Arbitrary Mind Picks #4

*Random Nothings in My Head

1. Britney Spears' music manages to get stuck in my head a lot. I don't know why.

2. I went past getting a tan and went straight to burning myself to oblivion. Ouch... So now, i'm just dark... tomorrow, i'll peel... in a few days, i'll be back to pale. Hay na'ku.
I also need makeup to match my new skin color... agh. I'm too lazy for that.

3. Dylan's turning 5 years old! I can't believe how grown up he's gotten, how big he is, and all the progress he's made. He's still a little baby to me... i forget that he's so far from that already.

4. I'm going hiking on Monday with Dylan and a few other people. It's gonna be so awesome. Good food, more beach, very chill, incredible food... i'm just hoping for great weather. *crossing fingers*

5. Still working on making it to Switzerland. A little nervous about Qatar. Somewhat confused about Dubai. Thinking, "what happened to Cebu?". Preparing for Baguio. Appreciating Manila. Looking forward to Boracay (at a time when NOBODY will be there). Still dreaming about the States. *sigh*

[looking forward to the time i can write a paragraph such as the one above- except mentioning countries from all over the world. hmm... Universe, you hear me?]

6. I'm really getting into the groove of the whole gym thing again. That's a good thing. Now, if only i could find time to squeeze in some Yoga.
I also discovered that i work out a lot better listening to slow jams, soul, & R&B as opposed to the regular, upbeat Electro version of everything, blasting at 139 BPM.
Strange, i agree.

7. I have some serious downloading to do. *snicker* except, it's so not something i do. So... who's willing to share music? =p

On the music tip: i need to grab all the new hits. I need to come up with a showcase set with Jena. I need to practice showcase set with Jena. I need to find equipment to practice showcase set with Jena (haha). I need to meet up with Jena. LOL!

Eh, it'll all work out in its own time. It always does. =)

8. I need to buy pepper spray. I left mine in a taxi.

9. I have to go see a movie- it's been ages since i've gone out to see one. I miss movie nights with Ian. =( I also need to pick up some DVDs.

10. I have to organize photos. They are piling in... and i don't know what to do with them. I've been going nuts with the camera and i love having all the memorabilia... except, my computer can't handle it. My hard drive is so complex, i'm too lazy to deal with it. hmm... i guess i have something to do tomorrow... nyerk. =/

I'm off to bed. Good night world.

Golden Sunsets & Silver Skies

*Dylan finally got to meet the ocean... and he was the happiest kid on the face of this planet.

I know what total contentment and genuine happiness feels like... and the experience is absolutely priceless. The smile on his face, that twinkle in his eyes, his energy, the excitement- it was all so contagious. I loved every second of it. The wonders of being a kid and making a discovery for the very first time. That feeling of experiencing something new and deciding that it's something that makes you happy and it's something that you really like. Incredible. What i would give to see the world in the eyes of a child once again. Dylan is a constant reminder on how the little things can be huge and how wonderful everything really is.

I was never able to take him to the beach. My schedule wouldn't permit it. There was never an opportunity, not enough time, and no mode of transportation. For some reason, i never felt like he was missing out. I knew that when the time came, it would be great no matter what. I'm glad i got to see his reaction at a time when his consciousness was already there, that it wasn't something belittled- the moment was appreciated to the fullest and became that much more grand. Looking back at the photos, the look on his face said it all.

Watching him take in every moment and actually live made my heart melt. Seeing him completely happy and having the time of his life made me happy.

He spent hours in the water and you could see him just having fun. He kept on going and going and was hesitant to stop and take breathers. He was enjoying his little adventure and i could tell he never wanted it to end. Going to bed wasn't difficult... but knowing that he got to wake up to all of it all over again made it easier and gave him something to look forward to.







He is my life and this is what i live for. =)

*I can't believe my baby is turning 5 years old... it happens so fast.


When was the last time you spent hours and hours just having real, genuine, pure-to-goodness fun?
(Last night at the club, sure as hell, doesn't count- and if that's your definition of fun... someone needs to get a life, and get it together)

Arbitrary Mind Picks #3

Top 5 of my greatest concerns this week:

5) Friendship is never an ultimatum. It shouldn't be difficult to maintain either. If it's one of the two, or worse, both- there's something wrong. RED FLAG!

4) My tan is sad. I think the sun rays reflect off my skin. Wackness.

