Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Climb that Hill

I figured, the best time to do anything you don't want to do but you have to do it is when you really don't wanna do it. Because you feel way better afterwards, and it makes the challenge just THAT MUCH MORE of a feat.
It's a jedi mind trick. Try it out.
Gimme a second and lemme just think if that applies to everything...

Monday, June 29, 2009

and i see the CHanges

We're past the middle mark of 2009. The years just go by faster the older you get... but the days sure do linger sometimes.

Time is such a crazy thing. We all know it's constant and it never changes its pace, but there are times where the day either went by too fast or it just took forever to be over.
Life changes right before your very eyes and you don't even realize it until it's done.

  • I can't believe i have a 5 year old son. I feel like he was a baby just a few months ago.
  • I can't believe i haven't seen Ian in 15 months.
  • It's unbelievable to see the kids of my closest girlfriends all grown up... i never even got to meet them (with a few exceptions) as babies.
  • I've been living in Manila for 10 years. Wow. I did a lot of growing up here. I can barely feel the years though.
  • I've been a DJ for 8 years... and i'm about to give it up. I'm so nervous.
  • My Dad has white hair. It was still black when we moved here.
  • My "little" brother is well over 5 inches taller than me. When the hell did that happen?
  • My sister doesn't even live in Manila anymore.
  • I'm turning 26 years old in a few days. Holy hell...
  • Michael Jackson just passed away.
  • The President of the United States is Black.
  • My son watches his cartoons off Youtube on the internet.
  • I own more than 1 dress. I never thought that would ever happen.
  • I'm friends with some people i thought i would never be close to... and i've had a falling out with someone i thought i would know forever. Life plays such silly games.
  • Right next door, where a condemned building stood for the last 10 years has now turned into an empty lot.
  • The top bunk where i used to sleep before Dylan was born has slowly transformed into a make-shift closet where majority of my clothes sit. Strange... but convenient.
  • A room that my sister and i shared for as long as i can remember has turned into my closet/work space.
  • I HAVE to work out and maintain a proper diet to fit into my clothes... i never thought THAT would happen.
  • I've branched out into different genres of music. I'm no longer the ignorant teenager that always claimed to listen to only "hiphop" (if i even really knew what that was back in the day).
  • My hair has 6 different visible colors. To think that i once told myself that i would never dye my hair.
  • My friends are having kids and getting married. Whoa.
  • I haven't played a sport in 9 years. =(
  • I've spoken of marriage and children more in the past year than i ever have my whole life. Seriously speaking too.
  • I'm in a long distance relationship... and i vowed i would never commit to one... ever. Look at what Love does.
Well, only bigger changes are coming.
I'm gonna wake up one day and Dylan's gonna ask me if i can buy him a car for his birthday. Oh no...

Friday, June 26, 2009

My ABC's

So much talent in one person. A blessed but complicated life in the public eye. An inspiration to many, a mover, innovator, and music icon.
He made a legend of himself and his music will undoubtedly live on forever. He was a musical genius, an extraordinary artist and contributor to the world.

Who hasn't had fun dancing to one of his tunes at the club? Almost every legendary night i remember includes dancing to a Michael Jackson hit. As an 80's child, i grew up listening to his music and watching his videos.

Every club DJ around the globe will be playing one of his hits tonight and everyone who hears it will scream. That is the impact he left on the world.

I don't know what to say.
R.I.P. Michael Jackson.
You will be sorely missed.

Oh Lego

Lego Album Covers?

By far, my favorite toy ever invented.
I love the ingenuity of Lego.
I'll admit some of them could have been better but personally, i got a kick out of this. LOL

[Src: formatmag.com]

Iconic Angel

After fighting a long and very public battle with cancer, Farrah Fawcett has died at the age of 62. Best known for her role in the original Charlie's Angels, she has been an icon throughout the years.

From pin-up girl to pop culture icon, she was the "it" girl for generations.
The feathered-hair blond from Texas with that Megawatt of a smile, she worked her way to the top.
GQ Magazine dubs her photos as "the most influential piece of men's art in the last 50 years".

