is hard enough as it is.
Having ghosts in my closet jump back in my life wasn't part of the plan, and I'm not entirely sure of what i'm supposed to do.
Life, once again, is using me for plain amusement.
Thank you.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Intense highland fever & serious flashbacks
It was so good to be home.
I haven't been out of Manila (with the intention of getting much needed R&R) in over 2 years. The last time i was home wasn't exactly a joyful occasion. This was it. The "vacation" i was waiting for- it's just a bit strange that my vacation is set at a place where i grew up.
Baguio is different now. The familiar places look beaten down and neglected. The new places and random buildings that have popped up everywhere look so out of place. There's traffic! And the scent of pine is almost non-existent.
It's shocking what time can do to such a beautiful place.
But there are places that have been left untouched. Streets that look exactly the same as if i was on it just yesterday on my way to school. Random stops on the side of the road where i used to take breaks when i would ride my bike. My old school where i spent a chunk of my childhood and experienced some of the most memorable times of my life. My house.
I love going home. It reminds me about who i really am. It awakens long forgotten stories that should be remembered. It just brings me back to a really good time in my life... and i'm happy it will always be like that.
The past few months have been very heavy. The holidays whizzed past me and i didn't even notice it come and go. I've been spreading myself quite thin and i've been running myself to the ground. My dad thought i should go home so that i could "find myself".
I planned to go home, appreciate the peace and quiet, read a few books, drink lots of coffee, eat at all my favorite places (all 2 of them. haha) think, and write. Write a lot, actually.
It didn't go quite as i planned. But in a good way, make no mistake about that.
i have so many things running through my head right now.
I'm still in Baguio mode (thus, the highland fever) and i can't manage to get back into the swing of Manila. I'm trying to sort things out and go about my life like i have to all at the same time. Does that even make any sense?
I ran into a friend that i haven't spoken to in about 11 years. Serious flashback, that was.
but i can't think. I can't write. A part of me wants to put all of this down on paper... and a huge part of me just wants to keep it all to myself.
Maybe i'll just have to continue this some other time.
I haven't been out of Manila (with the intention of getting much needed R&R) in over 2 years. The last time i was home wasn't exactly a joyful occasion. This was it. The "vacation" i was waiting for- it's just a bit strange that my vacation is set at a place where i grew up.
Baguio is different now. The familiar places look beaten down and neglected. The new places and random buildings that have popped up everywhere look so out of place. There's traffic! And the scent of pine is almost non-existent.
It's shocking what time can do to such a beautiful place.
But there are places that have been left untouched. Streets that look exactly the same as if i was on it just yesterday on my way to school. Random stops on the side of the road where i used to take breaks when i would ride my bike. My old school where i spent a chunk of my childhood and experienced some of the most memorable times of my life. My house.
I love going home. It reminds me about who i really am. It awakens long forgotten stories that should be remembered. It just brings me back to a really good time in my life... and i'm happy it will always be like that.
The past few months have been very heavy. The holidays whizzed past me and i didn't even notice it come and go. I've been spreading myself quite thin and i've been running myself to the ground. My dad thought i should go home so that i could "find myself".
I planned to go home, appreciate the peace and quiet, read a few books, drink lots of coffee, eat at all my favorite places (all 2 of them. haha) think, and write. Write a lot, actually.
It didn't go quite as i planned. But in a good way, make no mistake about that.
i have so many things running through my head right now.
I'm still in Baguio mode (thus, the highland fever) and i can't manage to get back into the swing of Manila. I'm trying to sort things out and go about my life like i have to all at the same time. Does that even make any sense?
I ran into a friend that i haven't spoken to in about 11 years. Serious flashback, that was.
but i can't think. I can't write. A part of me wants to put all of this down on paper... and a huge part of me just wants to keep it all to myself.
Maybe i'll just have to continue this some other time.
Friday, December 7, 2007
The long car rides home
It's my favorite time of the "day". There's no traffic. You can come and go as you please. Everyone is resting. It's considered unusual to be up and about at this time. But i like it. I feel like this is the time where i'm at my best.
It feels as if the chaos is at a minimum. The busy air has a calm breeze to it now. It's actually alright. It feels like freedom... and there's nobody criticizing you.
I love the long car rides home. Especially when i retrace routes and follow a pattern i've gone through so many times before. It's a part of my past. It was something i lived through. And this is the time mostly spent thinking and pondering. Looking into the future, thinking about the present, and reminiscing about the past.
I'm sentimental. I can't help it.
But i enjoy these moments. They're part of something i'm still trying to put together.
I'm still looking forward to finding out what's about to happen. I have a feeling things are about to make a drastic change.
It just has to.
It feels as if the chaos is at a minimum. The busy air has a calm breeze to it now. It's actually alright. It feels like freedom... and there's nobody criticizing you.
I love the long car rides home. Especially when i retrace routes and follow a pattern i've gone through so many times before. It's a part of my past. It was something i lived through. And this is the time mostly spent thinking and pondering. Looking into the future, thinking about the present, and reminiscing about the past.
I'm sentimental. I can't help it.
But i enjoy these moments. They're part of something i'm still trying to put together.
I'm still looking forward to finding out what's about to happen. I have a feeling things are about to make a drastic change.
It just has to.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Through the Fire
Done.
It's all done.
The last month was probably another shift in my life... and i'm still trying to get used to all the changes.
I've said goodbye to my grandmother.
I've done the Palawan gig (which turned out to be the Palawan trip from hell).
I said "til next time..." to Ian.
I finished packing for Ian.
I landed a day-job and ended it just as fast as i got it.
We've finally decided to put Dylan into school- and it's pushing through.
I've established contacts in terms of my jewelry.
I'm getting to know different people more and more.
I'm getting worried about my leg- it's given up on me a few times and i might need to get an operation.
I'm moving on.
Something that i have just stated in 10 sentences is actually the complete sum up of my life in the past few weeks. I've been so caught up with "preoccupying" myself, i never really wanted to write about it. I had so many things to do, i was running around the metro and catching my breath only when time permitted it.
I was living. Getting through the day one step at a time... just simply, getting through it.
Ian's been gone for over 2 weeks now. It sounds quite pathetic... but i really feel different without him. It's just what happens in relationships, i guess. You're so used to being a "we", you forget how to function just as "me".
I've been doing alright though... the day job took up a good amount of my time... and i've made the extra effort to hang out and make plans with people.
I'm working on getting more work and handling more projects.
I'm working on making sure i'm a good enough mom.
I'm doing so many things with the intention of, not just improving myself, but improving my life in general.
I've gone through some things i thought i would never be able to hurdle my way through... but i've done it, and i've overcome it.
Shit happens. That's life.
But i'm still okay. I'm still strong.
I'm doing it for the people that matter.
It's all done.
The last month was probably another shift in my life... and i'm still trying to get used to all the changes.
I've said goodbye to my grandmother.
I've done the Palawan gig (which turned out to be the Palawan trip from hell).
I said "til next time..." to Ian.
I finished packing for Ian.
I landed a day-job and ended it just as fast as i got it.
We've finally decided to put Dylan into school- and it's pushing through.
I've established contacts in terms of my jewelry.
I'm getting to know different people more and more.
I'm getting worried about my leg- it's given up on me a few times and i might need to get an operation.
I'm moving on.
Something that i have just stated in 10 sentences is actually the complete sum up of my life in the past few weeks. I've been so caught up with "preoccupying" myself, i never really wanted to write about it. I had so many things to do, i was running around the metro and catching my breath only when time permitted it.