3) Dylan is gaining weight. It looks great on his face. He follows me around the house and always asks me what i'm doing. He's awesome and i absolutely love him. He's doing great things with Lego and can pour water from a pitcher into his own glass all by himself. His birthday is coming up. I can't believe my baby is 5 years old.

2) My laptop is running out of memory space. What am i supposed to do?

1) I have to make it to Switzerland first week of June!!! Oh, and i can't wait to play in Dubai and Qatar. That's gonna be fresh. =)

Hi. My name is Thea...

I hate to admit it... but i'm addicted to Facebook.

Then again, if you think about it, so is everybody. haha!
What can i say, it's entertaining.
It's a good way to keep up with friends.
It's easy to stay in touch and keep up to date with what everyone is doing.
Best of all, it makes for great gossip. For some reason, people like to put all their $#!+ on blast.

I need to get off this computer before i start surfing around again. I feel like i'm on stalker status.
The world is still out there and life moves on... outside of Facebook. Or twitter. Or Myspace. Or Friendster. You get the idea.

Enough

There's nothing heavier than hate in your heart. Let it go already.
People make mistakes. We're all human.
There's a time limit for everything... know when your time is up.
You will get hurt no matter what. Deal with it.
Shit happens. It's a reality we all live with.
Be happy. Life is too short to waste your time being miserable.
Always put yourself first. You know what's best for you.
I will forgive... eventually. But i don't forget. That's just how it is.
Just because someone is very understanding doesn't give you the right to push them over the edge. Don't test them- who do you think you are?

My feathers have been ruffled. My aura has been disheveled. My zen has been misplaced. Enough already. I'm done.

I have things to live for. I have people that matter. I have a reason to get up everyday and i thank the higher beings for everything i've been given.
My life moves on. It's also a very good life.

I'm not dented...

How are you today?

Choose Wisely

I've said it before, i'll say it again- your life is made of phases. The people you choose to surround yourself with make that phase. You are who you are because of who have entered your life, the impression they leave with you, and the experiences you have gone through.
Learn your lessons well, take hits with a grain of salt, cherish the good times, and pick your friends carefully.
Life is too short to put up with unnecessary bullshit.

When red flags are raised in every direction, people are running towards you with worried looks on their faces, hands flailing in the air, warnings are belted out, chances are- there's something wrong.

When people have been down a certain path, the same one in which you are on, when they've turned around, got off it, and tell you not to go down there- i reckon it'd be best you listen to them. Unless they're absolutely crazy, i'm sure your friends mean you no harm and actually have your best interest in mind.

When you're at a buffet, and everybody avoids a certain dish, it's probably not a good idea to go for it. They're avoiding it for a reason.
Your parents mean well when they tell you to avoid that heroin addict in school. That's just what parents do.

Real friends are hard to come by. In today's society, with people so power hungry, career driven, self-sufficient, in a dog-eat-dog world- REAL people are rare, few and far in between. If you're lucky enough to find even ONE... treasure her/him.
They say you are a combination of the 5 people closest to you- choose wisely. This is a reflection of who you are.

I'm grateful for the people who have come and gone in my life... especially the ones who've decided to stay- I would do almost anything for you guys.
I'm thankful for the lessons i was taught growing up... listening to your parents saves you from undergoing a lot of crap.
I'm glad i was brought up to have an open mind, a lot of understanding, and being born under the Cancerian sign, i was cursed to be a loyal friend... i've tolerated a lot of bullshit in my time, but i always come out a better person in the end.
I'm thankful for the very few assholes that have made an appearance in my life... i know exactly what to avoid next time around. Thanks, good bye, and good riddance.
I appreciate the people who have my back, who see me through thick and thin, and will always be all ears when i call in the wee hours of the morning- you guys make me feel like a million bucks. The world is a better place because of you, and life is only more beautiful with you in it.

You only get one shot. You might as well do it right.
Treat your friends well.
Be happy.
Don't be mean- you'll regret it.
Don't tolerate the bullshit.
Quit sweating the small stuff.
Say what you mean and mean what you say... but watch the words that come out of that mouth of yours- be prepared to deal with the consequences.
Confront your fears- you'll find out it wasn't that serious. Being confrontational only makes things clearer.
Don't ever wish anything bad for others- karma is a bitch. Those who deserve it will get theirs in the end.
If you have to part, part in good terms. Regret, tension, hatred, and all that other bad stuff is bad for your soul. You'll age a lot faster too.
Have confidence in your decision and trust that the universe has a way of working things out on its own.
Everything happens for a reason.
Remember- choose wisely.

