"Hello, is that your son?"
I had just dropped Dylan off to class. I was on my way off campus to have my breakfast.
I smile and brightly say, "Yup!"
With a look of shock and dismay, she says, "But... you're so young!!"
"Yeah...", while nodding my head was all i could do in response.
I get that a lot. I wanted to tell her i had Dylan when i was 14. I wanted to see what sort of reaction i would get from that. I decided to hold my tongue.
I'm sitting on a bench waiting for Dylan to get off class. I'm fidgeting with my phone when an old lady plops herself right across from me. I smile at her and she beams back. She's gonna say something any second now, i know it.
"Hi. Your son is in Kindergarten?", she asks.
"Yes...", i answer politely.
"How old are you??", she's extremely curious.
"You married so young!!!", she's in shock.
"Oh, i'm not married...", that should give her a heart attack.
"What??? Where's his dad???"
"He lives in Manila...", i'm just praying for the bell to ring.
"Surely he comes up every weekend to visit?", she's hopeful.
"Umm... uh... well, uh...nyeah.", i lie.
Silence. She's thinking of what else to ask me. She's studying my face.
The bell rings. I get up, i smile at her and walk towards the door.
Just another day in the world of Parenthood.
As Kindergarten Parent Representative for the PTA, i was given a contact list of all the parents in my son's class. Aside from another single mom (the only other parent i kick it with), everyone else had 2 numbers listed down on their row. One for mom and another for dad.
I am a one woman team.
I'm reminded of this every single day.
It's so frowned upon. Who was the reason for breaking up the family? Why would you allow that? How do you cope? You should get help. I feel so sorry for you. Kawawa ka naman...
Well, boo-freakin-hoo. Get over it.
I've said it before, i'll say it again- it works and we're fine!
I'm not gonna lie and say that it's dandy. Of course i question my capabilities of carrying out all the responsibilities. Dylan does have the power to drive me insane sometimes, but isn't that true for every parent? Would it be easier if there were 2 of us? DUH. That's how it was designed.
The added pressure given to single parents is the facade they have to keep up in front of other parents. The thing is, there's nothing wrong with admitting that it's hard. There's no problem with feeling bad about a day gone wrong. It's normal to stress about whether you're doing everything right. Yes, it's okay to admit that you're tired beyond belief because you have to get everything, literally, everything done.
- i wish i had gotten extra sleep this morning and someone else had taken him to school.
- i don't wanna clean up his toys.
- i hate slaving over a meal only to have it end up NOT being eaten.
- i'd rather go straight to bed instead of giving him a bath. But shit...
- i wanna watch a movie straight without any interruptions...
- i wanna sit in a restaurant throughout the entire time without having to worry about what he's doing in the parking lot because he'd rather be out there than in here... without any supervision.
- if i have to watch Valiant one more time...
- i have a tendency to have auto-pilot on at times...
Perhaps, nobody likes to admit that... but there's nothing wrong with coming to terms with reality.
Because we're more happy than we are sad.
We play more than we're tired.
We laugh more than we cry.
We have more fun together than we do argue.
Yes, it's a pain in the ass, and it gets ridiculously hard... but i see him and i know it's worth it.
Love does crazy things. It really does.
And even if i am in this alone... oh well, more love for me! =)