Generation _?

Dylan just asked me if he could use the internet.
???
Holy hell, he's 5 years old!
I know this is the age of technology and i'm sure some children far younger than him are probably able to operate heavy machinery... but seriously?

I don't think i even knew what the internet was until i was 12 or 13? And i know that was during our time... but my childhood was all the better for it.

What is this generation called? Is there a name for them yet? I know the late 90's was Generation X. The New Millenium kids were a little strange, they were called Generation Y. What are our kids gonna be called? What is this new generation tagged as?

What kind of childhood will it be when all they do is compare video games or talk about who's seen what on the internet/tv? Kids are rarely seen outside riding their bikes. It's not something that they do. You know what i mean? We went out every single day to ride our bikes and play with the neighbors. It was a thing. That's what we did. Kids these days ride their bikes out if they feel like it. If someone is using their computer or if they're frustrated with a level they can't get past.

We all played with our imagination, made REAL friends with other kids, got dirty and scratched up. It was experience. It was living. It's what being a kid was all about. We ran til we couldn't run anymore. We played til our limbs were sore. There was no such thing as getting too dirty or being too sweaty. It was part of being a child. You get to clean up and worry about that when you grow up... and at that time, growing up was light years away. Unfathomable. 24 years old was deemed OLD.

Television was there. Sure. We had our programs and we watched our cartoons. But we didn't make a day out of it. We also couldn't sit still for too long because we'd see all the other kids playing outside and we wouldn't wanna miss out on all the fun everyone else was having. It worked out great.

I miss being a kid. I would gladly jump into a time machine and go back to being 10 years old. That was the life. All i had to do was do my homework and clean up after dinner. Do well in school and be nice to my siblings. Damn. If that's all i had to do these days, i'd be happy as a clam. Wow.

And all the drama you went through as a kid? Think back and see just how none-crazy all of it really was... it's really not that serious, right?
Parents have a way of just knowing when something is wrong. There was a time i was going through some kind of ordeal (can't recall what it was anymore- i guess it wasn't that terrible), and my Dad said, "It seems like a lot right now. But you'll realize it's not so bad... if i had to go back to high school, i'd be able to do everything all over again with my eyes closed".
I didn't get it then... but i certainly do now. I'll most likely be giving Dylan the same advice sometime in the distant future.

I brag about it all the time. I had the most incredible childhood. I am and will forever be grateful to my parents for giving me that. It has set my standards for happiness and it's the same thing i strive to provide for my very own son. Yes, to me, it's THAT important.

A childhood isn't a childhood if not for the real life adventures. The cuts and bruises and learning to use your human mechanics for all the glory it was meant for. The energy you were given at such a young age that slowly burns out with the years- don't waste it. It won't be there forever. The old and elderly are looking at the youth, shaking their heads and wondering- what happened?

It's just not like how it used to be.
I know these things are inevitable. Sure, it's part of evolution and you can't always control what happens in your kids' lives. I'll want to buy them a pair of shoes for quality and endurance that will last a few years at the least- and somehow, they'll insist on the latest fad that will probably break into shreds in about 2 and a half months. That's just how it goes. I know i did that when i was a kid.

I never thought i'd ever think of myself as old fashioned. I always thought i'd be very "with it". I guess as the times change and your values stay put, the world evolves and you become just that- old fashioned. I wonder what our grandparents think and how the elderly of the world feel? I'm only in my 20's.

I've always stood by my beliefs and taken pride of my values. I hold these very near and dear to me. I believe it's a part of building good character. And even if good guys finish last, and tales of heroism are at a minimum, and good people are hard to come by these days... it doesn't mean that we succumb to the ways of the cruel world just like that. You fight for it and stand up for it because this is what inspiration and admiration are made of. And if you give up now and let everything you dislike and disagree with take over... then what of your legacy and that of your children?

This is life. You have one chance to live it. One chance to make an impression. Why not make it a good one?