Crazy/Beautiful

*no, i'm not talking about the movie.

Facts:

There is a fine line between being deeply in love and crossing the brink of insanity.
It has been proven that heartache may be considered to be a probable cause of death.
Majority of suicides/suicide attempts can be linked to heart break.
It has been documented that husbands who kiss their wives in the morning before leaving for work can live up to five years longer than those who don't.
Historically, being in love has been viewed as a mental illness.

***

I have 5 more years to go... am i crazy?
I have so much faith in him... is that beautiful?

For the past year and a half, i have told my story time and time again.
Yes, i'm in a long distance relationship.
No, i didn't believe in it either.
Yes, i'm waiting 5 more years- it used to be 6 though, one year down! *thumbs up*
No, we're not seeing other people.
Yeah, i'm really not gonna be having sex.
No, no visits. We won't see each other at all in the next 5 years.

And i get one of two responses:
a) Wow. Good luck with that. I really hope it works out.
OR
b) Jesus. That's not gonna last.

Most frequently asked questions:
Do you talk everyday?
-Yes.
You must really think he's the one, huh?
-Yup.
You really think you'll be able to hang on?
-That's the plan.
Aren't you worried that you'll waste your youth waiting for him?
-No. It wasn't really a concern til you brought it up. Thanks.
How do you do it?
-With a crazy mind and a lot of love.

Everyone thinks that being in a long distance relationship is something that's up for discussion. You don't see people going up to a couple in a horrid, abusive relationship and voicing out their concerns though. Why is that?

So many people have so little faith in what love could possibly be. True, this might not work out. It's a possibility that i might wait years for nothing. But just because the future isn't written in stone doesn't mean i have to give up now.

You have to understand that my whole life changed when i fell in love with this guy. To think it was something we tried to avoid right from the beginning. I guess that's why they call it "falling" in love. You really just fall into it. I don't think we generally get to pick who it is that manages to sweep us off our feet and turns us head over heels in love.
When you find something good in your life, you keep it. You fight for it. If you think it's worth it, you give it everything you have. That's how important we are to each other.
Of course it gets hard... but the question isn't "Can i really do this?". It's actually, "Is he worth it?"
I had a checklist for my "ideal guy". This list was scrapped when Ian and i got together... because he didn't just meet the standards- he added more onto it.

I might sound like a lovesick moron. But i'm stating my case and these are the facts. Word of advice: never tell someone in a long distance relationship that it's not gonna work out or that they shouldn't be in it. It's not like we haven't weighed out our options. You don't MAKE someone do this- it's a conscious decision. We also don't need your lack of encouragement.
One basic rule applies to all of this- if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

One person's trash is someone else's treasure. His imperfections to someone else might just be the little things i fell in love with. The world is right when i'm with him. And even though we can't physically be together right now, knowing that he is a huge part of my life is still better than not having him in it at all.

We carry on with other priorities in our lives during our time apart. We know that this category is settled though. We focus on different aspects of our lives, and trust that when the time is right, everything will fall into place. Our time spent as each other's friend, confidante, and companion will never be seen as a waste of time. And even after a year and a half without seeing each other, our love is only stronger than it's ever been.

5 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life. Well, given that you live the average life span, anyway. What's a few years? A small sacrifice is well worth it. The most important things in this life are usually earned. Trust. Friendship. Loyalty. Respect. Love.

There is a rare, handful of people that find true love in their lifetime... even less discover that it is, in fact, their one true love. I don't know how that feels and i'm not exactly sure if i would know what it was if it slapped me across the face... but i imagine it can't possibly be far from what it feels like to be with Ian.
i have this unwavering faith in him. I root for him like my life
depended on it. I care for him as if he was a part of me.
When we're together, time stops and the world fades into the background.
I love him because he is my other half.
He brings out the best part of who i am... and i will forever be grateful.
I find myself going through the motions of the day, doing what i have to do, and at the end of it all, realize that every passing moment, is always time that leads me to him.

Ian once told me that what we have made him understand how love was depicted in music and in the movies.
[I should probably stop there and not go any further with quotes from my significant other to avoid bruising the male ego. =p]
But i can assure you that the feelings are mutual.
We have gone through ups and downs, like any normal couple. We've made our compromises and have settled scores many times over. We've seen each other through some of the toughest things in each others' lives. We have a few hurdles to jump over and i'm sure there will be other obstacles in the way- but what couple doesn't, and how does that make us any different?