I was living. Getting through the day one step at a time... just simply, getting through it.
Ian's been gone for over 2 weeks now. It sounds quite pathetic... but i really feel different without him. It's just what happens in relationships, i guess. You're so used to being a "we", you forget how to function just as "me".
I've been doing alright though... the day job took up a good amount of my time... and i've made the extra effort to hang out and make plans with people.
I'm working on getting more work and handling more projects.
I'm working on making sure i'm a good enough mom.
I'm doing so many things with the intention of, not just improving myself, but improving my life in general.
I've gone through some things i thought i would never be able to hurdle my way through... but i've done it, and i've overcome it.
Shit happens. That's life.
But i'm still okay. I'm still strong.
I'm doing it for the people that matter.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Empty pitchers and Girl Time
You're never alone. Even if you think you are... the world is massive... you're not alone, trust me.
Just when i thought i had one of the worst weekends of my life and the sadness started to creep in much deeper and i began to cave in... i found out i wasn't as alone as i thought.
Girl time couldn't have come at a much better time. I've said it before, no matter how great your significant other is, and your guy friends are dope, a girl will always need girls.
So i find out that everybody is going through some kind of struggle. Everyone thinks everyone else is leading a better life only to find out that you're on the same boat anyway. Funny, isn't it? Maybe it's just the season to contemplate. A very deep soul-searching session is needed. Everybody is going through their 20's life crisis. The older generation would read this and proceed to laugh at our troubles, i'm sure.
Here's the thing. Is the glass half empty or half full? I read somewhere that someone thought their glass was neither- and concluded with the answer of it being completely empty, period.
Do you have any idea how many people are feeling that way today?
A lot.
The 20's- the decade of your life that's supposed to rock. Are we all starting to grow up too fast? These days, before you hit 30, you're supposed to already have a plan. You're supposed to be sure of yourself, make that decision and start the process of "the rest of your life".
The rest of your life is serious stuff. It's a bit scary. A million "what ifs" to be answered.
I didn't think i'd feel old at the age of 24. But i'm planning the rest of my life as i type this. I'm making decisions and taking steps to get me closer to my goal.
Yeah... all this because someone thought her pitcher was empty and i had girl time yesterday. I'll write about that some other time...
peas.
Just when i thought i had one of the worst weekends of my life and the sadness started to creep in much deeper and i began to cave in... i found out i wasn't as alone as i thought.
Girl time couldn't have come at a much better time. I've said it before, no matter how great your significant other is, and your guy friends are dope, a girl will always need girls.
So i find out that everybody is going through some kind of struggle. Everyone thinks everyone else is leading a better life only to find out that you're on the same boat anyway. Funny, isn't it? Maybe it's just the season to contemplate. A very deep soul-searching session is needed. Everybody is going through their 20's life crisis. The older generation would read this and proceed to laugh at our troubles, i'm sure.
Here's the thing. Is the glass half empty or half full? I read somewhere that someone thought their glass was neither- and concluded with the answer of it being completely empty, period.
Do you have any idea how many people are feeling that way today?
A lot.
The 20's- the decade of your life that's supposed to rock. Are we all starting to grow up too fast? These days, before you hit 30, you're supposed to already have a plan. You're supposed to be sure of yourself, make that decision and start the process of "the rest of your life".
The rest of your life is serious stuff. It's a bit scary. A million "what ifs" to be answered.
I didn't think i'd feel old at the age of 24. But i'm planning the rest of my life as i type this. I'm making decisions and taking steps to get me closer to my goal.
Yeah... all this because someone thought her pitcher was empty and i had girl time yesterday. I'll write about that some other time...
peas.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Can i get a dollar?
This post is based on absolutely nothing. A random babbling session. I've been too busy living and going about my day to actually have time to sit and write about the chaos going on in my head. But there are some things i feel need to be taken off my chest...
Last week, at work, i played for about 2 and a half hours. That's approximately (fine, exactly) an hour and a half more than what i'm being paid for. Perhaps because Mark isn't here, the schedule has changed... but that's beside the point. 2 and a half hours straight is still pretty freakin' long- no matter what anybody says. To add to that, it was pre-primetime. That means, i couldn't really play all the hits and all the bangers that everybody's so into nowadays. I think i sold out more than 9 times (i played HUMPS!!! for the love of elmo!!!), and without a doubt, i think i had a moment when people thought i was just downright a horrible DJ. Not such a good thing- really.
The reason: DJ #1 didn't have a charger and DJ #2 showed up 3 hours late (with a charger)
The kicker: i worked my ass off only to get paid less than what i expected... and just as much as DJ #2.
The problem: Can i just say- does that mean it's alright for me to show up to work 3 hours late? So working your ass off and slacking off is rewarded equally? I must be such a jackass... always having anxiety attacks to be there on time, keeping it professional... what a waste of time and energy. I mean, for what?!?! nobody gives a damn, right? I think that was verified for me last week.
The heartbreaker: i do it and i don't complain. What am i supposed to do? i think being this naive is implanted in my genetic code. So i shut the hell up and do what i'm told. Because that's just the way it is... no matter how much i freakin' hate it. I hate that i depend on this. But i do it coz i have to. It's a little sad. I think having to deal with all this took all the magic out of playing music- when all these years, it was what kept me going. *sigh*
So it's Friday, yet again. I'm gonna get there on time and put on my happy face. I do what i'm told and i'm grateful for the opportunity and the job a million people would die to have. It looks great on the surface, doesn't it? The grass is always greener on the other side. I commend those who know that they're walking on the greener pastures. Lucky sons of bitches. (joke) haha
We're experiencing stupid-weather season. It always happens to pour on days i'm scheduled to go out. I swear, someone out there is trying to spite me.
The weather seems to have a lot to do with my mood. So... yeah, i'm a bit damp at the moment.
I know i sound like i'm completely bitter... but in all honesty, i'm not. I'm just looking from outside the box and i don't like what i'm seeing. I've been standing up for things i thought have always been right- only to have people look at me and spit at my principles and values, almost yelling at me, that it doesn't mean jack shit. When i try to rebel and go with what everyone else has been doing (it hasn't done them any bad, so far), it bites me right smack on the ass. I get the "late" lecture when i'm hardly ever late... and at most, it'll be 10mins (when i do it on purpose coz i'm sick of waiting by myself at a venue for 40 god-forsaken minutes).
I don't get it.
I wish i could say i was doing all this just for fun. But that's not the case. I know it's not pocket change... but i just wish it was fair.
This is the moment when someone comes up to me, puts a hand on my shoulder, and gives me the concerned look... and then will softly utter the words, "but life isn't fair, dear".
You can go to hell then, bitch.
(i promise i'll write something more cheerful next time. It's raining... so i'm kind of just letting things pour... ALRIGHTY THEN - PEACE, TRUE LOVE & HAPPINESS!)
Last week, at work, i played for about 2 and a half hours. That's approximately (fine, exactly) an hour and a half more than what i'm being paid for. Perhaps because Mark isn't here, the schedule has changed... but that's beside the point. 2 and a half hours straight is still pretty freakin' long- no matter what anybody says. To add to that, it was pre-primetime. That means, i couldn't really play all the hits and all the bangers that everybody's so into nowadays. I think i sold out more than 9 times (i played HUMPS!!! for the love of elmo!!!), and without a doubt, i think i had a moment when people thought i was just downright a horrible DJ. Not such a good thing- really.