I really thought she was gonna make it...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Which Way is HOme?

*Let the countdown begin...

For the next few weeks until everything is ready and finalized, this is where majority of my focus will be- my homecoming.
As i've mentioned before, there are mixed feelings. As i've ALSO mentioned before- my mind has already been made up. The only thing that i have to deal with is putting my emotions aside.

In 1999, my Dad decided he was gonna up and move the whole family from the mountains all the way down to the big city. My life as i knew it, slapped me in the face, and ceased to exist. I left all my friends, left a school that i absolutely loved, and a place that i've forever known as my home. It was for our growth. He had his children in mind.
We moved here on June 5, 1999.
Ten years later, i've decided to leave all my friends, leave a job that i absolutely love, and a place that i've come to know as my home. I've made this decision with Dylan in mind.
Who knew?

Thinking about all of this and telling myself, "I'm going back home." gives me butterflies in my stomach. It's like getting ready for that first date and wondering if everything will go smoothly, if all your expectations will be met, and feeling the nerves that attack you with fear that you're making a terrible mistake. So you take one good look at yourself in the mirror, you smoothen out your hair, and tell yourself, "What could possibly go wrong? K, Let's do this."
I don't know if that's what other people say when they're ready to go out on that first date, and i haven't gone on one in years so i'm not even sure if i, myself, say that... but it sounds about right.

Baguio was a good home for me to grow up in.
Manila served as a great home for me to learn in.

But it's time for the next phase.
Yes, i'm leaving the crazy Night Life for the simplicity of Domesticity. Will elaborate on this issue soon...
Perhaps it's Baguio's turn to teach me another thing or two.

I have 5 weekends left in the city...
So, what's a girl to do? Aside from pack, that is.

I'm listening to:

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Nothing gets me better than a good photograph. Be it a simple portrait or something done up for a conceptual piece, i like appreciating a good picture. I did a bit of browsing to pass some time and came across a few i thought were pretty interesting.

my definition of "Heaven" right about now


And then there are the strange, epic ones that are actually set up for real in real life and you can't help but snap away at it.


And then there's my favorite medium- Advertising. It never ceases to amaze me how creative and eye-catching these things can be... and also how, well, some people just don't get it.


Take any interesting pictures lately?
[sources: Deviant Art * TheChive.com * Google * The Cool Hunter ]

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Arbitrary Mind Picks #10

1) I'm holding auditions for a movie buddy. Transformer's is coming out and i need someone to go watch it with. Do i have volunteers for a date? On second thought, I should post this up on Facebook...
[This is what happens when all your friends are in a relationship, and your siblings are too eager to see the movie they won't wait for you. *hmpf*]
Do i need to make more friends?

2) I'm going through an instant noodles phase. No bueno.

3) There's this Japanese restaurant i wanna go eat at. Again, no eating buddy. Wow, i seriously need to make more friends.

4) My birthday is coming up. I don't wanna drink that much. It's also gonna be my last birthday as a resident of Manila. Hmm... what to do?

5) I miss my boyfriend.

I'm getting nervous about packing up and leaving the city. I dunno if it's excitement or anxiety. I find that this feeling i get changes slightly the closer the departure date draws. I guess i'm nervously excited.
I'm gonna miss my job and the friends i've made... but i'm ready for change and i'm more than down for a steadier pace. Dylan needs this and i know i'm making the right decision. I've been getting a lot of pressure both from the career point of view and from a friend's perspective- everybody trying to convince me to stay. As appreciated as it makes me feel and as excited as i am for their future... i already know what lies in the horizon for mine.

Yes, i'm leaving the Party Scene and the chaotic Night Life for a steady, kind of domestic sort of living. My life is important, my career is important... but Dylan is more important than either of that, and i will always stand by this.

I am craving for all kinds of food to tantalize my palate from every corner of the city. If there's anything i'll miss from the busy buzz of this place- it's gotta be the food. Lately, i've been so desperate to eat at all my favorite places... to no avail because, well... i can't stand to eat alone. I'm the only person i know who has a 5 day break during the week so it's kind of hard to convince everybody to drop what they're doing and entertain my obese hobby.
However, before i leave, i will find a way to do it... even if i have to drag Dylan all over the metro with me just for the sake of keeping me company while i stuff myself silly.