Not being physically together is tough. It's important, but it's not THE most important thing. If you know you've found someone who understands you, treats you right, loves you for who you are, and is willing to stand by your side always, and helps you become the best you can be- you've already done something right.
People throw sex around. You can't ever say the same thing about Love. The feeling in itself is already sacred as it is.

Being in love with Ian happened so easily.

The world might look at me with raised eyebrows and cynicism in the air, and seeing me, my life, as something absolutely crazy... but what they don't know is, that to me, it's all incredibly beautiful.

And that's all that really matters.

*I love you, Ian Alvarez.

Arbitrary Mind Picks #2

Top 10 facts that are of any concern to me these days:

1) Manila will always be Manila. No matter how long you live here or how long you leave it, it's always gonna be here, and it will always be the same. The buzz of the city is intoxicating and its energy is undeniable. Everything has its pros and cons... but for now, the city, for me, the cons outweigh the pros.

2) I'm happy with the friends that i have chosen to be a part of my life. It's clearer now more than ever. I have no room for excess baggage.

3) I absolutely, without a doubt, love my job.
I need to find work now. haha

4) I've never been this content with my life. For some reason, as soon as the new year began, i had this unwavering faith in life. I had a feeling that everything would be great, and whatever i had a problem with would undoubtedly take care of itself.
I'm having a great time, and i'm all the more happier for it.

5) Summer is coming. It's scary. haha

6) I need to get back on the gym tip. It's no joke. On that note, i need to stick to a diet too. Boo...

7) Dylan doesn't stop talking. haha
He's growing up hella fast... and i'm happy he loves Baguio. Gonna keep him swimming and involved in a ton of activities til we have to leave the city. It's gonna be so much fun. =)

8) Looking forward to moving back home. Everything about it feels like it's the right thing to do.

9) I need to get to Switzerland for Miki's wedding. I have to. I need to find a way. Again, green passport sucks, and boo to me for not keeping up with my bank account. I guess being a "free spirit" got in the way of some things.

[I always thought that if i left my money in the bank, companies would use it for their own benefit and play around with it. I didn't wanna support that. And i think it's true. Too bad bank statements play a huge role in traveling]

10) I need to find a house in Baguio and actually start driving. Ugh.

Reap the fruits of your labor

When i was 3 years old, i wanted to be a professional roller skater. What could be better, right?
Soon after that, i decided that i was gonna ride a BMX for the rest of my life. I couldn't think of anything that could top that.
At the age of 4 i dreamed that one day i was going to dance in front of a large audience and stun them with my grace and talent as a Prima Ballerina. Dancing consumed me and it's the only thing i can remember from that age.
Somewhere around 6 or 7 i was set on being a Nun. I don't remember why, exactly, but the thought of childbirth scared me... being a Nun prevented that, and that reason was good enough for me, i suppose.
When i was 8, my dad built my siblings and i a tree house. It was the best tree house ever, complete with 2 swings and a trapeze that hung from its panels. I claimed the trapeze and not too soon after, i learned all sorts of tricks. This gave me the idea of joining the circus, living a life of fun and entertainment, and i would be a part of the flying trapeze act. The mere thought of it was exciting.
Years after, when i thought i had made more sense, and i thought i knew what i was doing, my ambition focused on becoming a Marine Biologist. A life with the ocean, exploring the depths of the sea and making discoveries on unchartered territory. It was even an excuse i used to allow me to take French in 7th grade as opposed to the mandatory Filipino/Tagalog- i wanted to work with Jacque-Yves Cousteau, my dad told them.

After a little bit more of growing up, i went from Psychologist to Teacher to Bar Tender to Beach Bum. Beach Bum to Professional Dancer, Dancer to DJ, Single Mom/DJ to Interior Designer?

I keep thinking to myself, that along with these odd ambitions and/or "jobs" came a lifestyle. The whole time i was envisioning my future as what it was i was doing for a living, a whole different life came along with it.

Obviously, if i was a professional roller skater, i would be a health freak. I'd have to be in shape. Probably single with no kids. Same goes for the BMX junkie. Besides, living in a "man's world", i'd probably have to work extra hard to up my game. The competitive nature brings that out in me.