The reason: DJ #1 didn't have a charger and DJ #2 showed up 3 hours late (with a charger)
The kicker: i worked my ass off only to get paid less than what i expected... and just as much as DJ #2.
The problem: Can i just say- does that mean it's alright for me to show up to work 3 hours late? So working your ass off and slacking off is rewarded equally? I must be such a jackass... always having anxiety attacks to be there on time, keeping it professional... what a waste of time and energy. I mean, for what?!?! nobody gives a damn, right? I think that was verified for me last week.
The heartbreaker: i do it and i don't complain. What am i supposed to do? i think being this naive is implanted in my genetic code. So i shut the hell up and do what i'm told. Because that's just the way it is... no matter how much i freakin' hate it. I hate that i depend on this. But i do it coz i have to. It's a little sad. I think having to deal with all this took all the magic out of playing music- when all these years, it was what kept me going. *sigh*
So it's Friday, yet again. I'm gonna get there on time and put on my happy face. I do what i'm told and i'm grateful for the opportunity and the job a million people would die to have. It looks great on the surface, doesn't it? The grass is always greener on the other side. I commend those who know that they're walking on the greener pastures. Lucky sons of bitches. (joke) haha
We're experiencing stupid-weather season. It always happens to pour on days i'm scheduled to go out. I swear, someone out there is trying to spite me.
The weather seems to have a lot to do with my mood. So... yeah, i'm a bit damp at the moment.
I know i sound like i'm completely bitter... but in all honesty, i'm not. I'm just looking from outside the box and i don't like what i'm seeing. I've been standing up for things i thought have always been right- only to have people look at me and spit at my principles and values, almost yelling at me, that it doesn't mean jack shit. When i try to rebel and go with what everyone else has been doing (it hasn't done them any bad, so far), it bites me right smack on the ass. I get the "late" lecture when i'm hardly ever late... and at most, it'll be 10mins (when i do it on purpose coz i'm sick of waiting by myself at a venue for 40 god-forsaken minutes).
I don't get it.
I wish i could say i was doing all this just for fun. But that's not the case. I know it's not pocket change... but i just wish it was fair.
This is the moment when someone comes up to me, puts a hand on my shoulder, and gives me the concerned look... and then will softly utter the words, "but life isn't fair, dear".
You can go to hell then, bitch.
(i promise i'll write something more cheerful next time. It's raining... so i'm kind of just letting things pour... ALRIGHTY THEN - PEACE, TRUE LOVE & HAPPINESS!)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A moment of retardation
A very short-lived cheap thrill.
It was an ordinary Saturday night. Another day at the office, i'd like to call it. The only thing that made this Saturday extraordinary was (1)we had a theme (90's HipHop) and (2)it was Sarah's birthday weekend. The night wears on like any other.
It's somewhere around 2am (atleast, i THINK it was) and i'm talking to Jena in one of those VIP rooms upstairs. And then, she says it. "Omigod, he's here..."
I turn around and look. I think about it for a split second. No more, no less. I tell Jena, "I'm gonna go talk to him."
She replies, "What?!?! What are you gonna say?"
I joke, "I don't know! I'm gonna ask him if i can be in one of his movies."
With that, i quickly make my way towards him. With every step i take, my mind races, with every ounce of sense & strength- i needed to come up with something to say. I'm an idiot and i can't believe i'm doing this.
I'm right in front of him and he's looking straight at me. Kinda hard to ignore someone my size standing dead-straight in front of you, right?
And i begin to babble. And i mean BABBLE. I say something along the lines of-
"I know you probably get this all the time, and i don't mean to be cliche or anything... but i'd just like to say that..." (for me to know, you don't need to know)
I, of course, compliment him on his work and all that crap that just seems absolutely ridiculous, now that i think about it. ANd of course, my retarded self ended our conversation with (1) me, asking him, if he needed anybody (female, filipina dj-ish) in any one of his films, to give me a call (in which he responds with, "i'll take you up on that", which he probably just said for the hell of it) and (2) me telling him, to "go ahead and do whatever it is that you do".
YEs.
He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
Had it been anybody else, i really wouldn't have even bothered to make the effort (unless, of course, it was Johnny Depp. But that's a whole new strategy on its own). I'm not really fanatic by nature. I'm nothing close to being a groupie nor a band-aid in whatever form. I harldy ever get star-struck, really. But i had to. It was way too legendary to pass up.
Now i can say that i actually had a conversation with Quentin Tarantino. Personally, i think that's quite fresh.
Okay, so he prolly forgot about me the minute (even the second) i disappeared from his sight. He probably doesn't even remember me at all... then again, i'm sure of it. But i don't care. It was retarded... yet fun. =) yay for me.
It's something i like to laugh at... i never thought i'd ever cross paths with him, you see.
Maybe i'm a tiny bit of a fanatic after all... =p
Gimme a break. I was drunk. LOL!
It was an ordinary Saturday night. Another day at the office, i'd like to call it. The only thing that made this Saturday extraordinary was (1)we had a theme (90's HipHop) and (2)it was Sarah's birthday weekend. The night wears on like any other.
It's somewhere around 2am (atleast, i THINK it was) and i'm talking to Jena in one of those VIP rooms upstairs. And then, she says it. "Omigod, he's here..."
I turn around and look. I think about it for a split second. No more, no less. I tell Jena, "I'm gonna go talk to him."
She replies, "What?!?! What are you gonna say?"
I joke, "I don't know! I'm gonna ask him if i can be in one of his movies."
With that, i quickly make my way towards him. With every step i take, my mind races, with every ounce of sense & strength- i needed to come up with something to say. I'm an idiot and i can't believe i'm doing this.
I'm right in front of him and he's looking straight at me. Kinda hard to ignore someone my size standing dead-straight in front of you, right?
And i begin to babble. And i mean BABBLE. I say something along the lines of-
"I know you probably get this all the time, and i don't mean to be cliche or anything... but i'd just like to say that..." (for me to know, you don't need to know)
I, of course, compliment him on his work and all that crap that just seems absolutely ridiculous, now that i think about it. ANd of course, my retarded self ended our conversation with (1) me, asking him, if he needed anybody (female, filipina dj-ish) in any one of his films, to give me a call (in which he responds with, "i'll take you up on that", which he probably just said for the hell of it) and (2) me telling him, to "go ahead and do whatever it is that you do".
YEs.
He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
Had it been anybody else, i really wouldn't have even bothered to make the effort (unless, of course, it was Johnny Depp. But that's a whole new strategy on its own). I'm not really fanatic by nature. I'm nothing close to being a groupie nor a band-aid in whatever form. I harldy ever get star-struck, really. But i had to. It was way too legendary to pass up.
Now i can say that i actually had a conversation with Quentin Tarantino. Personally, i think that's quite fresh.
Okay, so he prolly forgot about me the minute (even the second) i disappeared from his sight. He probably doesn't even remember me at all... then again, i'm sure of it. But i don't care. It was retarded... yet fun. =) yay for me.
It's something i like to laugh at... i never thought i'd ever cross paths with him, you see.
Maybe i'm a tiny bit of a fanatic after all... =p
Gimme a break. I was drunk. LOL!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Bring the Rain
Summer is over. I didn't think it would come this fast.