I was supposed to go to the beach this week, but that's been postponed. All good because i could use another week at the gym. LOL
It's Tuesday... i think today calls for a coffee session at our favorite Starbucks branch.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm His #1 Fan

"Any man can be a father... but it takes a special person to be a Dad." -Proverb Quotes

I grew up with the notion that my dad had the answers for everything. Sometimes, i still think he does.
I went through a (teenage) phase where i did think he was old-fashioned, and i never wanted him to talk to any of my friends. Imagine the horror when he was PTA president at my school and he had to give lectures for assembly... only to my surprise- all the other students thought he was cool. So in actuality, i went through a phase where i was a complete idiot.
Growing up, my dad made sure that we had everything we needed and more. He would pick the shoes that would last a lifetime and i'd insist on the plastic ones that would last less than a month. We wanted to camp out in the backyard, and one day, he decided he was gonna build us a tree house. We wanted to ride our bikes in the backyard, he made us a track- complete with dirt ramps and everything. If we wanted to roast marshmallows on a campfire, he would build us one... even if it was only in our fireplace.
He was such a huge factor as to why growing up was so much fun. I will always be so grateful for that.

He told us stories and jokes all through the night if there was a blackout.
He took us camping, spelunking and hiking. We'd visit caves and rivers up in the mountains. He would take us to the beach for family getaways. All of this was a constant growing up.
He would drive like a maniac to make sure we squeezed onto each other and press up to the sides of the car, and as my mom would scream in the passenger seat, we would only yell for him to go faster. He wouldn't slow down until we hit the lowland. He's still the best driver i know.
He got me into riding horses and bought me a tennis racket when i was 7 to encourage me to play. I never got into tennis, but i named my dog Gabriella (after Gabriella Sabatini).
He made me think i was independent at such a young age... but i think he kept an eye on me, i just didn't know it.
When i started going out on my own, before i left the house he would always tell me, "Run away from trouble... run as fast as you can". Haha. He still says that sometimes.
When i was of age, he started telling me stories of his crazy experiences as a teenager/young adult. I told myself that i would make it a point to make my life interesting just so i could have stories to tell my own kids- stories that were just as good, if not better.

My Dad is Dylan's favorite person. I don't blame him, of course. I already know why. =)
I'm so happy that my dad gets to be a huge part of Dylan's life. I couldn't have picked a better role model.

For everything he has given me and the life that i had because of him- i will forever be his #1 fan. He lived for his kids and raised us with so much love and devotion.
He has the knack for always being right. I guess it comes with age... or um... i mean, wisdom. Taking his advice to heart has only made me better and has only brought good things to my life.
It's always good to know that he still knows what he's talking about... =p haha

I count my blessings because i know there are millions and millions of kids out there who can only dream and wish that they had a Dad like mine.
I can only aspire to be as great a parent as he is, and hope i raise my kids as wonderfully as he has...

Happy Dad's Day Daddy.
I love you. =)

Martinis, Work, & a Surprise.

The weekend has passed, and again, it was another string of non-stop hullabaloo.

I was invited to head out on Thursday because a friend of mine was working at a new spot that just opened, Aquaknox, and i promised i would go. It was Martini night. Drink all you can for P599 before midnight. We got there at 10:45ish. We sat down and quickly looked through the menu. There were 8 martinis and the guys calculated that if they were to try all the martinis the place had to offer, we had to guzzle down a drink and have another one at hand every 10 minutes. Elroy even set an alarm to go off on his phone. It sounded feasible... at first.

The drinks at that place were strong. And this is me saying they're strong. At least you get your money's worth, right?
I should have stuck with Lychee Martinis all night. The Appletini was good and the Cosmo was alright. A few of the others i could have passed on though.
Bottom line- mission accomplished +1.
8 rounds and an extra one of your choice.
Conclusion: Mayhem

When it hit midnight, the guys started buying beer and i was just chilling. We headed over to Tabu afterwards, knocked back a few more drinks, took some ridiculous photos, and headed over to Rufo's to eat.
After our little drunken feast, my vodka-wreaking self made my way safely home.