If i was a Marine Biologist, i'd have 2 kids and a husband, we'd live on the beach and own our own boat. I didn't care about fancy fur coats or to-die-for stilettos. I lived in board shorts, bikinis, and sun block. My hobbies included smoking a lot of herb and surfing. Also, i never had to go on vacation.

A life being a Nun... i don't even know if i wanna go there. I'm the least religious person i know... i can barely commit to lunch with the girls, i'm expected to commit my entire being to... God? Okay, this is turning controversial.

Moving on...

Follow me.
I see life starting out as a seed (which we were anyway). From that point on it grows... and for as long as it is alive, it grows and expands. Soon, it'll start to branch out (like literally). Now, i see this point of branching out as the "fork in the road". It was either you went left of right. So the lifeline of your tree begins to expand, and this tree being YOU is creating various lives making one parallel universe after the other. Do you see where i'm going with this?

With one experience. one decision made, another branch is created. The entire tree holds the story to your entire life. The what ifs to various situations- it's all there.

The end product of this tree is a flower or a fruit. A tree has more than one flower/fruit. Therefore, your life could have had a million different outcomes, and with that, a million different "forks in the roads". (You know what i mean)
What if you could go back in time and take a different path, make another choice, do something different, or say something you hadn't or vice versa. You'd wind up a whole different fruit... that sounds weird, so i'll just say- you'd wind up a completely different YOU.

For as long as i can remember, i've had a vision of my future one way or another. My future could have gone as far as 24 years old, but it was my future, at that time, nonetheless. We are brought up to believe in ourselves, envision our future, and achieve a certain ambition. We dream of our ideal life and what we'd want to be. We grow up with this thinking that one day, it'll all come true.

For some, they reach a point in their lives where they stop dreaming. Their ambition is blurred, and their ideal future begins to fade. They settle. What happens if you let go of your vision and simply live life as it is presented to you? It's not what you want to do, but it's everything you have to do.

So you do the laundry, you make breakfast, lunch and dinner. You take the kids to school, you pick them up from school, you help with homework and tuck them into bed. You do the groceries, pay the bills, work out a little, and get some paper work done. You surf the net, write your friends, play with the kids, and call your parents. You do some shopping, write in your diary, take a few pictures and organize a birthday party.
Years go by and you realize you've never been farther from what it was you pictured yourself to be 15 years ago as you are now. You look back and see that you got caught up in routine and lived a mediocre life. You did some things great. Others, you could have done better. Think a bit harder, and you start to see the things you only wish you could have done.

So what really happens when you stop dreaming?
Who's to say that the other flower is better than the other?

A Wedding, Unemployment, A Reunion, and then nothing...

"THE" wedding that we've been anticipating for the longest time came and went. It was the busiest week i have ever had in a loooooooong time. The wedding, was, as expected, exquisite to the core and wow, did we all have such a great time.
From this experience, i have learned:

1) I will make sure that i pick my bridesmaids according to how much work they are capable of handling and how they manage with stress. Making sure they're all beautiful is a bonus- it does so well for the pictures (even though that sounds completely shallow... i'm lucky because all my girls are gorgeous anyway).

2) Make sure that you have absolutely nothing planned the day after- because post-wedding can be just as much fun (or even more) as the wedding day itself. And
nothing beats "absolutely nothing"- chill, chill, chill.

3) If the venue is located at a far-off place, all the guests should just never leave. It makes for more fun that way- it sucked seeing all the sober people leave because they were preparing themselves for the 2 hour drive back to the city. =(

4) Lots of alcohol makes for interesting pictures.
What am i talking about? I knew that even before the wedding. haha

5) Threelogy is totally hired and recommended to handle wedding AVPs. WOW.

6) Tug of war is not a good wedding game. haha

7) Secret alcoholic beverage is key. =p

8) Special video presentation from close friend leads to tears and makes for good jokes. haha

[this is turning into inside jokes, i'll stop now]



UNemployment:

This might be the first time in my life since i started working where i'm not stressed out, or in a state of panic over not having any gigs lined up for me. It must be because i know something will come up, eventually, and well, i really needed the vacation.
I love my job and everything that has anything to do with it. Looking for music, digging up lost/forgotten tunes, discovering the new "bangers", laughing over the stupid new singles that come out, late night practice sessions, late night recordings, traveling, entertaining a crowd, drinking on the job (haha) and of course, being able to kick it with my people.
Seriously, what's not to love? I'm no major sensation by any means, and my name isn't recognized when it's put out there... but it's fun, it's gotten me by, it's shown me some serious things i wouldn't have experienced otherwise, and i'm working with something i'm passionate about. Not a lot of people can say that about their work.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones.