It's not that hot anymore, and it's pouring outside majority of the time. I can wear certain items again that have been neglected for the past 6 months. I need new shoes. My flip flops are going into hybernation. There's nothing i hate more than getting to my desired designation with street goo in between my toes. I hate wet toes and drenched jeans. It completely annoys me.
We only have 2 seasons over here. Wet & dry. The end of one only means the beginning of the other. As cozy as the rainy season can get, i personally think it brings with it a few little things that seem to make my life just a tad bit more difficult. Some people have it worse than i do, but these "little things" are the flash floods and landslides of my life. Yeah, it doesn't kill me... but i'd rather it didn't happen.
I have this theory that the rain makes people slightly dumber. There could possibly be some truth to this. Seeing that this kind of weather makes peeople lazy, the brain functions a bit slower... people tend to think less... therefore, the world is in a much worse condition than it's already in. Traffic in Manila gets 5x worse during the rainy season. That's proof enough as it is.
(That was just random rambling. I know it really doesn't make people dumber. I just wanted to get that out there. However, on days these "people" piss me off though, I fully believe in my theory).
This weather makes me lazy. It always has, and i'm quite sure it always will. I have a lot in store for me this coming month... or possibly even the next few months. *sigh* I need a good vacation.
1. Some of our DJs are going home to (wherever they came from) California. This means that my shifts have been increased to a little over DOUBLE. That means- more research, more time, more thinking (haha), and a lot more effort on my part. I'm jumping up and down all over my room with utter joy and excitement. I can't freakin' wait. No, really. (riiiiiight)
2. One of our PRs just left for good. The other one is due to go on vacation in about a month. They're the biggest reason why people show up to our parties... so the fact that they're not gonna be here for a while makes me somewhat nervous. I'd like to say that if nobody showed up, all the better for me, because i don't have to do much... BUT, less work could lead to NO work at all, and that leads to NO money, and concludes with SAD me. Also, exposure would be great, and it's no fun when there's nobody at the club. Who are we supposed to make fun of when we're on break? I'm totally joking...
3. I'm getting more orders in terms of the jewelry line. Only problem is... i can't find a sufficient supplier for my materials. It seems like this country is always out of stock of whatever it is i need. It baffles me how that happens, really.
Take a restaurant, for example. Have you ever sat and re-thought about what you'd like to eat atleast more than 3 times because what you felt like having to start with happens to be- NOT AVAILABLE?
I went to a shoe store (which shall remain anonymous) with Ian and we saw the dopest kicks. We wanted them in Dylan's size... but apparently, they don't MAKE it at all in that size. Perhaps they were too lazy to check the stock room, or maybe they even ran out of that shoe in that particular size... but to never even exist?! C'mon now. So they make shoe sizes for babies that can't even walk yet... they skip the entire era of them running around like wild animals... and go straight to the kids in puberty? It makes no sense to me.
Getting back on track- i can't find the right stones and beads and stuff that i want to use. Everything looks like crap and it's really pissing me off. I must be looking at all the wrong places or something.
I have deadlines to meet and nothing to work with... crap.
4. In 5 weeks, Ian's leaving for the States. I get anxiety attacks thinking about it. It's gonna take a lot of getting used to... not having him around. You see someone everyday, you tell them everything that happens to you, you share everything together, and blah blah blah... and then you find yourself split in half. You can't just pick up the phone and call when something funny happens- it's not that easy (it's not that cheap, either).
The solution is simple, yes, so i've heard. It's more complicated though when you look at it through my eyes. I may not be as young as i used to be, but shit, i sure as hell am not old. I still have a million and a half things to do. I'm not even really in my mid-20's yet!
If i stay here, i lose the man. If i go, i miss out on my son's childhood. So, what's more important? Even if i am doing it for Dylan and the sake of his future and well-being... can i really not have the best of both worlds?
Agh. I hate goodbyes. I've been through enough of it. yuck.
This is inconclusive... because i'm a coward... even though i already know what the answer is. In due time, maybe.
5. We're going to enroll Dylan into pre-school. *tan tan taaaaaaaaaaaaan* (suspense music). I seriously might cry on his first day... but i'll probably bawl even harder when i receive the bills. Nyahaha. =P
Maybe i could get some help on that department *ahem ahem*.
It's time. He needs it and i can tell he's ready. He wants to socialize. He's picking up so many things so quick. He's absorbing information like a sponge. It'll be good for him. =) And of course, what's expected of my father (and most likely myself, as well), we're keeping it fully unconventional. It might be the "in" thing nowadays, i have yet to find out. But we're thinking of sending him to Anthroposophy pre-school. They study humans, yes. Or something to that extent. They develope all the necessary things FIRST, before encouraging any kind of academic "stress" (i'd like to call it) on the child. Well, it helps them deal with it better later on. It sounds interesting... and i think i'm gonna give it a go. Dylan's gonna love it, i know it.
6. Congratulations to my gurls Lizamaree & Mary Grace for bringing their own little miracles into the world. =) I can't wait to meet em... and us mommies can talk about mommy things... which is what we do because that's what we are.
7. Looking forward to seeing ANY of my gurls come home for a visit OR come home, FINALLY.
I'm very picky when it comes to deciding as to whom i call my friends. I'll talk to people and hang out because i want to, never because i'm obliged to- because that would just make me completely plastic. It takes way too much effort, and i'm not in a position to throw away extra energy on something that i deem useless.
I have a lot to look forward to, and at the same time, dread. There's more work to be done, more music to be downloaded and jewelry to be created. There's more money to be made, more people to meet, and gallons of alcohol waiting to be consumed. There's a storm coming... i'm preparing for it the best way i know how. But it's inevitable.
So whatever- bring the rain.
It's not that hot anymore, and it's pouring outside majority of the time. I can wear certain items again that have been neglected for the past 6 months. I need new shoes. My flip flops are going into hybernation. There's nothing i hate more than getting to my desired designation with street goo in between my toes. I hate wet toes and drenched jeans. It completely annoys me.
We only have 2 seasons over here. Wet & dry. The end of one only means the beginning of the other. As cozy as the rainy season can get, i personally think it brings with it a few little things that seem to make my life just a tad bit more difficult. Some people have it worse than i do, but these "little things" are the flash floods and landslides of my life. Yeah, it doesn't kill me... but i'd rather it didn't happen.
I have this theory that the rain makes people slightly dumber. There could possibly be some truth to this. Seeing that this kind of weather makes peeople lazy, the brain functions a bit slower... people tend to think less... therefore, the world is in a much worse condition than it's already in. Traffic in Manila gets 5x worse during the rainy season. That's proof enough as it is.
(That was just random rambling. I know it really doesn't make people dumber. I just wanted to get that out there. However, on days these "people" piss me off though, I fully believe in my theory).
This weather makes me lazy. It always has, and i'm quite sure it always will. I have a lot in store for me this coming month... or possibly even the next few months. *sigh* I need a good vacation.
1. Some of our DJs are going home to (wherever they came from) California. This means that my shifts have been increased to a little over DOUBLE. That means- more research, more time, more thinking (haha), and a lot more effort on my part. I'm jumping up and down all over my room with utter joy and excitement. I can't freakin' wait. No, really. (riiiiiight)
2. One of our PRs just left for good. The other one is due to go on vacation in about a month. They're the biggest reason why people show up to our parties... so the fact that they're not gonna be here for a while makes me somewhat nervous. I'd like to say that if nobody showed up, all the better for me, because i don't have to do much... BUT, less work could lead to NO work at all, and that leads to NO money, and concludes with SAD me. Also, exposure would be great, and it's no fun when there's nobody at the club. Who are we supposed to make fun of when we're on break? I'm totally joking...