Hello hangover.

I headed over to our favorite Starbucks branch and ordered myself a coffee and a sandwich.
Reena got there with all the materials and we immediately got to work.
We made a card/wall for our girl's birthday party. We were done in a little over 2 hours.

Afterwards, we tried to get a few crossword puzzles done, had a bit of girl talk and it was off to work i went.

NO alcohol. The night was spent hydrating myself. I was so hungover from the night before, i couldn't even stand the smell of Vodka. Also, i wanted to make sure that i'd be in good shape for the events that were to unfold the following day because i knew i had a lot to do...

I played a 3 hour set- that of which a late crowd came through and when they were having a great time towards the end, my retirement was met with boos and random strangers coming up to me asking me to play for longer.
Uh... i played for 3 hours. I think i'm okay...
They really don't understand what it's like to be a DJ. Then again, how could they? I guess i don't really expect them to.
I was pleased with my set though, so it was a night well-worth it.

Early knock out will give me a total of 7 hours of sleep.
I get home and pass out due to exhaustion.

I get up, squeeze in a session to talk to Ian, got ready, and started the day.

Groceries * Cake * Noodles * Small lunch * SET UP *

I had to blow up over a hundred balloons. Let me rephrase that- i had to blow up a hundred balloons, tie them, put up with it blowing up in my face every now and then, and endured torture from the pain that came from tying the knot. The only good thing that came from it was that they were pretty... and i got to squeeze in an arm work out handling the pump. haha
We created a Balloon Chandelier, decorated the space, set up the food/drinks/ice/appetizers/cups/spoons/forks/napkins/plates, set up the wall we had made the day before, and then change and get ready.The surprise went beautifully. Everyone had a great time and i was happy that it turned out to be a successful party. =) Yay!

We made our way to the club (which is a completely different story), but after all the commotion, the night ended with a handful of bad situations, a sobering moment, a few arguments, and an arguer taking off with my bag still in his car.

My keys and my money were in there.
I got a ride home and i had to ring my dad's phone to come down and open the door for me.
HaPpY DaDdy's Day, Dad. =) I love you.

I can't wait for the beach. This week is gonna be awesome.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


*Dylan @ 4 years old. *me @ 4 years old.

Forgive & Forget... and then what?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

Many people view forgiveness as a noble act of kindness, somewhat of an offshoot of love even- it is a gift that you consciously give freely to those who have hurt you.
However, it's easier said than done. Forgiving, in itself, is awfully difficult. Everyone says it can be done until they are faced with a situation whereas they themselves have to do the Forgiving.

Forgetting is just unrealistic.
Despite the famous cliche line, "Forgive & Forget", everyone finds that forgetting is nearly impossible.
Forgiveness doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with forgetting. Forgiveness is remembering graciously- we remember the truth, no matter how painful, but without the anger and hatred. The feeling of hurt has passed. It's a genuine, heartfelt release of resentment.

I, for one, am a very ardent believer in Forgiveness. I have done a lot of stupid things in my life where it was necessary to confront someone and ask for their forgiveness. I've had some terrible things done to me where, in turn, i had to be the one to offer my forgiveness.
It's a lot easier to be on the giving side, i'll tell you that.
And it's a load off your back when you realize that you can actually do it. Anger and resentment are 2 of the heaviest loads that nobody should insist on carrying around. It breaks you and it changes you, and it will eat you up inside.

So, in essence, this is for everyone's emotional well-being. The forgiver finds it easier to go about life having the opportunity to let go of all that emotional baggage. The forgiven is relieved that the wrongdoing has passed and that his/her conscience is finally clear.

Should the line go, "Forgive, Forget, & Move On"?
What happens after that? Do they go their separate ways, never see each other again, or co-exist in harmony? Does everything go back to the way it was pre-drama?
Is it simply enough for all the emotional tension to be smoothened out?