So... unemployment turned out to be a breath of fresh air and it came right on time for the big reunion i had to be in Baguio for anyway. Therefore, while i was up there, i didn't have to worry about missing work or think of what i had to catch up on when i got back. Everything played out well and not having a job turned out to be more of a blessing than anything else.



The Reunion:

My school turned 100 years old last week.
The faces i saw, the scenes that played out, and the sounds i heard were things i haven't experienced in over a decade. Insane.
It was absolutely wonderful.
There's something about reconnecting with your past that's so refreshing. Being able to relive your fondest memories, and being reminded of the things that have slipped your mind but are great nonetheless.
It's good to know that some things that you deem important are shared by many others. It wasn't something stupid that only affected you. You weren't alone in the thought. To me, that's pretty damn cool.

My favorite would have to be the canteen (cafeteria) stories. There was a discussion brought up about how the new people working at the new canteen were actually NICE. We had this cranky old woman that used to yell at us or take our orders in the crankiest manner. "o, you?? what you want??" In the best Filipino-English accent you can come up with, whilst pointing her finger at you with a grim look on her face.
She was nice when there were teachers or parents in the vicinity. Other than that, she was just cranky. haha
But we got used to her and even though she carried on with that attitude, the students didn't seem to mind.
Then, a certain point was brought up, "Well, have you seen the new students during break? They line up, and they're actually pretty nice. Remember how we were?"
We only had 20 minutes recess time. The Canteen was a small room with one counter for the food, and another tiny counter for the drinks. 20 minutes. All the students. What did you expect, right?
"MANAAAAAAANG!!! MANANG!!!" Yelling and pushing and money in the air. It wasn't something too far from a scene you would see in the movies... of agents on Wall Street.
"We weren't the greatest kids... i'm sure she was pretty nice before then."

The school has changed a lot since i used to go there.
It's really more beautiful than ever.


...and then NOTHING:

After all the hubbub and excitement i collapsed into a 14 hour REM state. It was incredible. And i woke up with absolutely nothing to do.
At last, there was peace. Not to say that all the excitement was a bad thing... but i guess i'm not as crazy as i used to be and a week long of crazy was all i could really take. I was recharged and ready for what my vacation was supposed to be for- cleansing. haha. In the mental sense, anyway.
I was able to write, watch DVDs, read books, and write some more. I was very happy with my accomplishments, and glad to report that i'm awesome. =p

Looking forward to the daily grind in the city... and just fully amazed that i can actually say i've reached IRIE. well, for now, anyway.

I'm turning 41 in 5 months...

Well, not really... but at the rate we're going, with the days whizzing on by and the months rolling on in the blink of an eye, and the year over as quick as it begun... shit, i might as well be.

I swear i was only 23 a few weeks ago. I still sorta believe i'm 23 years old. haha! I have to remind myself that that was 2 and a half years ago. Some memories are still fresh in my mind. I swear, i feel like i remember last year's New Year party better than i do the one that JUST passed. Strange.

2008 flew by faster than any year i know. I don't understand it. It seems like 2009 is either moving at the same rate... or flying by even faster. January is over???

I'm not writing this complaining about my age. No way. It's not that. I just feel like the days are passing me by and i don't even realize it. I find it hard to grasp. Life really does happen in the blink of an eye. Have i just been too busy to notice? Have i not been living enough? Or have i been living too much?

I can't believe Dylan is turning 5. That's all your fingers in one hand. When did he start growing up? He used to fit in my palm and not walk or talk yet. These days, he's got suggestions on what he wants for breakfast and picks out which pair of shoes he wants to wear with his outfit. He knows where to go at the mall and he doesn't need help eating. He's capable of doing all that on his own. My baby's not a baby anymore. I guess he really hasn't been a baby for a long time now.

My baby brother is 5 inches taller than me. When the hell did that happen? I'm a decade older than him.

Ian and i have spent almost a year and half apart. Before the long distance started, i was worrying about whether or not i'd make it through 6 months... a year would have been miraculous. We planned to be together by 2 years. Now, we're shooting for 5 more years. That's some serious shit. Cake though, right? I mean, it looks like time is on our side. I can get a lot done in 5 years... and so can he.