3. I'm getting more orders in terms of the jewelry line. Only problem is... i can't find a sufficient supplier for my materials. It seems like this country is always out of stock of whatever it is i need. It baffles me how that happens, really.
Take a restaurant, for example. Have you ever sat and re-thought about what you'd like to eat atleast more than 3 times because what you felt like having to start with happens to be- NOT AVAILABLE?
I went to a shoe store (which shall remain anonymous) with Ian and we saw the dopest kicks. We wanted them in Dylan's size... but apparently, they don't MAKE it at all in that size. Perhaps they were too lazy to check the stock room, or maybe they even ran out of that shoe in that particular size... but to never even exist?! C'mon now. So they make shoe sizes for babies that can't even walk yet... they skip the entire era of them running around like wild animals... and go straight to the kids in puberty? It makes no sense to me.
Getting back on track- i can't find the right stones and beads and stuff that i want to use. Everything looks like crap and it's really pissing me off. I must be looking at all the wrong places or something.
I have deadlines to meet and nothing to work with... crap.
4. In 5 weeks, Ian's leaving for the States. I get anxiety attacks thinking about it. It's gonna take a lot of getting used to... not having him around. You see someone everyday, you tell them everything that happens to you, you share everything together, and blah blah blah... and then you find yourself split in half. You can't just pick up the phone and call when something funny happens- it's not that easy (it's not that cheap, either).
The solution is simple, yes, so i've heard. It's more complicated though when you look at it through my eyes. I may not be as young as i used to be, but shit, i sure as hell am not old. I still have a million and a half things to do. I'm not even really in my mid-20's yet!
If i stay here, i lose the man. If i go, i miss out on my son's childhood. So, what's more important? Even if i am doing it for Dylan and the sake of his future and well-being... can i really not have the best of both worlds?
Agh. I hate goodbyes. I've been through enough of it. yuck.
This is inconclusive... because i'm a coward... even though i already know what the answer is. In due time, maybe.
5. We're going to enroll Dylan into pre-school. *tan tan taaaaaaaaaaaaan* (suspense music). I seriously might cry on his first day... but i'll probably bawl even harder when i receive the bills. Nyahaha. =P
Maybe i could get some help on that department *ahem ahem*.
It's time. He needs it and i can tell he's ready. He wants to socialize. He's picking up so many things so quick. He's absorbing information like a sponge. It'll be good for him. =) And of course, what's expected of my father (and most likely myself, as well), we're keeping it fully unconventional. It might be the "in" thing nowadays, i have yet to find out. But we're thinking of sending him to Anthroposophy pre-school. They study humans, yes. Or something to that extent. They develope all the necessary things FIRST, before encouraging any kind of academic "stress" (i'd like to call it) on the child. Well, it helps them deal with it better later on. It sounds interesting... and i think i'm gonna give it a go. Dylan's gonna love it, i know it.
6. Congratulations to my gurls Lizamaree & Mary Grace for bringing their own little miracles into the world. =) I can't wait to meet em... and us mommies can talk about mommy things... which is what we do because that's what we are.
7. Looking forward to seeing ANY of my gurls come home for a visit OR come home, FINALLY.
I'm very picky when it comes to deciding as to whom i call my friends. I'll talk to people and hang out because i want to, never because i'm obliged to- because that would just make me completely plastic. It takes way too much effort, and i'm not in a position to throw away extra energy on something that i deem useless.
I have a lot to look forward to, and at the same time, dread. There's more work to be done, more music to be downloaded and jewelry to be created. There's more money to be made, more people to meet, and gallons of alcohol waiting to be consumed. There's a storm coming... i'm preparing for it the best way i know how. But it's inevitable.
So whatever- bring the rain.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Kids say the darndest things
When someone you once knew to only lie still and look at things, barely peep a sound or move a muscle begins talking out loud, constructing sentences, making choices & asks questions: it's really an incredible thing.
Dylan: Mommy, can we sing?
Mommy: Sure, what do you wanna sing?
D: A song...
*
Dylan is playing with a rubber band. He stretches it out and lets one side go. It hits him, he screams, and cries, "Mommy, it BIT me!!!"
*
We're walking in the mall and the COMING SOON posters are up. There's a huge board with the Silver Surfer on it.
Brandon (Dylan's Godbrother, 4 years old): Mama! Mama! Look!!! The Silver Surfer!!!
Dylan (3 years old): Mommy! Mommy! Look!!! ELEPHANT!!! (Referring to the Evan Almighty poster with this huge elephant right smack in the center)
Gotta love innocence and picture books. haha!
*
Ian comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
Dylan: Hey, don't kiss my moooooom...
My little man- overprotective at the age of 3. How can you not admire that?
*
Dylan's at the parking lot looking at all the cars parked.
Dylan: Wow! look at that! Lots of cars...
Skratchmark (uncle Mawk): you mean, HELLA cars...
Dylan: HELLA CARS!!!
*
I'm getting ready for work and Dylan barges into the room, like he always does. He looks at the mirror, and looks at me. He points, and says, "Pretty, mommy! Pretty!!". My heart melts... and then he adds, "butterflies! Pretty butterflies, Mommy!". He was referring to the butterflies stuck on my mirror that i've had on there since 5th grade. Oh well. haha! =)
*
We're walking across Taft Ave. The LRT is right above it. As the train passes by, Dylan's eyes get bigger and he stares at the train with awe and excitement. "IT'S THOMAS!!!" He yells. =)
He's obssessed with Thomas the Tank Engine and was convinced that any train was named Thomas.
That was a few months ago though. He knows better now. The guy can name all the trains just by looking at them... sometimes, I can't even tell the difference. Amazing, i tell you.
*
Mommy: Good morning, hunnie. What would you like for breakfast?
Dylan: Egg.
(He's going through this egg phase. Sometimes, he'll ask for bread)
*
We're all having dinner. Dylan has a thing for fried, crunchy things, and assumes that everything he likes is chicken. He also loves his carbs. I call him the Carbs Kid. He'll eat pasta (alone. No sauce), bread (nothing in it. Just bread), and rice (again, on its own), just as it is. But he needs his protein, so there are days i have to force him, get mad at him, trick him, or bribe him. Whichever works best.
So i hide a piece of meat under a spoonful of rice. I motion it towards his mouth, he opens wide, and just when i thought i had it, he stops. He pulls back and looks at the spoonful of food. He knows he's been tricked.
He looks at me and says, "Mommy, rice lang!"
I can't even outsmart a 3 year old?
I need practice.
*
When he sees pictures of himself in a swimming pool, he calls it- TAKING A BATH. =)
hahaha
*
Geez... i could go on. He's growing up way too fast, but he never ceases to amaze me every single day. Life is beautiful and he only makes it better.
Dylan: Mommy, can we sing?
Mommy: Sure, what do you wanna sing?
D: A song...
*
Dylan is playing with a rubber band. He stretches it out and lets one side go. It hits him, he screams, and cries, "Mommy, it BIT me!!!"
*
We're walking in the mall and the COMING SOON posters are up. There's a huge board with the Silver Surfer on it.
Brandon (Dylan's Godbrother, 4 years old): Mama! Mama! Look!!! The Silver Surfer!!!
Dylan (3 years old): Mommy! Mommy! Look!!! ELEPHANT!!! (Referring to the Evan Almighty poster with this huge elephant right smack in the center)
Gotta love innocence and picture books. haha!