I'm sure there's a hierarchy of fucked-upedness as to where there are underlying rules. I mean there's a huge difference from stealing someone's eraser in 5th grade as opposed to sleeping with someone's husband at the age of 32.
Some things are easier to get over than others. That's understandable.

According to medical research, Forgiveness can also bring enormous benefits. If you can bring yourself to forgive and forget, you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress hormones circulating in your blood. Back pain, stomach problems, and headaches may disappear. You'll also reduce the anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, and other negative emotions that accompany the failure to forgive.

If only things were as easy as it is read or heard.
I know i have the capability of forgiving... and i've done that. But forgetting is impossible... so now what?

[to be continued...]

The Time Traveler's Wife

Hands down, my favorite book of all time. I finished it in 2 reads and i highly recommend it.
It was introduced to me by a really good friend of mine, Cynthia. She said it was a book that gave her standards with what it was like to be in love.
She handed it to me a week after Ian had left for the States. It was the beginning of this Long Distance shebang. My world had just shifted and i was getting used to a place where the love of my life no longer existed. It was tough.
The book couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

The waiting. The longing. The dreams. The worries.
I could relate to practically everything in that book. It gave me hope upon embarking on this journey of love in its simplest form. Because when you're in something like this, sometimes, knowing that you love each other and trust that everything will work out should be good enough.

I've read it three times. A movie was supposed to come out in 2007. It didn't. Rumors came out that it would be out by December of 2008. Again, that didn't happen. This time, the full trailer is out... and it will be in theaters this coming August.
I cannot wait.
I hope to God it doesn't disappoint.
I introduced it to a group when i was part of a book club not long ago. I got mixed reviews, of course. Everybody's entitled to their own opinion. I have no quarries with that.
Personally, i fell in love with the characters, and the book was an absolute page-turner. I could read it right now.

The book is written by Audrey Niffeneger, published in 2003.
The movie is due to hit theaters on August 14. Directed by Robert Schwentke, starring Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana.
Wanna see the trailer?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


Perfect day to be at home just lounging. Big, fat raindrops are falling from the sky outside.
I decided to go on the internet and look for anything fun. I came across a very interesting commercial that i absolutely love.

It was introduced to me by Ian 4 years ago. As soon as it was done, it became my favorite commercial ever made. A few others have made it pretty close, but i think it's safe to say that it's the most genius thing i have ever laid eyes on.

Absolutely FRESH.

It is very important that you understand:
No computer graphics or digital tricks have been used in the making of this film. Everything shown happened in real time, exactly as you see it.

It took 606 takes to get it right.
The other 605 times, something minor would go wrong, they would set it up all over again and start from the beginning.

Shooting was done night and day. Including the full engineering of the sequence, it took 3 months to complete the project... and 6 million dollars.

2 Honda Accords were disassembled by the Filmmakers to produce this film. That's 2 HAND MADE Accords- 2 out of which there are ONLY 6 in the world. Everything in the film (aside from the wall, floor, ramp & complete Honda Accord) are from those 2 cars.

GENIUS. i love it.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just the 2 of Us

Kicked it with Dylan at the mall today. He was so psyched about grabbing a new train (or 3). He's been a really good kid all week. He's set on completing this collection. I wonder how long this phase is gonna last for.

Sunday is prioritized to be Dylan Day. It's family day for most people and for some reason, out of my surreal schedule and whacked out sense for time, it's the only thing that i would consider "normal" to us. We don't really run by a normal schedule, we don't live in a normal household, we certainly don't have a normal set up at home... but Sunday is turning into somewhat of a routine/tradition. I like it.

Walking around, i realized that there are 2 major categories that fill the Sunday afternoon population- 1) Families; or 2) Couples.
That's it.
Neither of which i belong to at the moment.
I see families sitting down for meals or shopping for random whatevers, and it's a full blown family- Dad, Mom, & Kids. Both parents share the responsibility with their children. I observe their interactions.