Everything begins with its foundation... i reckon it'd be a good idea to start there.
Don't you think?

***

The following was an e-mail i received months back. I remember it left such a good feeling with me that i even forwarded it to my dad to share it with him and at the same time thank him and let him know that he did an awesome job.

Some of it is written in Tagalog. It wouldn't be as good if it wasn't written that way, so i'm leaving it be. This is for us anyway... and growing up on this island was hands down, the dopest dope you have ever smoked. =p (grabbed that one from Sabrina. Thanks chicka. She's down with the jungalyness too.)

[it was originally printed in BOLD, size 32 font. Dunno how to do that on here, so bare with it]

FOR THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1950's, 60' s, 70's and early 80's !!


First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us.
While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw,and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula),or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat.(ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711 ( minsan straight from the faucet or poso)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this.Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank softdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan.

No one was able to reach us all day( di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers ). And yes, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys(yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street, only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (seweage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cellphones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters. ...... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents.The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo... ang sasabihin sa iyo... "beh buti nga !"

We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns " gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan. .pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.
We made up games with sticks ( syatong ), and cans ( tumbang preso )and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay, paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala iyang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tingnan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!

PS - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age).

***
I wouldn't change a thing.


me, Aix, & Javy * My Dad built us that "house" * It was awesome!!!

...and no matter what anybody says- that sh*t was FUN.

[i realize after looking at the post as a whole- that is THE most jungaliest photo i have, but i absolutely LOVE IT. hahaha!]

What's YOUR favorite childhood memory?

Enough

There's nothing heavier than hate in your heart. Let it go already.
People make mistakes. We're all human.
There's a time limit for everything... know when your time is up.
You will get hurt no matter what. Deal with it.
Shit happens. It's a reality we all live with.
Be happy. Life is too short to waste your time being miserable.
Always put yourself first. You know what's best for you.
I will forgive... eventually. But i don't forget. That's just how it is.
Just because someone is very understanding doesn't give you the right to push them over the edge. Don't test them- who do you think you are?

My feathers have been ruffled. My aura has been disheveled. My zen has been misplaced. Enough already. I'm done.

I have things to live for. I have people that matter. I have a reason to get up everyday and i thank the higher beings for everything i've been given.
My life moves on. It's also a very good life.

I'm not dented...

How are you today?

Silver Lining

"Every cloud has a silver lining..."

"Success is failure turned inside out
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt
And you never can tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit."
-anonymous


The greatest things i have experienced in my life, the ones i am most grateful for, and have made me extremely happy, all started with a downfall. The result of something i thought broke my spirit. There's a reason for everything... i truly believe that. Now, more than ever. As stupid as chliches may seem (and they're the worst when you're not in the mood to hear them), they're cliches for a reason. They really do mean something.

The past 4 years of my life made me feel more "grown up" than ever. At first, i found it to be so unfair... to hand over a burden to someone so young. Was it not enough that i wasn't able to achieve certain dreams and goals that i had planned for myself? Did i not step up to my responsibilities enough? I thought it was all enough. I thought i had paid my dues. I thought wrong.

I started making my own money at the age of 17. The same year i stopped getting an allowance. I never set foot on a college campus with the intention of learning or going to school. It was always just for a visit... even though growing up as a geek, it was the only thing i ever wanted after high school. Yes, i live for white picket fences, SUVs, the modern woman and the whole shebang. I wanted the picture perfect life. I grew up in a small city, the homey environment, friendly faces, and pretty neighborhoods... other than that, i guess you can say it's just in my nature.

I didn't grow up with the easiest life. Then again, nobody did. We all think we have our own problems to deal with, but right now, i'm not really vying for the "my-so-called-life-sucked-and-i-deserve-a-break" award. I'm heading towards a more positive note... that the shitty things in life happen for a reason, no matter how unbearable they may seem at that point.

