Arbirtrary Mind Picks #80

1. Experienced a crazy caffeine buzz yesterday- just when i thought it was psychological and had no effect on me. Benguet coffee is no joke. I felt like doing cartwheels around the apartment! Nuts.

2. I'm wondering if this morning thing gets easier... or if i'm really just nocturnal.

3. I've turned into an iPhone apps junkie.
Just another quirk to add to the list of things-i-never-thought-i'd-become.

4. Will attempt to do yoga while listening to neosoul.

5. Ran into something peculiar on my walk back home today.
My rendition of "The Rose that grew from concrete" with leaves that will amuse any ganja enthusiast.

Make Smart Choices

Choose.

My Hair

I've colored it.
I don't brush it.
I tie it up when i sleep.
I hide it under hats.
I never know what to do with it.
It's not curly and it's not straight- it just can't make up its mind.
Will never have it short again- ever.
I feel like pulling it out sometimes.

I've cut my hair 3 times in the past 3 weeks. It got worse with every attempt. I have succumbed to tying it up again until it grows back to a decent length.

My hair has always played a big role in my transformations.
I find that i have the strongest aching need to change it when i'm going through something. Be it a move to another city, a problem overtaking my subconscious, or unbearable boredom. I have always resorted to taking it out on my mane.

The past few weeks have been no different.
My life is a true testament of the saying- "The grass is always greener on the other side".
Changing the way my hair sat on top of my head or dyeing it a different color had nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with identity. I thought that maybe seeing a different reflection in my mirror would satisfy my need for change. I needed to see someone different staring back at me.
There are so many things that people want to accomplish in a lifetime. Endless hobbies, places to see, and experimenting with different lines of work. I have reinvented myself time and time again and i still have no clue what or who i want to become- or how i want to wear my hair.

At around this same time last year, i had just moved back to my hometown leaving behind a job i loved and friends i have gotten so close to, i consider them family. The life that waited for me here was everything i ever wanted and all that i had asked for within that past year- a quiet life with my son away from all the chaos, appropriate for a happy childhood. I even got my hair done- the most it had ever cost me in the 10 years of living in the city. I dropped the party highlights and the blond streaks for a more subtle, "homey" look. I was ready for the life i had asked for. It was better than i anticipated and nothing short of the epitome of happiness.
Like i said- everything i ever wanted and all that i had asked for.

But that was a year ago. My hair looks like crap now and considering i did whatever i could to salvage the disaster i call a "haircut", i look absolutely mundane. Unless i dye my hair blonde or completely shave it off, this is all the change my mop is gonna get. This is as far as it goes. With that said, i don't think the problem lies on what my do looks like. The problem lies in what it is I decide to do with my life.

All of a sudden, peace and quiet with my son isn't enough. The break i so badly needed has served its purpose and i'm looking for greener grass. I don't think i've ever outgrown a place so fast. No wonder my dad decided to take us away from here when he did. It can only serve your growth for so long.

I will not be touching my far-from-luscious locks any time soon. I will let nature run its course and leave it be.
My life, on the other hand, needs a treatment- stat.

Or maybe just a new hobby.
It's what i get for being so fickle.

No Excuses

I beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
-Ranier Maria Rilke - Letters to a young poet

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life.

— Jay Asher | Thirteen Reasons Why

Welcome to the Baguio City Market.
Believe it or not, i love it there.
You have to see it and be there to understand it.

Lovebirds

Discovery of the day:

Ensaydonut
An ensaymada shaped like a donut.
Brought to you by Mister Donut at 7/11.

Weird.
What's wrong with an ensaymada shaped ensaymada?

My Creative Process

~*~

I walked into my room and it just looked like that all of a sudden.

~**~