Get it?

i don't know where to start. I don't know what to think. I was gonna write on here and just keep going. See where my mind was taking me and what was really going through my head. Apparently, i'm not ready to share it with the world. Everybody has good days. Everyone has shitty ones. Even when you think you're alone, you're really not. Everybody struggles. It's okay to be sad sometimes. It's normal. I was thinking of cracking open a bottle of wine at 3 in the afternoon. That's not normal. I need to see the new Harry Potter movie. I need a movie buddy for that. I wanna talk to my boyfriend. He's unreachable at the moment. I wanna go look for things i can use for the new apartment. It's raining outside, i don't wanna go out. I wanna eat out. I don't know where to go though. I'm really indecisive sometimes. I wanna start packing... but i don't. I'm lazy. I know i will panic at the very last moment and i know i'll be forgetting some things. I should really get on it. I don't know why i can't start packing. I have a lot to put in boxes. I canceled my despedida today. I wonder how that would have turned out though. When you love someone, they say you have to let them go. To what extent does this phrase hold true? When you miss someone so much that it physically hurts, does that mean there's something wrong with you? You would think that giving it time would be the solution... only to find out that the more time passes, the more it actually hurts. If you let go of your problem and have it taken care of... does that guarantee less pain? It seems like a lose-lose situation to me. I need a book to read. Reading books is a good escape because i get to live somewhere else. My mind takes me away and i jump into the pages like i knew the characters if i wasn't already one of them. It puts my emotions on pause. Until, that is, i run into a scenario in the story that totally fits the description of something i'm going through. It's interesting to see how other people would deal with a situation. You wonder if you would do the exact same thing or something not even remotely close. Whatever floats your boat, right? It's different for everybody. Priorities vary for everyone. That's understandable. Fat free yogurt tastes like regular yogurt to me. I found out last week that soy milk is disgusting for some people... but i love the stuff. I'm leaving in 6 days and this move is synonymous to freedom. My life as i know it will slowly transform into how i've always wanted it to be. Some people will look at me and wonder why i even thought of choosing this path and i will smile to myself and know that the simplicity of this all is what makes me happy. I will be content knowing that i have no restrictions and i'm allowed to be me. I am free to wander around and discover what truly makes me happy and what it is that makes me ME. I will care less about certain things that i made an effort for in the city but really didn't mean anything to me. I don't have to put up with false pretenses and the slate is wiped clean. I love this place as much as i hate it. But i honestly do think that it's time to leave. I've had enough. This isn't for me. I think i've known that for a really long time now. I just had to do what i had to do. Simple as that. I have a secret. Everyone has a secret. And i think that if you look deep down inside and figure out what your deepest darkest secret is- it'll tell you exactly what kind of person you are. Everything else you do is for show, a front, a cover up of who you really are. Typical way to conform to society. That's the reason why you keep it a secret isn't it? Bottom line, you just don't want anyone to know. You can come up with a million reasons as to why it can't be revealed, that's fine. Keep on making excuses. I think if everyone came clean with their secrets, the world would be fucked up but shit would make more sense; and there would be clarity but a lot of hurt people. A lot of very hurt people. I wish pride wasn't such a huge factor in people's lives. It would make the world a whole lot more pleasant. Less competing and hating. More compliments and understanding. I don't understand why it's so much easier to do bad than it is to work up the courage to do the right thing. What sucks even more is when you find out you did the right thing only to realize that the wrong thing had a much bigger pay off. Life is full of jokes. I wanna try living a day making no sense of anything at all whatsoever. Go against the rules, let go of inhibitions. I bet i'd make a lot of people mad. People trust me, i would never do that. I haven't been to the gym since i've been sick before my birthday. I should cancel my membership already. Do people really have the incapability to understand or are they just pretending? Or is it ignorance that gets in the way? or are we all just that different? i hate mood swings. They ruin people's days. Lack of communication is annoying too. Miscommunication is worse. People should never send messages when they're mad. They regret it later on. Overly happy people come across as fake. It's irritating and contagious at the same time. I give up on educating carbon copy clubheads- they think 50cent falls under the category of good music and Busta Rhymes is underground. I'm aware that i've had terrible sets and that i'm not the best DJ there is- i'll be the first to admit it, actually. I don't care if people think i suck. I still have fun regardless. Besides, i also know i have good gigs and that there are people that appreciate what i do. You can't have everything. It's only right. What happens when you lose the thing that makes you happy? Do you hold onto it for as long as you can or do you let it go and leave it behind because the past is the past and it's pointless to dwell on it. How do you deal with a really good day and know that that moment is gone and it will never ever happen again? Are there more sad people than happy people? Does love make as many people miserable as it does happy? Decision making kicks my ass. I guess there's a reason why i'm so fickle sometimes. I don't know what's right. I don't know what's wrong. I don't know if what i want is a good thing... or if it'll turn my life into a living hell. I also don't know if what i'm feeling is even rational.
Get it? Yeah, you're not supposed to.