It's different when you're doing it on your own. You have to play Good Cop and Bad Cop at the same time- sometimes it's very schizophrenic-ish. You lay down the rules but you reward them just the same. You put em to bed on time and on other nights, you let em stay up a little later. He has to eat all his dinner, but he can also have cookies 5 minutes before he sleeps. You turn off the DVD player because he's been sitting in front of it for over 2 hours; other days, he can watch all the DVDs he wants. He can't buy anything at the store today; the following week you spoil him by allowing him to pick 3 trains instead of 1.

In the Philippines, it's very common to hire a Nanny or Yaya (as we'd like to call them). I never believed in this system. I've seen too many "hidden tapes" nightmares, heard too many stories about abusive help, and seen quite a few of these incidents live to ever want to risk it. And even though i do believe that seeking for help is normal and sometimes very much needed, i don't think i'd want someone else having the responsibility of "taking care" of my child. It might work perfectly for others, but it's definitely not for me.

When Dylan was younger, taking him to Kiddie parties used to be hectic. Packing his bag, making sure to bring everything he needed, making sure he napped right before we left as to avoid being cranky, going to the bathroom so he wouldn't have to do it there, etc.
I realized, at these functions, that parenting did require a 2-person team, and noticed all too quickly why they all had hired help. If you ever want to converse and catch up with other people in your social circle during these events you're gonna need a substitute... or your clone.
With a kid that just recently learned how to be mobile- there is no chance he's sitting still. So you're constantly running after em, making sure he doesn't climb stairs, or hit his face on the coffee table. You wanna make sure he doesn't put any foreign objects in his mouth or run outside and fall off the balcony. The work is constant. You don't get to eat and the rest doesn't come until the little one dozes off in the car on the way home.
I was always the anti-social one that followed her own kid everywhere at the party. I barely ever got to squeeze in a normal conversation, and even if i did, my attention span was shot because majority of my focus would be on what my hyper toddler was up to.
Everybody else got a time-out. I was playing the role of 2 parents.

The decision to raise Dylan as a single parent wasn't an easy one, by any means. It helped a lot knowing that i had the support of my family and who would i trust more than my own blood to look after my child, right? But i knew i had a responsibility and even though the pressure was alleviated a little bit, it still changed my whole life and i'm a parent regardless. The role still stands and the pressure to "do everything right" was still there (and still is).

I get worried, i'm tired a lot, i stay up through sleepless, feverish nights, i take all the hurtful words he'll throw at me when he's mad, i clean his scrapes and cuts when he's had an accident, i have to ease the sorrow when he cries over something, and i take the headache and a half when he's being difficult. That is what a parent does.
But i also get to experience all the funny things he does or says, i get to appreciate his performances when he wants to show me something, i am the receiver of numerous hugs, kisses, and i love you's, and i'm blessed with his pleasant presence and glorious character.
He will sit next to me quietly when he knows i'm sad, he'll laugh with me when i find something funny, and he will fight for me (be it some man 6x his size) if he knows i'm being hurt or if i'm in trouble.

This kid is the love of my life and seriously the best thing that's ever happened to me. If anything good came out of that last relationship i had, it was him. I don't remember much about what life was like before he existed... i imagine it didn't mean as much anyway.

I can't stand being by myself. I figure that's why Dylan came into my life. It hasn't always been easy, but i would choose this path in a heartbeat had i been given another chance to pick.
I truly didn't know how intense love could possibly be until i met him. This is a soul i will fight for, vie for and die for. He has only brought good things to my life, and for that, i owe him the world.

Just the 2 of us.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Arbitrary Mind Picks #9

Just a thought:

1) i bet if zombies started taking over the city (like in 28 Days Later or I Am Legend), a kid from Tondo will easily outlive some kid from Dasma. For sure.
Me? I would be one of the first to go. I would definitely try to survive, of course. Especially since i have Dylan. Hmm... maybe my protective maternal instinct will kick in and i would survive after all. I don't know...

2) i hate mosquitoes. They can all die. Do they serve a useful purpose? They're not just part of the food chain. I mean, lizards and spiders can eat ants. They're less annoying.

3) a good work out usually leads me to craving (and then giving in to) really good food that's bad for you. I'm hopeless.