The Surprise
I had Dylan when i was 20 years old. My sister just turned 20 about 3 months ago... and i can't imagine someone that young stepping up to something so serious. Being a parent is no joke. A single parent, at that. Kudos to those who have become parents at an even younger age and managed to get by alright.
I'm not ashamed to admit that, the first time i found out i was pregnant, i thought it was the end of the world. Human nature. My life had just begun and there were so many things going on in my life that still had to be dealt with. I couldn't handle a baby. Not just yet.
It wasn't a walk in the park trying to get used to the fact that i was about to bring another human being into the world. But i gathered every ounce of strength i had in me, tried to do everything right during the pregnancy, and was blessed with a wonderful baby boy.
He's the most incredible person to me, and i would not trade him in for anything. I can't imagine life without him and i love him with everything that i am.
Huge turn-around isn't it? From my life being over to receiving the greatest gift i could ever ask for?
How typical.
It's no secret he was unplanned. I'm only being honest.
And yes, it does get tough, and it does make things a lot more difficult having to support and raise a child... only parents may understand this. But it truly is worth it.

The Loss
Dylan's dad and i decided to end the relationship when Dylan was only 10 months old. Yes, i called it, he didn't want it that way... and at the end of it all- i think people saw me as the bitch who ruined the "family". It's common for people to believe this because in their eyes, nobody could be nicer than this guy. His reputation was built upon how "nice" he was. You wouldn't believe me unless you actually know him...
I made a decision and stuck with it. I grew up with a big family, my parents were always around, and my siblings were always my playmates. I grew up loving the family environment. This was important to me. It was something he wasn't.
I made the move, not just for myself, but for Dylan as well. I tried everything to make it work. I begged, and pleaded, adjusted, made my own sacrifices... even threatened to leave... only to have the same result- nothing.
A bona fide workaholic, it was his nature. I wasn't gonna put up with this for the rest of my life. I couldn't. It was so against my principles and i did what i felt was the healthier option for me and my child.
The love and the friendship diminished along with the relationship. Someone who i once considered to be my best friend and someone i loved deeply, little by little, turned into a stranger. The phone calls stopped and the texts became minimal. There were no more exchanges of words to support each other. Just plain communication. Exchange of information.
More often than not, i channel a lot of my frustration towards him. I think of everything i had to go through, both physically and mentally. The changes and the pain i had to endure. My life completely flipped on me... and he went about like nothing ever changed. Like having a kid was the same thing as buying just another pair of shoes. He always did have someone else to clean up after his own mess.
Sometimes i'm appauled at how i think of someone who used to be so important to me. Am i really that bitter? Can i be blamed though?
You will never fully understand until you see it through my eyes. Until you fill in my shoes and walk through every single heartwrenching moment i had to live through. Life was great when it was just the two of us... but the minute responsibility put its foot through the door, i felt as if i had to go through it alone. Abandoned, almost. I gave up everything i knew to make it easy for him (i stand by this, and those who dare refute me will lose, i guarantee it). I got excuses in return and a fight that wasn't even fought for.
I'm glad marriage was never something i opted for. That would have made the situation even more of a nightmare- tenfold.

So there i was. A single parent. A "fatherless" child. What good could possibly come of it?
Moving back with my family gave me the freedom to have a life of my own but at the same time still be the mom i'm supposed to be.
Dylan is now growing up in a healthy family environment- 2 moms, outstanding father figures, and an aunt and 2 uncles that are more like siblings than authority figures who love him with every fiber in their body.
A huge change that scared me in the beginning opened up doors to something that made life that much better. Thank goodness.