*
Ian comes over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
Dylan: Hey, don't kiss my moooooom...
My little man- overprotective at the age of 3. How can you not admire that?
*
Dylan's at the parking lot looking at all the cars parked.
Dylan: Wow! look at that! Lots of cars...
Skratchmark (uncle Mawk): you mean, HELLA cars...
Dylan: HELLA CARS!!!
*
I'm getting ready for work and Dylan barges into the room, like he always does. He looks at the mirror, and looks at me. He points, and says, "Pretty, mommy! Pretty!!". My heart melts... and then he adds, "butterflies! Pretty butterflies, Mommy!". He was referring to the butterflies stuck on my mirror that i've had on there since 5th grade. Oh well. haha! =)
*
We're walking across Taft Ave. The LRT is right above it. As the train passes by, Dylan's eyes get bigger and he stares at the train with awe and excitement. "IT'S THOMAS!!!" He yells. =)
He's obssessed with Thomas the Tank Engine and was convinced that any train was named Thomas.
That was a few months ago though. He knows better now. The guy can name all the trains just by looking at them... sometimes, I can't even tell the difference. Amazing, i tell you.
*
Mommy: Good morning, hunnie. What would you like for breakfast?
Dylan: Egg.
(He's going through this egg phase. Sometimes, he'll ask for bread)
*
We're all having dinner. Dylan has a thing for fried, crunchy things, and assumes that everything he likes is chicken. He also loves his carbs. I call him the Carbs Kid. He'll eat pasta (alone. No sauce), bread (nothing in it. Just bread), and rice (again, on its own), just as it is. But he needs his protein, so there are days i have to force him, get mad at him, trick him, or bribe him. Whichever works best.
So i hide a piece of meat under a spoonful of rice. I motion it towards his mouth, he opens wide, and just when i thought i had it, he stops. He pulls back and looks at the spoonful of food. He knows he's been tricked.
He looks at me and says, "Mommy, rice lang!"
I can't even outsmart a 3 year old?
I need practice.
*
When he sees pictures of himself in a swimming pool, he calls it- TAKING A BATH. =)
hahaha
*
Geez... i could go on. He's growing up way too fast, but he never ceases to amaze me every single day. Life is beautiful and he only makes it better.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Deprivation be gone
In a word, yes.
Okay, so the new not-in-valenzuela pad happens to have no access to internet. It's more complicated than it seems. How hard can it be, right? Well, you try talking to the landlady... just like the last one, seems to think of everything she could possibly charge us an arm and a leg for.
The first day Ian stayed there, the bathroom sink got clogged. Like, seriously clogged. The water would chill there for hours- and i mean HOURS. There are days it's never even empty. Nasty, i know. But she blamed it on him and says she's not gonna fix it. She says it's because he shaves there... yeah. Apparently, stubble, 1mm thick, can clog your drain. Geez, i can't believe that got past me! Genius.
We have a landline that we never use. We don't ever have a reason to call anybody and nobody's home long enough to ever use it for that purpose anyway. Oh, and the lady didn't give us the number. We don't even know what our phone number is. I also keep it off the hook because in ridiculous hours in the morning or every single time i decide i wanna get some much needed rest, someone calls- and they're looking for Banrangay. Always. Every single time. Did we get the same number as them or something?
My point is- we don't use the landline... and she's charging us 1,000 pesos a month. Yeah, right! For what?!?!? We didn't ask for it, and we don't use it. End of discussion.
I'm internet deprived.
I have been sober since my Friday Night Birthday Fiasco. Well, i've had a drink here and there... but i can honestly say that i've really just been sober every time i go out. It's not so bad. It really isn't. The night goes by a little slower and watching everyone being crazy is not as fun as being crazy with them. But i think my liver likes me better and my head fully thanks me the morning after.
However, all that will come to an end tonight. We're about to witness major stupidity once again- it's another birthday weekend, and the entire crew is getting plastered.
That's just the way it is.
Harry Potter 7 has been out for almost a week now and i'm happy to report that i didn't come across any spoilers and actully finished the book in just under 15 hours- straight. Well, i had to eat in between and use the bathroom and such... but i even ignored Dylan for a little bit and told him not to talk to Mommy. haha! He didn't listen so i had a few interuptions here and there.
I'm not gonna give away anything... but i'm just gonna say i expected a little bit more. My sister cried. I didn't. But nonetheless, the story was brilliantly executed and JK Rowling just made another hundreds of millions of dollars. Mere pocket change to add to her already flourishing empire. Jolly good for her.
I don't know if i've written about this recently, but i think not. I miss my gurls A LOT. It's not the same going out a lot and not seeing your core group gurls. Or having dinner and coffee or afternoon chats when we just feel like it.
I understand that things have changed and the possibility of things going back to the way they once were are slim to nil... but i'm only asking for every so often. It needn't be every single day.
Err... i just miss em, that's all.
Ian's leaving in 8 weeks... and i already don't see him as much as it is... boo.
Okay, so at the moment, i feel as thought there may be some things in my life that needs altering or maybe some things are just simply lacking. Whatever it is, i feel fine. I know i can do this. My cancerian-boar self just shouldn't be so freakin' emotional and sensitive all the time.
It's not that serious.
Okay, so the new not-in-valenzuela pad happens to have no access to internet. It's more complicated than it seems. How hard can it be, right? Well, you try talking to the landlady... just like the last one, seems to think of everything she could possibly charge us an arm and a leg for.
The first day Ian stayed there, the bathroom sink got clogged. Like, seriously clogged. The water would chill there for hours- and i mean HOURS. There are days it's never even empty. Nasty, i know. But she blamed it on him and says she's not gonna fix it. She says it's because he shaves there... yeah. Apparently, stubble, 1mm thick, can clog your drain. Geez, i can't believe that got past me! Genius.
We have a landline that we never use. We don't ever have a reason to call anybody and nobody's home long enough to ever use it for that purpose anyway. Oh, and the lady didn't give us the number. We don't even know what our phone number is. I also keep it off the hook because in ridiculous hours in the morning or every single time i decide i wanna get some much needed rest, someone calls- and they're looking for Banrangay. Always. Every single time. Did we get the same number as them or something?
My point is- we don't use the landline... and she's charging us 1,000 pesos a month. Yeah, right! For what?!?!? We didn't ask for it, and we don't use it. End of discussion.
I'm internet deprived.
I have been sober since my Friday Night Birthday Fiasco. Well, i've had a drink here and there... but i can honestly say that i've really just been sober every time i go out. It's not so bad. It really isn't. The night goes by a little slower and watching everyone being crazy is not as fun as being crazy with them. But i think my liver likes me better and my head fully thanks me the morning after.
However, all that will come to an end tonight. We're about to witness major stupidity once again- it's another birthday weekend, and the entire crew is getting plastered.
That's just the way it is.
Harry Potter 7 has been out for almost a week now and i'm happy to report that i didn't come across any spoilers and actully finished the book in just under 15 hours- straight. Well, i had to eat in between and use the bathroom and such... but i even ignored Dylan for a little bit and told him not to talk to Mommy. haha! He didn't listen so i had a few interuptions here and there.
I'm not gonna give away anything... but i'm just gonna say i expected a little bit more. My sister cried. I didn't. But nonetheless, the story was brilliantly executed and JK Rowling just made another hundreds of millions of dollars. Mere pocket change to add to her already flourishing empire. Jolly good for her.