4) why are people at the gym so serious? Straight faces & empty stares. I know over half of em don't even wanna be there to begin with... but i wish the crowd would liven up a bit.
As a contribution to this idea, i have put it upon myself to burst out in random strange dance for 4 seconds at random intervals. The stranger the dance, the better. I also skip from one area to the other (ie: the treadmill station to the water station to the stretching area). Recently, i fell off a workout ball... i'm sure it served quite a bit of entertainment for other people, BUT not as much as it amused me. I didn't even think it was possible.
I'm still waiting for the day i can run into the aerobics room and do a full-blown choreographed dance. That will be awesome. I have a month and a half left in Manila... maybe on my last day there. haha!

5) When i catch people staring at me, i start to pretend like i'm whistling. I have no idea why i do that.

6) I am weaksauce. I can't drink anymore. Partly because i also refuse to. No more alcohol. My body hates me.

7) I don't understand certain people's incapability of learning from their mistakes. When people are upset because you say stupid things... don't try to make up for it by saying MORE stupid things. Hopeless. *shaking head*

8) I am amazed at how my 5 year old can navigate his way through the world wide web. I've seen on the Discovery Channel that kids these days even start at a younger age! Insane.
Today, Dylan got mad because i wouldn't let him use my computer. He said he didn't love me. That was the first time he took a shot at hurting my feelings. Ah, kids. Aaaaaaaaand it begins...

9) I refuse to miss Transformers in the Theater. I'm placing an ad on here:
Wanted Movie Buddy
age: 21-37
height: n/a
weight: n/a
Must stay silent throughout the whole movie but have awesome feedback when the movie is done. Should not hog the arm rest and also eat food quietly.
That is all.

10) I am really really looking forward to a good night tonight! I can't wait!

Friday, June 12, 2009


My worst nightmare would be to wake up and realize that i was just like everyone else...

Because if you really stayed true to everything you believed in, you'd be your own, personal, unique, YOU. And no matter what anyone says, that's still better than moving along with the herd.

It's Philippine Independence Day. Go celebrate your independence.
Holy Hell, thank God it's Friday.

[credit: Photographs from Deviant Art]

Araw ng Kalayaan

111 years of Philippine Independence.

But what does that really mean?
The Spaniards, the Americans, and the Japanese have all left well enough alone, sure. However, rule under one's own corrupt government isn't exactly Freedom neither. Is it?

I have a love-hate relationship with the motherland. I'm sure if you've read enough of my stories, you'd be able to tell. I honestly believe this place has the capability and potential to become a great nation as a whole... but there are so many factors that contribute to the hindrance of its own success and growth.

On the daily, majority of our people concentrate more on how to get out as opposed to how to make things work over here. Leaving is an easier solution rather than having to deal with the problem and suffer while you try to cope. I don't blame them.
The last few times i have traveled out of the Philippines, i would always (always) run into hoards of Filipinos at that foreign country. They know the local language, they've adapted to making that city their home, but they always tell me how they miss being with their own people in their own land. These are the full-blown Pinoys that are out there trying to make a living because their own country isn't providing for them.

As i walk home from the mall, i will pass by at least 7 homeless people sitting on the pavement or lying lifelessly on the ground with their hands held out. Some of them will be carrying infants. Nobody will help them. This is their life here, and that's what it's always been. That's a really long time to be suffering.
When i take a cab heading towards Makati, i will see a river filled with garbage, houses made of cardboard and tin stacked to at least 3 stories high (and those are the little ones), and children begging on the streets- knocking on windows, selling flowers, or selling rags. Some Barangays (communities) have put it upon themselves to transform certain sidewalks into their very own patio. That is where they sit and talk to neighbors. As normal as they look, even with smiles on their faces, life is undoubtedly hard.

Who is supposed to help them?

You travel to the outskirts of Manila and the culture shock will be just that- shocking. Slums that go beyond your view, stacks and stacks of these flimsy, make-shift homes that make you wonder, "Just how far back do these things go??". The stench that they've gotten used to, the garbage that have become a natural part of their land, and the idea that this IS what life is...

"Ganito talaga ang buhay ng pang masang Pilipino... mahirap.", a cab driver said to me once.
(This is the life of a common Filipino... hard.)
I was saddened by this statement.
I refuse to believe that this is what defines us.