The Tragedy
2 years ago i experienced something i wish upon nobody.
An incident that happened in a club resulted in gunfire that killed a man and injured 6 others. I was one of the injured. I wasn't able to walk for about 3 months and nearly lost the use of my right leg- thank goodness i didn't, and i was even considered to be the luckiest out of the bunch. And by luck, i really mean luck. (You can check out the blog i posted about the eperience here).
I became angry, bitter, paranoid, and lost faith in people so quickly. It changed me as a person and started to become someone i didn't quite like.
It was hard for me to deal with because not only did it leave a scar on my leg- it scarred me mentally. So much hate and anger accumulated inside me.
I had just started getting my life back on track and was taking care of my son. I didn't do anything wrong.
Little did i know that something so tragic would lead to better things in life.**
As stupid as the following may sound... bear with me. It is merely a perspective and something that i have pondered upon over and over again in the past 2 years. I'm convinced i have finally made sense of it.

It gave me the extra nudge (more like, shove, even) to gather up enough strength to move out of my ex's house and stay with my family permanently. I have this problem of being too nice and i didn't wanna deprive them of experiencing life with Dylan... so i made that sacrifice and couldn't stand up for myself- no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel.
I got out of there permanently and yes, i think it was the "easy" way out. I did it without confrontation (i tend to avoid conflict and personal confrontation), and most people would call me chicken. I'm still learning. I hope that one day, i get over this fear and prevent people from stepping all over me.

It opened my eyes to the option of a better life- anywhere but here. I realized that this is not the ideal place to be raising a family to my liking and this incident motivated me to take the necessary steps to finding a better life elsewhere. I wouldn't have accepted it, otherwise.

It drove me straight into the path of a man i fell in love with.
After Dylan was born and the break up with his father, i kind of accepted the fact that it could just be Dylan and i for the rest of my life. I totally scratched off the possibility of a happy marriage and even life with a big family. I didn't think it would be possible and i was traumatized for certain reasons. I shunned commitment and said that i would do with my life what i want without having to look for love. I've gone this far on my own, i can do it for a whole lot longer.
Being injured did a lot of things to me. It hurt me physically and i was mentally disturbed. I sank into a deep depression and found refuge in someone i had only started to really know just a week before it all happened. I had known him for years but our relationship wasn't anything solid. Friends, but more of an acquaintance, really.
Interesting enough, he was the only person who made me feel like the world was still a good place. When everything was chaotic, i found peace with him and felt safety like i never have before. He was my silver lining.
I had great difficulty taking care of Dylan at the time because my leg put limitations on what i could do. This only depressed me even more... my parents constantly had to tell him not to go near me because he could hurt me even more. It broke my heart.
My dad thought that i needed all the help i could possibly get- anything to get me out of the rut i was in. Ian was my ticket. The only reason i was ever able to spend so much time with him was because of my injury. He was studying to be a doctor, my parents trusted him enough knowing he could take care of me. I couldn't take care of Dylan, so i might as well spend my healing time doing something for my own good. Ian was my therapy.
He was more of a refuge than a getaway. It never would have happened if it wasn't for my injury. I truly believe that. I would have remained the devoted, single mom, shunning love and working too hard.
Something we both didn't expect- we fell head over heels in love and couldn't do without each other. 2 years down the road, we're more in love than ever and we're even working towards a future together. The most incredible man i have ever met and the greatest love i have ever experienced.

The Conclusion
There is always a balance in life. The greatest things in life come from hardship. It is earned... and most of the time unexpected.
A rainbow only comes out after it rains.

I'm writing about this because i'm about to make some big decisions in my life. Decisions that scare the crap out of me and i know, without a doubt, that some f***ed up $#!+ is coming along with it. I'm looking forward to the pay off... but dreading the journey to get there.
I'm constantly trying to remind myself that only good can come of it... that everything will turn out okay in the end. But it's always easier said than done. Always.
That's just something i'm gonna have to deal with.
I need constant reminding that the hardship i'm about to go through is gonna be worth it.



**disclaimer:
i'm not saying anyone should go out and get shot or look for tragedies or depend on mishaps to turn their life around. I really just meant that shitty things open doors for better things. It's like the slap in the face to wake you the f*** up. I'll leave it at that. I really don't see a reason why i should be defending myself here.