I don't know if i've written about this recently, but i think not. I miss my gurls A LOT. It's not the same going out a lot and not seeing your core group gurls. Or having dinner and coffee or afternoon chats when we just feel like it.
I understand that things have changed and the possibility of things going back to the way they once were are slim to nil... but i'm only asking for every so often. It needn't be every single day.
Err... i just miss em, that's all.
Ian's leaving in 8 weeks... and i already don't see him as much as it is... boo.
Okay, so at the moment, i feel as thought there may be some things in my life that needs altering or maybe some things are just simply lacking. Whatever it is, i feel fine. I know i can do this. My cancerian-boar self just shouldn't be so freakin' emotional and sensitive all the time.
It's not that serious.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Therapy?
NO, it's not that serious, really.
A few days to clear my head was therapy enough... and a good scare really does the trick. I don't go looking for a high and i don't go craving for alcohol either... and whaddya know? No withdrawal symptoms here.
I guess i can blame my stupidity on boredom. Yeah, there you go. In my defense, i blame all my stupidity on being bored.
Oh, another excuse- it was my birthday weekend. hahaha. Riiiiiight.
You know what would help? Some retail therapy...
I lost an earring again this weekend. I hate it when that happens.
hmmm...
What to do?
A few days to clear my head was therapy enough... and a good scare really does the trick. I don't go looking for a high and i don't go craving for alcohol either... and whaddya know? No withdrawal symptoms here.
I guess i can blame my stupidity on boredom. Yeah, there you go. In my defense, i blame all my stupidity on being bored.
Oh, another excuse- it was my birthday weekend. hahaha. Riiiiiight.
You know what would help? Some retail therapy...
I lost an earring again this weekend. I hate it when that happens.
hmmm...
What to do?
Monday, July 9, 2007
Sweet Escape
10:03pm. Friday night. I'm 3 minutes late for work. Ian decided to come out tonight. It's my birthday thing, you see. We just had dinner at my place with my whole family. It was intimate and sweet... but i had to rush getting ready for work and i left without having any cake. I didn't want to be late.
An old friend i haven't spoken to or heard from in 8 years is meeting me tonight. It should be a good night.
Another friend of mine was throwing a despedida. She gave me "a little something" as a "birthday gift". They're blue. Yeah, it was gonna be a good night.
11:30pm. I'm on. I usually play for about an hour. I've had 3 rhum-cokes already. The place isn't as packed as it was last week. I'm not feeling too hot. I think i could do a lot better. The equipment, always the equipment at this place. It messes up a few times. It's not my fault but it makes me look bad. They fixed the airconditioning, retiled the floors, bought new lights and fixed the outdoor fan... they should've bought new CDJs too, dammit. It might not seem that big of a deal... but they're just as important as those turns.
12:30am. Technically, it's STILL Friday night... but really, it's Satruday morning. I'm finally catching up with Christia (i haven't seen her in years!) and we're having s great time. We drink a bit more and knocked back a few shots. I'm sentimental. I get lost in our conversation because i love to reminisce. Hey, it's such a good night... let's make it more interesting. The "blue birthday gift" i got earlier? Yeah. Done.
1:00am. Ian's still at the club. He has work tomorrow. I have to ask him what time he's leaving... he can't stay out too late. He has to go home soon. I pull the front door open and casually walk in. I look for Ian.
Lots of people.
Couch.
Bathroom.
CD case.
Pic?
Cab.
Ian.
Sidewalk.
Bed.
8:30am, Saturday morning. For the love of Elmo, what the hell just happened?
I'm in my sleeping clothes at Ian's pad. Ian left for work already. I just heard the door shut. I think i left some important CDs in the player last night. Crap. I have work again tonight, i need those. I get up to check. My head is pounding.
What do you know? They're there. Ian must have put my things away. Aww... that's so nice.
Only he didn't. Apparently, i did. We also didn't leave at 1am. We stayed til around 3am. Yeah, i was so plastered, i don't remember a thing. That's where i start to freak out... I ALWAYS remember what i do. Being drunk is a poor excuse to do stupid things. It plays a huge part in the stupidity... but a poor excuse nonetheless.
Hi. My name is Thea... and i'm an alcoholic.
I'm not supposed to put this kind of thing on blast. But i've done some serious thinking and i want to put this out there.
In the past few weeks, i've blamed my alcohol consumption or certain drug abuse on the dilemmas that have happened in my life. YEah, when life throws a curve ball and i get high blood pressure at some point in my day, my mission is to escape on weekends and drink til i'm dillusional. It sounds idiotic. A lot of people would say it's therapeutic.
If it were every now and then, maybe therapeutic would be considered... but not every single time we hit the bar though... that's a different story. And i'm not just saying about the veteran club-goers who just drink to pass time and have fun... i'm talking about those of us who drink to forget. To escape the fact that reality is a bit tougher than we figured.
That was a lot harder to admit than i excpected.
I may be self destructing. I know for a fact that what i'm doing to myself can't be good. I've said it before, i'll say it again- my liver hates me. I wouldn't be surprised if my lungs did too... my brain wouldn't hesitate to jump in that same band wagon either.
Nobody ever said life was gonna be easy. Being given the gift to exist doesn't come with a warranty if something goes wrong. It's also not guaranteed satisfaction. Some people glide through life like pros (or so it seems), while others just can't keep up with the pace. Who's to say that you can handle whatever is thrown your way? How did it go? Right- "It wouldn't have presented itself to you if He knew you couldn't handle it".
Is it such a bad thing to try to get away from the unpleasant things that stare at you everyday?
I've formed my own little world and i haven't let anybody in. It's hard for me to do that. I'm always supposed to be okay. I'm always the one to pull through. I'm not the one that sits around and does nothing when i know there's work to be done and bills to be paid.
But nobody sees that.
Everyone is fighting a harder battle.
It's a sad realization to find it hard to be happy unless intoxicated. I refused to believe it until i woke up one morning not remembering a thing. I did it to myself for a reason... and denial is such a bitch. My worst enemy is most likely me.
I'm not being cynical. C'mon, the teenage junkie/alcoholic gag is so passe.
I'm coming clean... no pun intended.
Dependency and will power aren't as simple as they seem.
It all started with one night. Just to "get away". Stupidity can sometimes be synonymous to FUN. And the things you do in life, the choices we all make... well, they all come with a price. I'm not sticking around long enough to find out where this one could take me. I've read the articles and i've seen the documentaries. I'm not trying to prove i'm better than anyone else. I'm not trying to set some kind of record either.
I'm trying to make life better.
So much for the sweet escape.
I thought i was making life better... it took something completely idiotic to tell me that i was walking down the wrong alley.
To a certain extent, it does help. For a momement, i do escape. Everything is fine. But that's all a have- a moment. It's not permanent... well, atleast the experience isn't. The damage, however... well, that's a different story.
As human beings, we learn our greatest lessons through tragedy. Apparently, bad things have more of an impact than the good, happy stuff.
I'd much rather know that my real life is making an improvement rather than making myself "happy" a couple of times a week while i deteriorate from the inside.
Deal with it. Why should i trade in the rest of my life for a few retarded, artificial happiness moments?
I have so much to live for. I want to be around for a long time. Some people may think that this really is just nothing... I look at it as the first step to solving a problem.
Really, it's just not worth it...
An old friend i haven't spoken to or heard from in 8 years is meeting me tonight. It should be a good night.
