Sunday is prioritized to be Dylan Day. It's family day for most people and for some reason, out of my surreal schedule and whacked out sense for time, it's the only thing that i would consider "normal" to us. We don't really run by a normal schedule, we don't live in a normal household, we certainly don't have a normal set up at home... but Sunday is turning into somewhat of a routine/tradition. I like it.
Walking around, i realized that there are 2 major categories that fill the Sunday afternoon population- 1) Families; or 2) Couples.
That's it.
Neither of which i belong to at the moment.
I see families sitting down for meals or shopping for random whatevers, and it's a full blown family- Dad, Mom, & Kids. Both parents share the responsibility with their children. I observe their interactions.
It's different when you're doing it on your own. You have to play Good Cop and Bad Cop at the same time- sometimes it's very schizophrenic-ish. You lay down the rules but you reward them just the same. You put em to bed on time and on other nights, you let em stay up a little later. He has to eat all his dinner, but he can also have cookies 5 minutes before he sleeps. You turn off the DVD player because he's been sitting in front of it for over 2 hours; other days, he can watch all the DVDs he wants. He can't buy anything at the store today; the following week you spoil him by allowing him to pick 3 trains instead of 1.
In the Philippines, it's very common to hire a Nanny or Yaya (as we'd like to call them). I never believed in this system. I've seen too many "hidden tapes" nightmares, heard too many stories about abusive help, and seen quite a few of these incidents live to ever want to risk it. And even though i do believe that seeking for help is normal and sometimes very much needed, i don't think i'd want someone else having the responsibility of "taking care" of my child. It might work perfectly for others, but it's definitely not for me.
When Dylan was younger, taking him to Kiddie parties used to be hectic. Packing his bag, making sure to bring everything he needed, making sure he napped right before we left as to avoid being cranky, going to the bathroom so he wouldn't have to do it there, etc.
I realized, at these functions, that parenting did require a 2-person team, and noticed all too quickly why they all had hired help. If you ever want to converse and catch up with other people in your social circle during these events you're gonna need a substitute... or your clone.
With a kid that just recently learned how to be mobile- there is no chance he's sitting still. So you're constantly running after em, making sure he doesn't climb stairs, or hit his face on the coffee table. You wanna make sure he doesn't put any foreign objects in his mouth or run outside and fall off the balcony. The work is constant. You don't get to eat and the rest doesn't come until the little one dozes off in the car on the way home.
I was always the anti-social one that followed her own kid everywhere at the party. I barely ever got to squeeze in a normal conversation, and even if i did, my attention span was shot because majority of my focus would be on what my hyper toddler was up to.
Everybody else got a time-out. I was playing the role of 2 parents.
The decision to raise Dylan as a single parent wasn't an easy one, by any means. It helped a lot knowing that i had the support of my family and who would i trust more than my own blood to look after my child, right? But i knew i had a responsibility and even though the pressure was alleviated a little bit, it still changed my whole life and i'm a parent regardless. The role still stands and the pressure to "do everything right" was still there (and still is).
I get worried, i'm tired a lot, i stay up through sleepless, feverish nights, i take all the hurtful words he'll throw at me when he's mad, i clean his scrapes and cuts when he's had an accident, i have to ease the sorrow when he cries over something, and i take the headache and a half when he's being difficult. That is what a parent does.
But i also get to experience all the funny things he does or says, i get to appreciate his performances when he wants to show me something, i am the receiver of numerous hugs, kisses, and i love you's, and i'm blessed with his pleasant presence and glorious character.
He will sit next to me quietly when he knows i'm sad, he'll laugh with me when i find something funny, and he will fight for me (be it some man 6x his size) if he knows i'm being hurt or if i'm in trouble.
This kid is the love of my life and seriously the best thing that's ever happened to me. If anything good came out of that last relationship i had, it was him. I don't remember much about what life was like before he existed... i imagine it didn't mean as much anyway.
I can't stand being by myself. I figure that's why Dylan came into my life. It hasn't always been easy, but i would choose this path in a heartbeat had i been given another chance to pick.
I truly didn't know how intense love could possibly be until i met him. This is a soul i will fight for, vie for and die for. He has only brought good things to my life, and for that, i owe him the world.
Just the 2 of us.
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