I used to complain to my mom and ask her why my baby book was never completed. There are dates that aren't filled out. I don't know when exactly i executed all my "firsts", or when my teeth started sprouting and how tall i got at a certain age. She just used to tell me that there was no time for it, or she forgot. Before i had Dylan, i thought it was a load of crap- all you do is watch children, cook, and clean. How hard could that have been??
Oh wow. How SO WRONG was i??? i deserve to be sneered at for that comment. My mom has the right to laugh at me til i no longer exist. Karma is great.
Here i am, years later, with a child of my own. I barely clean (my dad should be laughing his heart out at this moment), i only cook every now and then- nothing close to 3 meals a day, and it doesn't really take that much to look after Dylan. He's pretty good at taking care of himself. Yet, the baby book is incomplete, i've neglected to measure his height every month, and pictures? Hmm... they're somewhere. Haha!
HOnestly, i find it a great & pleasant surprise to find baby pictures wedged into old diaries, planners, and random boxes with other pictures of my "old life", with other stacks of pictures of friends who have come and gone. Nonetheless, i should get to organizing them. No excuse.

Ah, the gift of life.
I remember a time when i used to think that 25 was considered LIGHT YEARS away for me. Those people were old (haha). The farthest i've ever gone to envisioning my future ended at 24. Past that, i had no idea what i was gonna do or what life had in store for me. I'm more of a live-life-a-day-at-a-time chick. I'm turning 26 this year. I can't believe it.
Seriously, where did the years go???

I have a lot in store for me this year. Big changes, HUUUUUUUUUGE. It's scary and exciting at the same time. I really need to brace myself.
I keep putting off things i should be doing to make room for things i HAVE to get done. I just hope i'm making wise decisions.
Time lost is something you can't ever get back.

“How did it get so late so soon?
Its night before its afternoon.
December is here before its June.
My goodness how the time has flewn.
How did it get so late so soon?”
-Dr. Seuss

Who, me???

I just did that 25 Random Things About Yourself on Facebook. It came out from nowhere like a bad case of the chicken pox. Everyone was doing it, and i have to admit, it was very entertaining and a lot of fun to think about 25 things of my own that i'd be willing to share with people.

So i started thinking... is there anything i do that is ME? I wanted to test it out and see how much i could come up with. Obviously, i have nothing better to do with my time.

Let's see...

1. I move my lips when i read to myself.

2. I wiggle my toes when i think.

3. I sleep with a "house" (as Ian calls it). I have this formula for when i sleep. I need, absolutely NEED, 3 pillows. One for my head, and one on either side of me. It's a must. It's the only way i sleep good at night. If i'm given only one pillow (like at hotels), and another one is not available, no matter what i do... i use my sweater as a pillow, the actual pillow on my left side, and i scrunch up the blanket and tuck it behind me on my right.

4. I'm not messy... it's organized clutter. I know where everything is. You clean it up and move everything around... and i can't find something- THEN it turns into a mess.

5. If i really really like the book i'm reading, no matter how thick it is, i'll finish it in one go.

6. Don't ever wake me up when completely unnecessary (necessary means emergency... anything OTHER than that- UNNECESSARY).

7. Don't talk to me when i'm watching TV. If i miss a vital part and you can't tell me what it was... it'll be the end of you. Just kidding. I'll get pretty upset, but i won't tell you.

8. I'm anti-confrontational. I don't like being the bearer of bad news. I don't like yelling at people. I'm not one to complain either. It's not a good thing at all.

9. I dance when i hear music. I dance when i'm happy. I dance to keep myself preoccupied. I dance when i like what i'm eating. I dance while i'm waiting. I like to dance.

10. They say you get your stripper name by putting your first pet's name with your first street address name. In that case, my stripper name is Chuchi Chuntug. [choo-chee choon-toog]

11. When i was young i wanted to join the circus and be that chick on the flying trapeze. Either that or become a nun- so i'd never have to endure the pain of childbirth. I was 6 or 7 i think.

12. I used to do all the "bad things" as a kid- break things, write on walls, scratch the walls, misplace things, mess up someone else's things... and i always blamed it on my brother. I usually got away with it. My parents didn't figure it out until we were almost in our 20's.