Another friend of mine was throwing a despedida. She gave me "a little something" as a "birthday gift". They're blue. Yeah, it was gonna be a good night.
11:30pm. I'm on. I usually play for about an hour. I've had 3 rhum-cokes already. The place isn't as packed as it was last week. I'm not feeling too hot. I think i could do a lot better. The equipment, always the equipment at this place. It messes up a few times. It's not my fault but it makes me look bad. They fixed the airconditioning, retiled the floors, bought new lights and fixed the outdoor fan... they should've bought new CDJs too, dammit. It might not seem that big of a deal... but they're just as important as those turns.
12:30am. Technically, it's STILL Friday night... but really, it's Satruday morning. I'm finally catching up with Christia (i haven't seen her in years!) and we're having s great time. We drink a bit more and knocked back a few shots. I'm sentimental. I get lost in our conversation because i love to reminisce. Hey, it's such a good night... let's make it more interesting. The "blue birthday gift" i got earlier? Yeah. Done.
1:00am. Ian's still at the club. He has work tomorrow. I have to ask him what time he's leaving... he can't stay out too late. He has to go home soon. I pull the front door open and casually walk in. I look for Ian.
Lots of people.
Couch.
Bathroom.
CD case.
Pic?
Cab.
Ian.
Sidewalk.
Bed.
8:30am, Saturday morning. For the love of Elmo, what the hell just happened?
I'm in my sleeping clothes at Ian's pad. Ian left for work already. I just heard the door shut. I think i left some important CDs in the player last night. Crap. I have work again tonight, i need those. I get up to check. My head is pounding.
What do you know? They're there. Ian must have put my things away. Aww... that's so nice.
Only he didn't. Apparently, i did. We also didn't leave at 1am. We stayed til around 3am. Yeah, i was so plastered, i don't remember a thing. That's where i start to freak out... I ALWAYS remember what i do. Being drunk is a poor excuse to do stupid things. It plays a huge part in the stupidity... but a poor excuse nonetheless.
Hi. My name is Thea... and i'm an alcoholic.
I'm not supposed to put this kind of thing on blast. But i've done some serious thinking and i want to put this out there.
In the past few weeks, i've blamed my alcohol consumption or certain drug abuse on the dilemmas that have happened in my life. YEah, when life throws a curve ball and i get high blood pressure at some point in my day, my mission is to escape on weekends and drink til i'm dillusional. It sounds idiotic. A lot of people would say it's therapeutic.
If it were every now and then, maybe therapeutic would be considered... but not every single time we hit the bar though... that's a different story. And i'm not just saying about the veteran club-goers who just drink to pass time and have fun... i'm talking about those of us who drink to forget. To escape the fact that reality is a bit tougher than we figured.
That was a lot harder to admit than i excpected.
I may be self destructing. I know for a fact that what i'm doing to myself can't be good. I've said it before, i'll say it again- my liver hates me. I wouldn't be surprised if my lungs did too... my brain wouldn't hesitate to jump in that same band wagon either.
Nobody ever said life was gonna be easy. Being given the gift to exist doesn't come with a warranty if something goes wrong. It's also not guaranteed satisfaction. Some people glide through life like pros (or so it seems), while others just can't keep up with the pace. Who's to say that you can handle whatever is thrown your way? How did it go? Right- "It wouldn't have presented itself to you if He knew you couldn't handle it".
Is it such a bad thing to try to get away from the unpleasant things that stare at you everyday?
I've formed my own little world and i haven't let anybody in. It's hard for me to do that. I'm always supposed to be okay. I'm always the one to pull through. I'm not the one that sits around and does nothing when i know there's work to be done and bills to be paid.
But nobody sees that.
Everyone is fighting a harder battle.
It's a sad realization to find it hard to be happy unless intoxicated. I refused to believe it until i woke up one morning not remembering a thing. I did it to myself for a reason... and denial is such a bitch. My worst enemy is most likely me.
I'm not being cynical. C'mon, the teenage junkie/alcoholic gag is so passe.
I'm coming clean... no pun intended.
Dependency and will power aren't as simple as they seem.
It all started with one night. Just to "get away". Stupidity can sometimes be synonymous to FUN. And the things you do in life, the choices we all make... well, they all come with a price. I'm not sticking around long enough to find out where this one could take me. I've read the articles and i've seen the documentaries. I'm not trying to prove i'm better than anyone else. I'm not trying to set some kind of record either.
I'm trying to make life better.
So much for the sweet escape.
I thought i was making life better... it took something completely idiotic to tell me that i was walking down the wrong alley.
To a certain extent, it does help. For a momement, i do escape. Everything is fine. But that's all a have- a moment. It's not permanent... well, atleast the experience isn't. The damage, however... well, that's a different story.
As human beings, we learn our greatest lessons through tragedy. Apparently, bad things have more of an impact than the good, happy stuff.
I'd much rather know that my real life is making an improvement rather than making myself "happy" a couple of times a week while i deteriorate from the inside.
Deal with it. Why should i trade in the rest of my life for a few retarded, artificial happiness moments?
I have so much to live for. I want to be around for a long time. Some people may think that this really is just nothing... I look at it as the first step to solving a problem.
Really, it's just not worth it...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
One fine day
A day like any other.
I woke up to the words "i love you". I went out to buy eggs and made Dylan and the boys breakfast. I spent the morning watching Dylan's movies. We skipped lunch because breakfast was considered brunch. When Dylan went down for his nap, i spent the whole afternoon finishing the 2nd season of Prison Break (it's one of the worst series i have ever seen, but it kept me preoccupied for a few days).
We bought chicken for dinner and we had ice cream for dessert. I played with Dylan the rest of the night. I got kicked in the face, my hair was pulled, there were toys everywhere, the room was a mess, and Dylan was filthy. I gave Dylan a bath, my dad cleaned up his toys and now the ever-so-hyper 3 year old is getting ready for bed.
What an ordinary day. Nothing out of the norm.
I turned 24 today.
I've been waiting to turn 24 since i was 13, i think. I don't know why. I thought it had a nice ring to it. Ridiculous, yes. When we were young, we all just couldn't wait to grow up. "Grown up" lives looked fun and promising. Running our own lives and making our own decisions. Yet the older we get, we only long to be young once again. How ironic.
I haven't decided if this means anything yet... but shoot... i turned 24 today.
I woke up to the words "i love you". I went out to buy eggs and made Dylan and the boys breakfast. I spent the morning watching Dylan's movies. We skipped lunch because breakfast was considered brunch. When Dylan went down for his nap, i spent the whole afternoon finishing the 2nd season of Prison Break (it's one of the worst series i have ever seen, but it kept me preoccupied for a few days).
We bought chicken for dinner and we had ice cream for dessert. I played with Dylan the rest of the night. I got kicked in the face, my hair was pulled, there were toys everywhere, the room was a mess, and Dylan was filthy. I gave Dylan a bath, my dad cleaned up his toys and now the ever-so-hyper 3 year old is getting ready for bed.
What an ordinary day. Nothing out of the norm.
I turned 24 today.
I've been waiting to turn 24 since i was 13, i think. I don't know why. I thought it had a nice ring to it. Ridiculous, yes. When we were young, we all just couldn't wait to grow up. "Grown up" lives looked fun and promising. Running our own lives and making our own decisions. Yet the older we get, we only long to be young once again. How ironic.
I haven't decided if this means anything yet... but shoot... i turned 24 today.
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