Some Filipinos who have migrated to another country and have raised their kids there, after some time, turn on the Philippines. They are the ignorant ones who dare not see the beauty of our people and this country. Their kids grow up thinking that this is a dangerous place and everything Filipino-related is... not cool. Don't even think to shoot me dagger looks because this is very true. Besides, i didn't say all... i said "some".
Sure, some of them i can't blame. They grew up watching their parents work their way throughout their entire lives (and i really do mean their entire lives) , and i'm talking hardcore manual labor. They would then sit at the dinner table and listen to their parents talk about how this country does nothing for them and that "America" holds the key to all your dreams. Understandable.

On the opposite end of the stick we have the gorgeous places where tourists reside and the rich and powerful are oblivious to all the hardship and suffering that is going on around them. You see places like Rockwell, the condominiums at The Fort, The Villages of Makati, etc.
Living there, you would never even think that only a few streets away, an entire family could be living off the money you just spent to buy those shoes next to your bed or that shirt you have on. It's the harsh reality of it all.
You would never even stop to think that your bathroom is the normal size of someone's man-made home built to house 6 people.
The Philippines is great when you're a person of important stature. Hell, all you really need is a wad of cash and you're good to go. Having money makes life better here. You don't see what's really going on and the truth is- you don't have to.

With all the problems this country is facing- poverty, financial crisis, overpopulation, pollution, corruption, starvation, etc. It's hard to see past that and see all the good it has to offer.
The traffic is ridiculous and nobody abides by the laws. Piracy is a way of life and you can never really tell if authorities are there to scam you or help you. It's one or the other and you always have to give it a shot.

Yes, the Philippines is rich with natural resources, gorgeous beaches, beautiful forestry, and awesome shopping. It's a great place to be- under the right circumstances, of course. Balikbayans often greet their stay with carefree glee, overspending, and obnoxious cheer. Whereas, the locals... well, we know all too well what goes on in this humble archipelago of ours. It be wiser to save your cash, spend it on the right things, don't be too loud lest you upset some politician's kid, and even though staring happens way too often over here- mind your own business.

This post is turning into some sort of sarcastic babble. What i started with the intentions of mouthing off about our government and of our freedom turned into a rant session about the country in general.
Just let me make a few things clear:

If you ask me, i would think that being governed by a foreign country who's main interest is to improve this nation is more respectable as opposed to some local with the horrid intentions of making tons of money for retirement and sending their children to school in some other country abroad.
Filipinos are well known for their pride. Sometimes, i feel like this will be the cause of our demise.

We are people that hold a good reputation across the world- hard working, nurturing, welcoming, & friendly. Great traits to be proud of.

I do have a lot of bullsh*t to say about the PI. This is where i'm from. I've never left. I was born and raised here and i have every right. I have hope for this place because i was one of the lucky ones that has seen it for all its beauty and was privileged enough to grow up with a childhood as a full fledged Batang Pinoy... yet i have also experienced the worst.

This place is like that friend of yours that keeps going back to her abusive boyfriend. You keep telling her she's stupid and that she should just leave him and that he's never gonna change... but she insists on going about her old ways, convinced that life will get better on its own.
You take a look at yourself, tell yourself you're worth it and make the changes necessary for the better. Because you don't deserve this, life can be better, and you don't HAVE to put up with the abuse. It will take time, but it's guaranteed to make your life better.

...and your friends still love you.

Photograph by: Lucky Besa

Photograph by: Jake Versoza

There are people who have fought for, vied for, and died for this country. Have their efforts all been in vain?

Until life gets easier and our people stop complaining, Freedom is just an idea. There's a lot to do before we really get there. If we don't help each other, who the hell will?

[credit: Photographs from Deviant Art, Lucky Besa, & Jake Versoza]

**[Philippine Independence Day, btw, is actually on July 4, 1946. The 1898 ceremony was ignored by the Spaniards and the Americans- where they proceeded with a transaction that lead Spain to hand over The Philippines to the US. Google it.]