13. I can ride a horse without a saddle on. I don't know if that's hard, but i think that's pretty hardcore

14. I can pick things up with my toes. I can also move JUST my little toe. It's muscle manipulation... i think that's hard. My dad's impressed. I think Dylan has it too. Most people think that's weird.

15. I point with my lips sometimes. That's sooooooooo Filipino. haha

16. I tell myself a story or think of an alternate universe where i'm someone else... to get myself to fall asleep.

17. I cry at weddings. Even when i don't know the couple who got married.

18. I feel like something is missing when i don't have bangles on. I always have to have something on my arms/wrists.

19. I cry when i'm angry.

20. I've always wanted to wait on the side of the street with a stick and wait for someone to come rolling along on a bike... and when they pass by, i'd wedge the stick into their wheel. I'd never do it, of course. But that thought always passes through my head when i see someone on a bike pass me. If you see me smiling to myself, that's most probably what i'm thinking.

21. I secretly wanna shove people out of the way when they're walking too slow. I don't care how old they are. They should walk on the side.

22. I've owned a diary since before i can even remember. Maybe 7 or 8. I have snippets of my life written down somewhere. It's entertaining to read them and look back years and years later.

23. I believe Bob Marley was onto something.

24. I don't like beans and i can't eat peas. If i find them in my food, they turn into a small pile on the side of my plate. I'll avoid eating them as much as i can.

25. I remember birthdays. I always have. If you're important to me, most likely i know when your birthday is, and you'll hear from me when that day comes.

That wasn't too bad.
Dylan's in need of a bath and has to retire into bed.
It feels good to write again.. even though it's silly little nothings. haha

Kaun na ka

The 2 weekends i was in Butuan, i felt like all i did was eat & play music.

When i wasn't eating, i was alone, so i found myself saying random things to myself or blurting out nonsense every now and then. I just wanted to make sure my voice was still there.

There were 3 weddings held at the hotel out of the 4 days i was there. I'm hoping to God that I will never have to wear a bridesmaids dress that looks like any of them.

DVD's make time fly by like nothing.

My hosts and whoever they were with, spoke in their native dialect everywhere we went and only spoke in Tagalog when speaking directly to me. I didn't understand most of their conversations, but i caught on with some. I don't quite understand why they did that.

I think Butuan should be called the "Red Horse Drinkers Capital of the Philippines". Even chicks down them. Crazy.

I can't ever be famous. Ever. I don't like the attention. I hate taking pictures. When people scream my name, i get more angry/embarrassed than i do flattered.

I think God gave me Dylan so that i never have to be alone. I need human contact. Peace & quiet can drive me up the walls.

I will never again show up for a flight at the bare minimum of 45 minutes pre-departure. I HATE the B seat. I NEED to sit next to the window.
And i don't understand why people get up AS SOON as they hear that the plane is now boarding passengers- we already got our boarding passes... the plane isn't going to leave without us! Same thing goes for when the plane stops... why do people rush to get up all of a sudden? We're all gonna get off no matter what.
Also, what's up with people turning on their phones and unbuckling their seat belts just as the flight attendant is announcing for you to do otherwise?
*hay naku* Mga Pilipino talaga. Magpakita kayo ng pagbabago, bigyan niyo'ko ng pagasa.

Airport taxis scream out EXTORTION.

Terminal fee is 200 pesos for domestic flights. WHY?
If you carry a Filipino passport, you pay over a 1000 pesos for International Flights. WHY?

I cannot believe you have to pay for your own snack on a Cebu Pacific flight. They sell souvenirs too??? crazy...

Our country is HUGE... and oh-so beautiful. IF only we could do all the right things with it. IF ONLY.

Sandman... bring me a dream

Insomnia sucks.

It's hard for me too since i work at night (and being a DJ consists of working til the wee hours of the morning), and i have to be up in the morning to take Dylan to school.
It's a hectic schedule, but i guess you do what you have to do.

I can't wait til i get the full 8 hours of sleep... that's all i want right now. Uninterrupted, deep REM, full on SLEEP.

Being delirious is the same thing as being drunk... so basically, i've been drunk everyday this week (or last week). LOL

*ugh

Here we go again...

New Year take 26... and GO!

Another new year, another fresh start, more chances, more opportunities, and a lot more screw ups coming your way. Isn't that nice?

I have a good feeling about this year (apparently, a lot of people do)... and i dare not say anything more, god-forbid i jinx it.

Love all around. God Speed. and Good Luck.